The One in which I whine a lot.
I don’t know what to say today.
Today, has just been one of the most draining days I’ve ever had. We
were trying to get a new place, it wasn’t a great place, mind you, but (in my
opinion) it was a better place than we’re staying right now. And, it was only
going to be a temporary solution while we wait for another place to open up.
One we know that we’re going to get.
But…
I think I typed this line in one of my In the Morning Light chapters.
There’s always a ‘but’ isn’t there.
Well, yeah, mother-in-law hated it. She flat out hated it, and pointed
out a few things I’m not going to post here. And, it wasn’t a pleasant conversation
at all.
Now, I feel lost, by what she said about me, not too me, about me, I
feel lost. I know I’m not the best person in the world, and I don’t know what
to do to fix that. I don’t know what’s broken inside of me that just makes the
world feel heavier than it is. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t.
My typical answer is to turn to writing, to try and fix my problems by
burying them under the troubles of people that only exist in my head. I run
away, and I hope (using that word loosely) that my writing will pan out, and be
successful, and I won’t have to worry about the damn bill collectors, or if I’m
not providing enough for my family. Hell, I just want to feel like I’m pulling
my own weight. I want to make the ends meet.
People will tell me, and maybe it’ll show up in the comments section,
that it gets better. All I ask is when? When does it get better? When can I
stop worrying about all these things? When can I stop worrying and enjoy life?
Because, right now I just want to quit the game.
Eh…
I shouldn’t be unloading this on you all, and it would probably be better
if I deleted this post right now. But. But. I don’t know.
On a lighter note, our water is still out, so Cold Shower is up to
70-80k words. Maybe it will make it to the epic level. Personally I hope not.
At the rate I’m going it would take almost 12 more days to get to the
definition of an Epic novel. And, I can’t go without hot water that long, not
to mention that I don’t know if I can write something 200,000 words long.
Eh…
Typing is going good on In the Beginning. If I keep it up I’ll be done
with it tomorrow. Then I’ll use Sunday to make corrections to it, and get the
cover design off to my artist. Then I’ll work on Cold Lunch for awhile, and
when it gets closer to January I’ll start to freak out, and try to get the
formatting done, the formatting for each of the major retailers (putting it up
personally at Amazon, B&N, and iBooks), then using Smashwords to get it out
to the rest of the retailers.
Hopefully, I’ll make some money off of it. I sound like a hack, but I
really want this to work out. I really do. I want life to work out.
Sorry about whining so much.
Ryan
Stats:
Snowflake
Completion: N/A
Pages Written
Today: 0
Pages Written Total:
18
Pages Typed Today:
7 (single spacing)
Pages Typed Total:
24 (single spacing)
Word Count Today:
3,914
Word Count Total:
11,472
Advertising: Today I’m sticking with the name of this blog. Crazy
people are a blast to be around, sometimes, find some crazy friends, or one
friend who’s really crazy, and have a party. And, drink a beer or two for me.
Well, for some of us writers, not every day is a writing day. I get that way too, lots of days I'm in totally the wrong mood to accomplish anything. But you seem to be doing well with your indie-stats, and producing at a steady pace.
ReplyDeleteAs for the world getting better and when; if you find an answer to that please let me know :) I'm so tired of having my pay check go out to bills even before its direct deposited. Sometimes I think it would be better if I didn't make any money cuz then I wouldn't try so hard to keep the credit afloat.
Eh; that's the life, right?
Hey, I know you're trying, and even when it seems futile, at least you have your family to rely on (ignore the mother in law, its the wife's opinion that should matter to you).
Good luck with the writing goals, and the house hunting. No hot water? Yuck. I take hot showers even in the heat of summer.
.......dhole