Explanations

 My head’s not working the way I want it too. It hardly ever does, but c’est la vie.

This makes the third time I’ve sat down to try and write this blog post. The first wound up being an empty Word document after my head decided Minecraft would be more fun. The second was scribbled down in a notebook, torn out, and trashed. It was wandering and seemed to have no direction whatsoever, that and I got bored with it. I think I tried to do too much with it. I’m not sure.

And, now there’s this one, and as I’m writing it, I’m not sure if it’s going to make it to the published page either. I don’t know.

Either way, what I wanted to try and do with this post is to explain what I’m going to be doing with my blog in the coming weeks and months. (To allow a moment of rambling I’m going to say I don’t know why I feel like I need to explain myself. Maybe it’s a way of convincing myself to actually do it. I don’t know.)

My plans are simple. Starting not this Thursday, but next (January 9^th) I’ll be attempting to keep a daily blog again. Posts will mainly be on weekdays with one or two falling on the weekends.

On top of this, I’m going to start publishing my earlier stories piece by piece, just to try and give people a little look-see at what goes on in my head. That will start this coming Friday (January 3^rd).

There may also be a couple of posts explaining the stories, how they were written, what my original intentions for them were, and where those story ideas are going now.

Maybe.

I’m not entirely sure of where all this is going yet.

Anywho, enough out of me, I’ll talk to you kids later.

Ryan

Journal 7-21-13

Ladies and gentlemen...

It has happened! 

I'm finally working on Cold Lunch again! It's about damn time, huh? Lol.

And now I can't think of anything to write about. Must of done too much work already. Lol.

Anyway, not too much has changed. The house is still a work in progress. And, I still can't think of anything to write about.

Soooo, yeah. I'm going to check out for the night.

Sorry I crapped out today. Lol.

Ryan

Journal 7-16-13

Anybody know what's going on in life today?

I missed it. Lol.

I dunno, I've missed a lot lately. I've been really busy, which is the main reason I haven't been posting here. I should have made time to post here, but hindsight is twenty-twenty or something like that.

Anyway, we are moved into the new house. It's still not finished yet, but even with the contractor here, and only being able to use half the space in the house, it's so much better than our old place. Plus, if the contractor's right (I'm not holding my breath), it should only be two or three more days before he's finished and we get some breathing room.

I've also fallen behind on a couple of other things. Writing mainly. I haven't been posting here. I haven't been doing Hubs. And, I haven't been doing any creative writing...

Well, that last statement is kind of a lie. I have been doing some creative writing. I've got a neat little short story going, but it's not anything related to a possible money making project. And, I still haven't decided if I'm going to publish it on HubPages, or see if I can possibly get it published through a magazine or some such thing. Anything is possible. Especially when I'm involved.

I have been doing a couple of neat things though.

I've been playing with fire. Lol.

The new landlord's have something of a mess in their backyard from the renovations done to the trailer, and I've been burning the leftover bits of wood and flooring and whatnot. Nothing that's harmful to mother nature. Just a pretty, hypnotizing flame. Sitting and staring at it might be one of the reasons I haven't gotten any writing done. Maybe.

Another is construction. I've begun working on a something. I have and haven't decided what it is yet. Right now it's four two-by-fours nailed together using two smaller two-by-fours. I'm thinking it's going to be a bookshelf. Maybe. And, that's only because I haven't decided to feed it to the fire yet. I'll take some pictures of it in the next day or so to post here and on facebook. It'll be nice to have some physical type of art to show off. Lol.

I think there was something else. But, I'm really not sure. It's bedtime for me, so, it's kind of hard to remember things.

I'll talk at you kids later.

Ryan

Jounral 7-10-13

Excitement!!!

Not really, lol. Things didn't go quite the way I expected, and we won't be spending our first night in the new homestead. I did have a revelation though.

I don't take to change well, and this whole situation has been so extremely stressful for me that cupcake says I'm not even acting like I normally do. I can believe that. So, last night, I was sitting in my new writing room, looking at the walls I painted, and I started to imagine where my things were going to be. The way I was going to orient the desk. And, the futon, and the TV (when I have the money to put one in there), the entertainment stand for said TV and my recliner, and book case, and through all of that I realized it had clicked. I was looking at this place, this new wonderful place as if it was home, and I cried.

I didn't cry because I was sad. I cried because I saw the opportunity we've been given. The opportunity to better ourselves, and to live up to the standards this place is going to demand. We will be better people for going through this move, and adjusting to this new life. And, maybe, for those of us who're depressed all the time, it might let in a little ray of Hope. The one that Pandora didn't let out of the box. Maybe that ray of Hope will bring us this new home, and the ability to enjoy it. I know I want to enjoy living there.

Anyway, enough of the semi profound mumbo jumbo. That's what it sounds like to me.

As for the daily report. We moved the washer and dryer. We learned that the dryer power outlet was fried, and that it took our power cord with it. We're going to replace the power cord instead of getting a new washer and dryer. I wanted to get a new set. We also moved the two big dressers in the bedroom, leaving only the chest of drawers and the bed to move (there's also a night stand I keep forgetting about) and the bedroom will be moved. I've been meaning to move the stuff out of the old writing room for the last four days now, but I keep forgetting. Couldn't tell you why, it just flies right out of my head when I'm thinking of the need to do list.

And, when it comes to writing... you're looking at the only thing I wrote today. It's killing me. I need to get my pen back on paper and get to scribbling. At this point I don't care if it's a Hub or a short story or a novel I just need to write something before I go insane. (Probably another reason why my stress levels have been so high.) But, things will improve. I'll get to set my new writing room up in the next week or so, and then I can bend over the desk and get to work. Maybe not even taking the time to look up as I power through whatever project comes to mind first.

Now, I'm going to go to bed. I have to be at "the most wonderful place on Earth" at five am. I hate you McDonalds. Lol.

Ryan

Journal 7-9-13

I don't remember what I wrote yesterday, and I'm too lazy to see what it was. But, it's not nearly as important as this news broadcast.

This, right now, is very likely the last night I will spend on John Ramey's property. (If you don't know who that is you're lucky. I wish I didn't know who that was.) that's right ladies and germs. It is time for the move to HAPPEN!!!!

At least I think it is. Lol.

Beyond that, there's still not much to talk about. 

I'm still working at McDonalds.

I still dislike the contractor.

I still think I'm going to get rich when I publish Cold Lunch.

And, I still think I'm the best thing since sliced bread.

Yeah, that's just how awesome I am.

That insanity aside, I came up with a new story idea :D 

A short story idea anyway. At least it's a short story idea right now. It might turn into a longer idea depending on how the story grows, and whether it feels compressed or not. I'm not sure how the conflict will evolve. 

But I love the concept. 

It's probably been done a hundred times, and will probably be done a hundred more times, but anyway. It's simple. This "thing" (I'm not going to say exactly what) has the ability to detect a persons sins, and uses that ability to get the person to own up to it. To confess and beg for forgiveness. And because the creature is slightly sadistic, he convinces these sinners to take their own lives. Still damning their souls to hell.

And, yeah, with that concept, I don't know how the conflict is going to evolve.

Eh, I'll figure it out.

Anywho, it's nappy time for this little boy.

Gnite!

Ryan

Journal 7-8-13

Forgot to post.

Yes, ladies and germs, I forgot to post yesterday. I even meant to get on the computer and tell you I forgot to post because I had forgot to post until after work. Anyway, that post didn't happen, so we'll just cram two days into one post.

On Sunday an interesting little thing happened. I got off work an hour early, and  Erik was supposed to come and pick me up. Well, I tried to call him as soon as I heard I was getting off at two instead of three (learned that at one). There was no answer. I asked around, well I really only had to ask one person. Shasta, the most awesome McDonalds manager in the world, lol. And, she said she'd take me home. So, I called again, this is about ten minutes before I got to walk out the door. There was still no answer.

So, Shasta's ready to go, and I hope that we'll beat Erik to the house. Hoping that he doesn't leave before we get to the house. And, the entire ride down 119 down 65 I kept watching for my car. I even had Shasta pull over once, and chase another car because I thought it was mine. It wasn't. So, we went on to my house, and my car was still in its parking spot, and I was relieved. I told Shasta I would invite her in, but the place is a mess and we parted ways there.

I also remember telling her I was going to f*** with my Erik.

When I went into the house, Erik was still zonked out on the sofa (understandable considering the time he spent conscious the weekend before). I expected his alarm to go off, and him to jump to attention and be like Oh Sh*t, I forgot Ryan. Then I would get to look at him and laugh as he stared at me. It didn't happen.

Three rolled around, when I was supposed to get off work, and Erik still hadn't woken up. So, I started to try and wake him up. Telling him he was forgetting me. And, telling him that I got off at three and I was going to be pissed. That went on for all of five minutes. He still didn't budge.

So, I went on with the rest of my day. I wanted to strangle the contractor. I worked on cleaning the living room a little more, and when cupcake showed up we went back over to the rental property and I valiantly managed to keep from strangling the contractor in front of my cupcake. (I don't like the contractor if you can't tell.) Then we went back to the house, and continued cleaning the living room. Erik still hadn't woken up.

We went out for dinner at Subway, and a necessities only shopping trip to Walmart. And, when we came back, Erik was still asleep. At that point, it was six hours past the time he was supposed to have woken up and come to pick me up.

I decided I was going to tell him I walked home.

But, after such an ordeal, I decided to take a shower. Erik woke up while I was in the shower, and Mel didn't play along. She just asked him if he forgot me, and told him Shasta brought me home. When I got out of the shower, I looked at Mel, and knew what she did. And, I was cranky, lol. We did get a laugh out of it though.

Today, with the exception of one thing, sucked.

I had to leave work early again, but this one wasn't because of labor. This time I was throwing up in the trash can in the back room and hardly able to breath. I'd been feeling sick for the last few days, I thought it was just a psychosomatic reaction to me being at work, me brain doesn't like me job. But, its never gotten so bad that I actually vomited. That proved to me that it wasn't all in my head.

So, I got sent home, and I immediately fell into two different pits of depression. One was the fear that I upset cupcake, and that got me crying. The other was the fear that I was going to be too sick to help in the move, and that got me crying. Then, just before we took Button to the vet, Mel found an article about these glass pyramids found at the very center of the Bermuda triangle. It's supposition that the pyramids are made out of a glass or crystalline building material. They believe these are to be the first official ruins of the Atlantean civilization.

That was validation for me! I had been saying for years that they should be looking in the Bermuda Triangle, particularly it's center for evidence of the lost civilization. And, now, I just wish I had the doctor who made the discovery's email address to let him know about a couple other structures I think are buried in that general area.

Anywho, sleep is kicking me in the a** and I'm going to give in. I'll post more later.

Ryan

Dear Cupcake

Dear Cupcake,

I'm sorry. You gave me a list of things to do, and I didn't do any of them.

You're disappointed. You should be, and I wish I could be there to see the disappointment on your face. It would be punishment enough. 

I didn't get the living room cleaned and packed. Nor did I get the kitchen/bedroom/name a room packed and ready to move. 

You said if I could get everything moved from one house to another we would go to books a million, and I could have a mini shopping spree, and now I don't get it. I didn't get with the program, and bust my balls to get things done. 

Instead I played with paint and fire. I stayed up too late. I drank way too much soda. And me an Erik tried to go out to a bar on the fourth, and we hung out at the gas station instead of coming home when we found the bar closed.

And I had a good time, hanging out with my folks, and making fun of Erik wanting his dad's motorcycle. And you weren't there beside me. I missed you then, and now.

I don't want you to be upset with me. I know I've been a pain in the ass, and I haven't gotten the list done, and I know you'll be a little upset with me. And that I should be there to see the pain in your eyes when you see what hasn't been done. I deserve that punishment. 

I want you to be you though. Look at me and roll your eyes and take the broom. You're better at it than I am :P and I want you to hold me, play with my hair (what tiny amount of it there is) and tell me everything's going to be okay.

But, you don't have to say that, though. No, you don't. We'll get moved in and we'll love our new home. And then, by some sort of new home magic, we'll get rich, and never have to worry again. 

So, I know you're going to be disappointed in me, but know this: everything is going to get done. The kid gloves are off, and I'm ready. Better late than never, and I'm ready. I will make this the home of your dreams. And, I'll try to stop driving you crazy. Can't make any promises there.

I love you cupcake. More than anything. I want you to know that.

So, don't be disappointed when you get home. Know that I'm going to come home, and make this work.

I love you.

Ryan

PS: What's the cell phone number again? 

Journal 7-5-13

Feeling it...

Yesterday, I felt like crap. Pure and simple, utter crap. I don't know why. I don't know if I overworked myself, or spent too much time working on the new place, or if I'm just getting to old to pull all-nighters. (That last one seems most likely.) But, yeah.

I'm thinking about listing the symptoms of my crap feelings, but I'm sure you can imagine what it was.

Anyway, I didn't get a lot done yesterday. I slayed Cat Mountain, and got it moved over to the new place, though all of the stuff that made up Cat Mountain is now stuffed in the Writing Room 2.0's closet. And, I worked on cleaning up the living room. Packing up the remaining stuff, and cleaning the furniture. I wanted to start taking furniture over yesterday. But, a) I was feeling like crap, and b) I don't know how much the contractor had gotten done, and so didn't know where I could put things to keep it out of the way.

The point of this, maybe, is that I didn't get the living room finished to my satisfaction. Meaning, I'll be working on it again today.

Though, I do get to see my mom and dad today :) (I'm actually writing this post on their computer.) And, it gets to be both business and pleasure. My little sister had a couch and a bed that there was no space for when she moved back in with Mom and Dad. So, we're going to use this for the new place. The trip down here today was too get the furniture and spend time with our folks (me and Erik came down). It worked out well.

As for something else to talk about...

I got nothing.

I could complain about not getting thus and such done, but I've already done this to some extent (see above). And, complaining about it isn't going to get it done (my wife is going "Who are you? And, what have you done with my husband?"). So, I'm going to spend the day with my folks, pick up the furniture, go home, and see about getting done what needs to be done.

Laters.

Ryan

Journal 7-4-13

Paying for it.

Happy belated Fourth of July. I feel like s**t. Yeah, and I'd be willing to bet about a million and some odd dollars that I'm not the only person that feels this way. Yeah, isn't celebrating the birth of our nation awesome.

Drinking beer and playing with fire, particularly explosives.

I didn't get to play with either fire or explosives, but I did do some drinking and I'm paying for it.

Anyway, what else is there to talk about.

Painting in the writing room v2.0 is pretty much done. I got the second coat and the detail finished, and when I started pulling the painter's tape off it took the primer and the wallpaper off of the trim. So, instead of the room looking really sharp with a nice blue shot through with white stripes, its a nice blue with crappy looking brown and yellow and white stripes. I need to go through and repaint the stripes, and there's still some detail work (where the painter's tape pulled bits of paint off with it) that I'm going to need to do with a very fine tip brush. Or finding a sharpie that matched the color of the wall. That would probably work, and it wouldn't drive me crazy. The likelihood of finding that, however, is low and I'm too lazy to do much looking into it. Instead I'll just by the fine tip brush, and a small can of white paint for the trim. It's going to have to wait for a while, though. I don't see the time to get it done right now. Not without sacrificing time working on the rest of the trailer.

Keep an eye on my facebook page, and my devArt profile. I'll be posting pictures when I figure out how to get them off of Mel's phone. Lol.

As for what I'm doing toady? I'm going to finish dismantling Cat Mountain, and take its innards over to the new trailer. Then I shall be cleaning the living room down here at the old homestead. It's going to take forever, but it's better to get it done now, then waiting until the last ten minutes off the 30 day notice. Lol.

And, I guess that's all I've got to talk about today. I might try to be more interesting tomorrow, but right now that seems like too much work.

Ryan

Journal 7-3-13

Wiped.

I am wiped out ladies and gentlemen. It is ten till one while I'm writing this, and yes, my a double s is about to go to sleep. But, like I said in yesterday's post, I really do need to set these up to post before I go to bed. I find I get the most consistent views when I post consistently everyday, and at the same time everyday. It just seems to work out.

Anyway, today was another fun filled day. I had a doc appointment, took care of that, I got to fight with the telephone people for an hour, trying to get them to change the installation date for our services. They wouldn't let me make the changes as my name wasn't on the account. Mel got that taken care of though. Now, all I need to do is call them and get them to change the address of where they're coming to install the new services. We didn't have the correct address when we set the appointment up.

As for the rest of the day, it was spent up at the new place trying to get it ready. We put the first coat of paint up in the writing room. I meant to take pictures to post, but I'll get them up tomorrow. It looks good, and it will look better after we get the second coat up. Then we can take the painter's tape off, and you can see how the white stands out against the blue. It's going to look awesome.

On a similar note, I also kind of find myself in freak out mode, even though I know that I shouldn't be freaking out. We're supposed to be out of our current rental property by the 14th, and I wanted to get moved out by the 5th. It's not going to happen. Anyway, I've been upset, and generating this all by myself, because we haven't been able to get to move our stuff from one property to the other. And, that is the reason I took this week off, so that I would have time, and energy, to get stuff moved and the old trailer cleaned up as best we can.

So, yeah, I worked myself up into a tizzy, and now my headaches in ways it shouldn't (part of that might be the paint fumes though). And, I know everybody else is right not to worry. It's only going to take a couple of days to get our stuff moved over, and then maybe a good day or so to get the old property cleaned up. So, yes, I need to chill. I just find it hard to do.

I feel bad. Not because of the freak out or anything like that. I feel bad because I haven't been keeping up with my Things To Do list. I haven't been taking my walk, and I've been slacking in the hygiene department (gross I know). Really the only thing I've kept up with is my blog. And, that might be because it's kind of cathartic, a good sort of daily purge, in trying to keep my sanity. What little of it might be left.

And, I've been slacking off on my hubpages stuff as well. I've wanted to be able to do one a day, but I've done one and a quarter since Saturday. I know it's because I've had other things to do, and I can rationalize it like that, but there's this nagging little voice inside my head going on and on about it. "You're wasting time." "How are you ever going to make this a day job?" "No Hub, no money." Not exactly thoughts that well defined, but pretty damn close. And, there's another one too, one that goes on even when I'm getting the Hub's done, like last week. "When are you going to do some creative writing?" "You still have to finish Cold Lunch." "What about that short story you were going to submit?" "Or the one you haven't finished writing? The one about the gnome." "And, those two novellas you were going to do for HubPages, where are they?" "And, your DnD adventure. You're putting a group together, so don't you need to have something for them to do when they're ready to play?" (That one is really that well defined.) And, it goes on and on, forever and ever, and I don't know how to shut it up. If I do creative writing, something else suffers. The painting doesn't get done. Or the Hubs don't get done. Or I don't get enough sleep. These negative little voices are chitter chattering all the time, and I don't know how to please them. It's no wonder I'm in freak out mode. I can't get any peace! Lol.

Yeah, I don't know. I think I'm just going to go to sleep for now, and try to figure out something to do with those problems later.

Yes, sleep is a good idea.

Talk to you kids later.

Ryan

Journal 7-2-13

I really need to start writing these before I go to bed.

Anyway, there weren't very many adventures yesterday, mainly just trying to get it so that we could start moving in. There is space, but since there was a storm yesterday evening I didn't really feel like moving things up to the house. Today, however, Cat Mountain will be moved, and maybe I'll start to calm down about getting everything done.

I feel like I'm not making any progress, because I can't see the progress. I can't see the movement of our things from this place to the next. Everything, except for one chair, is in the same place it was when we turned in our thirty day notice. And, like I said, that will change today.

Other than that, there's not much else to report. I've done one Hub this week. A review of Under The Dome Episode Two and that's pretty much all the writing I've done.

I've poked at my journal some, and I've thought of a couple of interesting characters, as well as attempting a few new ways of taking down ideas, and trying to keep them in order. I just started using it yesterday, though, so I'm not sure how well it's going to work.

Anywho, I really can't think of much else to say, so I'll talk to ya later.

Ryan

Journal 7-1-13

Today was kind of a freak out day for me.

Why?

I don't know, to an extent. I know that I'm stressed because it feels like I'm running on two deadlines. The first is the countdown to the fourteenth. 13 days. That's when we have to be out of this place, and there will be no take backs this time.

The second is a countdown to Sunday. Why? That's when I go back to work. And, as such, it's when I lose the most time I have available. I'll have to work on top of moving, on top of being exhausted, plus whatever handyman stuff remains to be done at the time.

Drywall needs to be hung in the back bedroom. (YouTube here I come).

The floor needs to be finished in the back bedroom.

The writing room needs to be painted.

The floor has to be put in the writing room.

The new wall paneling has to be put up in the living room.

The master bedroom has to be cleaned out.

The master bedroom closet needs to be cleaned out.

The floor needs to be laid in the master bedroom.

And, I could go on for a while longer. It's a mess, or rather it feels like one to me. Maybe I am just freaking out, and everything will be ok. 

Alright, I'm going to sleep now. Before I get a wild hair up my ass.

Ciao.

Ryan

6-30-13

I'm about to fall flat on my face.

Official day one of my "vacation" and I spend the day running to Lowes and back, trying to get pluming, drywall, paint, and flooring materials and equipment. That crap, if it doesn't start out heavy, seems to have a way of gaining weight. And, I managed to find the three hardest to find items on the list.

And, once again it's another six to eight hours (don't feel like counting) since I started writing this. If I keep up at this rate, I might get one post done a week. Lol.

Anyway, it hurts to type. It hurts to breath, and look around. It just plain hurts. I didn't realize being a handy man was this hard on one's body. Yeah. Still, it's work that I enjoy. I'm able to disappear into it the way I can with writing, and when I step back away from it, pull back into reality, I'm able to see what sort of job I've done. And, it's good.

We've still got to lay down the floor in three rooms, tile in one of the bathrooms, and get the toilets put back together. And, I want to start moving stuff up today.

Anywho, I think I'm going to nap for a little bit longer. I am wiped out.

Ciao.

Ryan

Journal 6-29-13

Today started at 4am, and it hasn't stopped.

Today was my last scheduled day before vacation, so naturally it dragged on and on and on. But, yeah, it's over now, and for the next week I don't have to worry about McDonalds.

That's a positive.

And on the negative side of the field I have to move. Lol.

It's not a very big move. Maybe twenty or thirty yards, but there are things about it that concern me. The likelihood that everything will run nice and smooth, and we can move in starting tomorow, is not going to be happ...

And, that's when I fell asleep. See. I was too exhausted to finish my post. 

Anyway, been working on the move and I'm sore as hell. Spent the better part of the day painting, and the rest of it burning the old crap that came out of the house prior to the renovations.

I wanted to keep painting too. Finish up the walls down where they meet the floor. But by that point I was hurting too bad to bend over. 

Going to take it easy till 1 or so. Then see about more painting/moving our stuff in.

So for now I will say ciao. And hopefully I won't forget to write a post for tomorrow.

Ryan

Journal: 6-26-13

It is not my fault I didn't post yesterday.

Yes, it was my fault I didn't post the day before. At least, I think I didn't post the day before... I can't really remember right now.

Anyway, I cannot be held accountable.

The internet went out. I don't know why, but there was a statewide internet blackout for any consumer who used Frontier as their provider. I don't know why it happened. I would like to know why it happened. But, whatever the cause, I don't mind too much. When we got internet back again, it was moving at the actual full speed we're supposed to be getting (3 megs down, I think) instead of hovering around the middle marker.

But, yeah, I probably wouldn't have posted yesterday anyway. I had been busy packing, and moving, and helping lay the floor down in our new place, and I hadn't given much thought to posting anything at all. I'm not even sure if I put any new HubPages material up. And, what I just finished setting up to post wasn't even written today. It was an article I wrote almost four months ago, and just now remembered. So, yeah.

As for today's activities, I kept them pretty slim. I tore the carpet out of one of the bedrooms in the new place to set up for putting down the new floor. I moved some of the owners stuff out of the back room and onto the back porch, so that when we get the flooring done in there we can start moving our stuff in. That will be either tomorrow or Friday.

I'm hoping for tomorrow. I'm eager to get out of this hell hole and into a home where I can really feel at home. That's something I don't think I've felt since we moved out of the apartment in Athens...

And, I am going to publicly swear to each and every one of you, that I am going to be responsible for the upkeep of our new home. I will make sure it is clean. And, I will be the one doing the necessary and unpleasant yelling when something isn't done.

Just kidding.

But, I will be the one making the chore chart, and thus it will be my responsibility to see it filled out and completed.

Also, I'm going to have a new writing room SQUEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, I think I'm going to set my desk up in the closet. Lol. i don't know why. It's a good sized closet, not a walk in, but it's certainly a place where I can disappear from the rest of the world. And, if I feel like pretending to be Doctor Who, it can be my Tardis :) And, now I have to paint the door blue.

That reminds me. I need to go and buy the paint for my room. Seeing as I'm special, and want it a different color than the rest of the house.

God, I can't wait.

Anywho, I'm going to cut this off now. I'll talk to you all laters.

Ryan

Journal: 6-24-13

So, I almost wrote fourteen instead of thirteen for the year, and I was like, why in gods name do I want it to be a year from now!?! I mean, I'd be okay with it, if at that point in time, I was a full-time freelance/blogger/novelist/writer thing. Yup. That would be okay with me.

But, there are a lot of changes that are going to occur in the next twelve months, hell, I literally won't be sitting where I'm sitting at right now this time next month.

We're moving, the first of the changes I suspect. And, within the coming month (by July 14th to be exact) we have to be in our new place. Which shouldn't be hard. It's literally on the same property we're on. It's just owned by a much nicer landlady. She's been renovating this thing for a while, since she got her modular home in back in December. And, the work is now at its apogee. just a few more things, and the house will be livable. There will be a few things that will have to be done after we move in, such as painting, and kitchen cabinets, and... I think those are the only two actually. But, yeah, it's pretty much done.

The other change I'm sensing on the wind is my job. I plan on, within the next couple of weeks, to have a better job, either in travel time, meaning less money spent on gas, or a job that pays more than what I make right now.

And, of course, I'm going to continue to try and figure out how to make money online with my own writing. HubPages is just the tip of the ice burg. I need to find out how it ticks, then I'll take that information to another site that's similar in nature. And, another. And, another. And, another. I might monetize here, and do things a wee bit differently. I don't want to get rid of these posts. I like the here's what I did today posts that I do. The little posts that make it feel like I journal. But, what I might do is monetize the blog, and begin posting things like my fiction and fanfiction and what not on here. I don't know yet, though.

If I did try to turn this into a money making machine, what would you all suggest?

• Keep the blog as is, just add ads to it.
• Make a new blog, one for fiction, fanfiction, and advertisements while leaving this one alone.
• Add what you want, and try to use the pages system to make navigating the site a little bit more easy.
• Talk to Kristen about getting my WordPress website going, then worry about monetizing that site. Or something like that.

Yeah, I really don't know. Its frustrating. And, I'm not very good at this.

I need to do some research on this type of career, and see how other people pull it off before I get myself in way too deep.

Anywho, good night.

Ryan

Journal 6-23-13

Hello, tots and taters, how are you all doing today?

Me?

I'm tired, and I really need to find my way to bed. Like now. And, seeing as it is 2am I will be making my way to bed quite shortly. I just thought I'd stop in and see how the day went.

My day was pretty damn good. Got to sleep in. Got to go over to Matt and Kayla's. There was good company, great food, and horseshoes. Matt and I stomped our lady friends. It's only the natural order of things. Then we came home, and I complained about not getting a Hub written. So, I wrote a Hub. And, I just published it. I'll be asleep by the time it hits facebook and twitter, but I'll be sure to post those links again when I get up. And, I need to post links to my fanfiction stuff.

And, I've been thinking. I'm posting my fanfiction on Deviant Art and Fanfiction.net, and I'm trying to generate traffic here. But, I typically use this as little more than a place to recount my daily adventures. So, I might just start posting those stories here. Maybe make my blog stand out a bit more, put it on more search engines and what not, and get some followers...

I don't know. My mind just stopped.

Anyway, I'm going to take a nap now. Talk at you kids later.

Ryan

Journal 6-22-13

New Stuff.

What new stuff I don't know. It really just seemed like a good thing to say. But, I will admit that my lack of posting isn't new, unfortunately. Nope. That's good old fashioned normal Ryan, I'm afraid.

Anyway, I'll move on to a different topic so that I can avoid getting beaten.

(Cowers behind chair, hiding from the wrath of Melanie. lol)

Yeah, I'm actually kind of hyper right now. Which is kind of bad. It's 1:26am and I need to lay down. I need to sleep. But, I don't want to. Tomorrow is my day off, and I want to spend it languishing in bed, not having to worry about anything. Except for the fact that, that plan wouldn't work. Nope, I'd have to get up at some point. We've got another room or two to clean in the spree, some more packing to do, and more praying that our new place is going to be ready by the 14th. As usual, Mel's optimistic about it, and I'm being rather cynical.

Beyond that though, I've gotten nothing done. Lol.

Not really though. I've just been focusing on different things. I'm trying to turn blogging, or something similar into a full time gig, and right now, I'm working on building my "portfolio" on HubPages (I've got more links that I need to add to my page), and so far I've done three more Hubs than what I had done already. Lol.

Yeah, it's not going very fast.

I have learned, however, that I'm not one of those people who can sit down and write an article in thirty minutes. For one, I don't think that's enough time, mainly because I don't write that fast. And, my style of writing has a tendency to run on the long side. Like I'm just a long winded writer.

I dunno.

I don't know what to post here half the time though. It's hard to sit down, and find something to talk about. Stories, god, stories are so easy to write, after a fashion. They flow so well some times, running like water out of a faucet. Other times its like wringing out a rock. And, that's what it's like to write these articles on HubPages. Wringing out a rock. I like writing, and I don't mind writing reviews, but it's not something I want to turn into a living.

But, so far, my review articles have brought the most views to my pages and what not. So, I'm going to go ahead with the things that seem to make more money. Which means writing more reviews. Writing more reviews, and pushing towards a high number of review articles, around a hundred or so I'd say, then try to focus on other more fun things to write about. Or rewrite those reviews and post similar articles on some of the other revenue sharing sites. I could even enable adds on here, but I don't know what that would turn out like. I don't know what would be advertised. And, I don't know if I want adds here. It seems like inviting the boss over for dinner, and then showing him your piles of dirty laundry.

This is kind of a space where I unwind. I'm not so sure I want to try and turn it into a revenue generating site. That would probably mean having to do things I don't want to do. And, this is the place where I do what I want. I don't know.

We'll see what's down the road, and if there's anywhere down there that makes a little bit of money.

God, I feel like a Hack.

And, with that, I bid you good night.

Ryan

Journal 6-18-13

Up since six.

So, today's been a pretty good day, all together. I'm tired as I sit here writing this, but it's midnight and I've been up since six. And, I'm going to get up again at six. So, I need to be getting to bed soon. But, I figured I'd come here and rant about life for a little while.

Anyway, trying to get my thoughts in order here.

The big thing I did today was pretty much nothing. I worked on one of my stories, one for my fantasy realm. And, I worked on my DnD adventure, also for my fantasy realm, but that's besides the point. And, then I got the mail, went to the gas station, got cigs, the whole wonderful load.

Yeah, my heads really out in the clouds today.

Anywho, my big thing is this. I read an article on HubPages by kksonakia and in the article she was talking about turing righting on HubPages into a full time job. And, her answer was simple, treat it like it's a full time job. Work at it 6-8 hours a day posting roughly 12 (she breaks it down in the article, saying it takes roughly 30 mins to write an article) articles, and do that for three months straight. No days off, no vacations, nothing in that three months, just hard core article posting. And, that would produce over a thousand articles. That seems like a pretty damn good platform to stand on. The problem I see with it is me.

I don't think that I could do it. (And, yes, that defeats me right  off the bat.) But, I've tried to push like that before, to produce 6000+ words a day, it wears you out, and I wouldn't have the luxury of having the whole day to do the articles. I would have to go to work, work eight hours a day, then come home and work another six, and that just sounds like murder. So, I really don't know.

I want to do it, don't get me wrong, that would be an awesome setup. The way she describes it. Write your ass off for 3 months posting a thousand plus articles, then do little more than half an hours work every day thereafter, and not have to worry about a job, part time or otherwise. Yeah, get payed a lot for as little work as possible. That, ladies and gents, is my dream job.

But, here's another thing. I'm going to have to modify what I'm writing about, a little anyway. I'll need to change my tactics to focus more on articles that hit SEOs, whatever the hell those are, and reviews and up to date stuff. That kind of puts me out of the field I like to write in. Meaning, instead of writing about writing, I'd be writing about well, everything else. To an extent I'm okay with that, but I joined HubPages because I wanted to get my writing out there, mainly my fiction, and my mildly eclectic writing about writing. I don't know guys.

I'm going to do it, maybe cutting it down to three hours a day and stretching it out over six months instead of three, and trying to focus on the types of articles I want to write. I dunno. I guess my goal for tomorrow is six Hubs. Lol. We'll see if that happens or not. Lol.

Ryan

Journal 6-17-13

So, I did it again. I didn't write the post last night, but since I woke up early enough to hit it within ten/fifteen minutes of my typical post time, I figured I wouldn't be too hard on myself.

Anywho, what did I do yesterday?

I worked 9-5.

I took a walk in a new direction.

I made a map.

It's for my DnD adventure, it's the site of the first encounter. And, yes, it does look like it was made by child who just learned how to use paint. That is pretty much the extent of my artistic skill when it comes to drawing. I would also like to add that I'm planning on getting map making software at some point, map making specifically for DnD, and I hope that will improve my abilities. For now, though, my players are going to have to deal with the artwork of a three year old.

And, it took me until this morning to realize that the map was in color. This wouldn't be a problem, normally, but I've got a laser printer that uses toner, it doesn't print in color...

Yeah, and that was pretty much the extent of what I did yesterday. I wrote maybe four little bits and pieces about the second encounter. I also did some more world-building work. I made an entire kingdom. Number of towns, town names, population. There are still a few bits that I haven't come up with, but the better part of the work is done. And, what's crazy, is I'm looking forward to making each of those towns, and finding things about them that will make interesting story seeds/hooks. I should note, that this is also crazy since the likelihood that I will use these towns in game is almost nill. I might use some of them, but I definitely won't use all of them.

As for progress on my articles or Cold Lunch, I've got nothing to report. Yup, still been poking at the stories I've got for my DnD campaign. Specifically the novella, I don't know, but I already like where it's going, and I kind of like the fact that I don't know where that is.

Anywho, I'm going to check out for the day. I will talk to you cats and kids later.

Ryan

PS: I did get one of my articles typed and posted though. Level 5 Review of Neverwinter's the title, check it out if you want :)

Admission: 6-16-13

Being Honest

So, being honest, I didn't write a post yesterday. In fact, in the last three or four days I've only written one post. I dislike the fact, but I'm not going to complain about it now. There's no reason too.

Anyway, my brain has been scrambled, and I find it almost completely impossible to focus on one thing at a time. Like my DnD adventure. I've got the story hook, seeds, and the first encounter written. Now, trying to work on the second encounter I draw a total blank. I want to work on this. I want to play Dungeons and Dragons sometime in the next week or two. Get the game started at the very least. Bah. I don't know.

And, the things that have been distracting me are other things I love. I've got three story ideas that are demanding attention. And, they're based off of my favorite moments in DnD. (I think I'm going to do a HubPages article on those moments.)

One is in the planning stages; I'm trying to get to know the characters and the story, fleshing it out, and working it out in my mind before I try to put pen to paper, even to start the Snowflake outline.

The second is a short story. Like most of my short stories it's a seat of the pants story, I'm just letting it take me where the story wants to go. No doubt I'll give it a second draft, and then try to get it published in one magazine or another.

The third is a novella based on a game played with an old friend. I still have to ask permission to use a lot of the plot elements, but I think he'll say yes. And, I think this is going to be one of the best damn stories I've ever written. At the moment it is also a seat of the pants story, letting it take me where it wants, with a vague idea of where it's going. I'll definitely outline it for the second draft, and that's if not having an outline doesn't drive me insane before I get to the end of the first draft.

There was something else I wanted to mention, but I can't remember what it was. Guess it was just a brain fart.

Anywho, I've got to get ready for work, so that's it for the day. Later tots and taters.

Ryan

PS: I meant to bemoan my lack of article writing and lack of work on Cold Lunch, but I don't feel much like complaining right now. So, I'll leave it at that.

Journal 6-14-13

Morning ladies and gents. I don't have long, I'm writing this after my bed time so I'll just say a few things, and we'll get on with our day.

First, I've missed a day or two, I know, but I'm going to blame work for it. I've been scheduled earlier shifts than I'm used too, and (though Mel tries her best to off set this) I wind up not going to sleep when I should. It's my own personal stubbornness as much as it I insomnia. So, when I get home I'm exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally (I work at McDs with a social anxiety disorder, I'm an emotional wreck everyday father work). So, I don't want to do anything.

And, on that note, let's talk about productivity. It's way down. I was talking to my doc on Weds, and I set a productivity oal of seven hubpages articles, and seven scenes on Cold Lunch. Well, its Friday, and I should have what, six out of seven articles done? Yeah. I've got two. So, tomorrow, if I want to hit my goal of seven articles, then I'll need to write five of them. Plus one scene for Cold Lunch, and I hardly doubt that happening.

And,I didn't post my fanfiction yesterday. I honestly forgot about doing it until I sat down to write this. And, I'm laying in bed typing this on my iPad, and I'm not getting out of bed for the sake of fanfiction. Also, I didn't type and post the article I was supposed to put up on hubpages today. That was laziness.

Anywho, the wife has caught me conscious, so I'm off to dreamland, I'll fill you in on the rest of the day, tomorrow sometime.

The Black Hole's Teeth -Fanfiction.net

1. Pursuit
2. Passage
3. Drifting

Admission: 6-13-13

So, I completely forgot to write a blog post last night. I was so hyped up that I was being productive (I got an article and a half done) that the thought of posting went right out the side of my head.

Anyway, I got an article and a half written yesterday. I'm going to finish that half article today, and I'm going to do my best to write another two articles. And, I probably won't be going for my walk today. It's been pissing cats and dogs here on and off today, and supposedly there's supposed to be a derecho on the way. I don't even know how to pronounce that word. Anywho, that's my reasoning for not going on my walk.

As for what else I did yesterday. There wasn't much. I went to my doc's appointment, had a good chat with her, and came back home.

I did turn in two of my applications. But, I couldn't find the printer cable to get my resume printed off. I was going to staple that to the application. Try and make myself look a little better. I'll do it for the other three though, if I can find the damn cord. I might even take the resume into the locations I already turned the apps in. It still might make me look better than other applicants. And, I don't even know if they're hiring. I hope they are. I want out of McDonalds hard core.

And, that was yesterday in a nutshell. So, now, I'm considering a nap, after I get my article done.

Laters,

Ryan

In the Morning Light Fanfiction Links

1. Chapter 1
2. In the Morning Light
3. On Scene
4. The First Present
5. Bo's New Case
6. The Second Kiss
7. Missing and Presumed Dead
8. Confirmed Dead
9. Another Gift
10. Messenger
11. Coffee and an Ear
12. I Ain't Been Dropping No Eaves
13. Tequila was Involved
14. Lots and Lots of Photos
15. Getting Ahead in Life
16. Kenzi Freaks
17. The Appeal
18. A Hunting We Will Go
19. The Show Must Go On
20. Seen but Not Seeing
21. Werewolves: A History
22. Puppy Snatching
23. Hospital
24. No More Tricks
25. The Theater
26. Gone Missing
27. A Little Humanity... Maybe
28. A Phone Call
29. The Silver Knife
30. Epilogue
31. Exposition

Journal 6-11-13

She’s ALIVE!!!

If you were paying attention to Mel’s status updates, then you saw that Button got an emergency trip to the vet yesterday, and we are happy to report that she is okay. And, the excitement was all caused by an allergy to fleas…

Yup. Button is severely allergic to them, so allergic in fact that she breaks out all over, over grooms, scratches until the bites pop, tears clumps out, and she managed to pick up an infection too. Lymph nodes in her stomach had swollen up to the size of golf balls in what had to be a matter of hours. Those swollen nodes were what caused the freak out, which was a necessary freak out, and got Button the medicine she needs to get better. As well as a way to take care of her, and the other cats.

But, yeah, I thought she was gone. Even before we’d left for Charleston I’d resigned myself to the fact that my kitten wouldn’t be coming home alive. I gave up, and I turned off. If I hadn’t, I don’t know how last night would have gone. I’m thankful it wasn’t what we thought it was, and I’m thankful that she’s still here with me today, even if she’s a cranky little animal. And, entertaining or not, I think I’m going to make some more videos of her. That will make me feel better. Yeah, I think that will make me feel better.

I don’t have anything else to report for the day, except that I’m extremely hair brained. I’ve been trying to get ahead of where I need to be on articles so I can get some time to work on Cold Lunch. Well, yesterday, I got a wild hair up my ass to write a DnD adventure. (This was before the problems with Button.) So, I managed to spend today much the way I spent my first two semesters of college, flipping back and forth through game reference books to put an adventure together. In the end, I’ve got a town of two hundred and twenty-three people statted out, the hook and story seeds for the adventure, and one of the monsters in the first encounter done. I could have had one, maybe two articles written and typed. Then I’d be ahead of schedule. As it is, I’ll be scrambling when I wake up to get tomorrow’s typed, and posted.

On a lighter note, I read the Open Gaming/Game License or something like that. Basically, it’s a law that allows content creators to publish content relating to such and such game without getting explicit permission from the copyright holder, or trying to get the material published through said copyright holder’s company. That means, after a little bit of game testing, you’ll be able to buy a Ryan Smith original 3.5 edition d20 fantasy role playing adventure. I think I’ll try to come up with a shorter description for it. Like a Ghost Co. Games adventure, or something like that.

I dunno.

Anywho, I think it is past time for bed. I’ll talk to you cool cats later.

Ryan

PS: I know I’m a nerd.

Journal 6-8-13

Shazam?

So, I’m bored. Lol.

Yeah, it’s 10:15pm, I have to be up for work at 5 and at work by 6, so I’m going to be going to bed here in just a little while. I do have a few things I would like to talk about in our short time together, though.

First, I’d like to apologize. I was unnecessarily violent in my post yesterday. That’s not to say that I’m sorry I said it. I’m an author, I can see those terrible dark hallways the human mind can travel down, and I’m gifted with the ability to describe violence in extreme detail. I like being able to do that. And, yesterday, I could see the anger I felt, the bloody waves of red that fell over me while they were ridiculing the dead. I couldn’t stand it. So, I lashed out in writing.

Instead of blasting it all up over my blog, I should have used that anger to fuel a short story; something about zombies rising from the grave to punish those who don’t respect the dead. Now, I don’t know if that avenue is still open. Oh, I could write the story, but I’m not sure if it would have the same fire and passion that I felt yesterday while writing that post.

C’est la vie.

As for my next point… I’m thinking about going to school again. This time I’m thinking about psychology, Forensic Psychology and Investigation. The course is at Southern Community and Technical College, and I’m hoping to be able to 4.0 the entire thing, fixing the major screw-ups that occurred my first time through school. Well, maybe not fixing, but it will put me back on the right path. It might get me a nice little office job, and I might qualify for a master’s program. That latter is the real reason I want to go back. With my current GPA, which shall remain unstated, I don’t qualify for any master’s program. Well, I could, but I would have to go through Phoenix and the only master’s I’d want through them would be psychology. Phoenix, with its online courses, doesn’t give the clinical experience that you would need to go into practice. So, I figure I’ll do this, find a good job, then go through with my masters, and get into practice.

And, all of that is moot if my writing career takes off first.

If you haven’t noticed I’ve been putting some work in on HubPages, which is a revenue sharing site based on traffic ads and what not. Basically, it’s paying to blog. I’ve been trying to get my fiction, and my articles on writing to turn a profit. And, they’ve done a fair job. But, the one video game review I did has turned out much better, lol. So, I guess I’m going to be doing some more video game reviews.

Anybody have any suggestions or requests.

Ryan

Don’t forget to check out my latest postings:

The Black Hole’s Teeth Chapters 1 and 3

In the Morning Light Chapter 6

The Toy Wizard

And

Little Nightmares

And

Raising Kain: Diseased God

And, my debut on YouTube

Tuna For The Kitten

And

More Tuna!

6-7-13

Well…

So, I realized I completely forgot to do a post yesterday. :(

Yeah, it sucks, but, it’s not the end of the world. So, much as I put emphasis on my list of things to do, I still did my hygiene thing yesterday and took my walk, so I missed one out of three. Today, I tried harder. And, I won. I got all three done. Well, in the process of getting it done.

I learned something about myself yesterday. Setting the scene, I was at work and the guys were making your mother jokes. Not the your momma’s so fat jokes, but the ones that end in sexual innuendoes or the ones that start with sexual innuendoes and end in your mother. Either way, they were flying around like flies on a corpse, and all of them were directed at this one particular employee.

Now, normally I don’t give a shit about those jokes or the jibes they throw at one another. But, this employee’s mother had died two weeks ago… Yeah, zero g**d*** respect for the dead. It got under my skin, wrapped itself around my spine, and drove itself like a knife into my brain. I couldn’t stand it. I wanted to take each one of them and grind their faces into the grill until they begged the dead for forgiveness.

Yeah, that makes me sound like a completely sane person.

But, can you understand where I’m coming from. It wasn’t my mother they were talking about, but if it was I’d be in jail right now, probably for multiple counts of assault and battery, malicious wounding, and attempted murder. That’s how much it bothered me. And, I think what made it worse was the employee whose mom died, yeah, he was making the same f***ing jokes. I didn’t realize I could get that bad.

Anyway, moving on, today was great! Mel and I went up to Charleston for a bit, hung out in Books-a-Million and ate at Olive Garden. So, yeah, all of you can be jealous. Jealous, jealous, jealous.

Damn.

I’m hungry now.

Thinking about Olive Garden too much.

Anywho, I guess I’m going to get something to eat, and check out for the night.

Laters.

Ryan

PS: Don’t forget to check out HubPages, deviantArt (here and here and here too), and FF.net

Laters.

Journal 6-5-13

Once again.

Bam. Bam. Bam.

Got all three of them pretty much right in a row. When I got back from my walk, I sat down and journaled for a little bit, but after about a page and a half I was up and in the midst of my hygiene duties. And, now, I’m sitting here writing a blog post. Feels good doesn’t it.

Speaking of feeling, I’ve felt pretty good today. It’s crazy right? I had a few down moments, but nothing major to report on.

My Hubs are doing good.

I’ve got the whole of the first quarter of The Black Hole’s Teeth typed up, and all I need to do now is start posting them. The first one will go up on Friday (Well, the third one), and will be available on both devArt and FF.net. Watch here and my Facebook page for the publication times; I’ll post direct links to the stories.

As for Cold Lunch… Well… It’s still kind of dead in the water. I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with me about Cold Lunch, and trying to work out a sort of schedule that will smooth out all of my writing and make it possible for me to focus on my fiction again. Instead of struggling to get my Hubs out on the days I want them to be published. I know what I want to do; it’s doing it that’s turning out to be a pain in the ass. I’m good for that, especially when there’s an addictive video game involved. Cough… Cough…STO… Cough.

And, not really surprising at all, it’s easier to sit back and play a video game, than it is to sit up and work on a story, or an article, or anything else that requires about five minutes of discipline.

I’m trying to use the game as a sort of rewards system, similar to this Hub, but so far, I’ve been unable to resist the temptation, and have been turning the game on as soon as I get a chance. It will take a little bit more discipline, I’m sure, but I think I’ll be able to best it. I’ve been doing good with my list of things to do, and really, writing is just one more thing I want to do. I just have to get around my short attention span. Lol.

Anyway, I can’t really think of any other major topic for the day. So, I’ll talk to you kids later.

Ryan

Journal 6-4-13

Bam. Bam. Bam.

Ladies and gentlemen, I managed to do all of the items on my things to do list, one right after the other today. This makes me feel accomplished.

Other than that, today was uneventful and kind of shitty at the same time. Still on an emotional rollercoaster I suppose.

Basically, I want to go to the beach, and once again, we can’t afford to go to the beach.

It really shouldn’t be a surprise to me, as I don’t have a job that makes any kind of money at all, let alone one that gives paid vacations. So, yeah, hanging the whole zero trips to the beach thing on my head. I usually do, and if I’d made other choices, realized things sooner, and got my shit straight, then we wouldn’t be in this position. We wouldn’t have been in this position ever, and we could have been going to the beach all this time.

Paid vacations…

Good paychecks…

I’m just a wonderful ball of happy today, aren’t I?

Anyway, I’m not sure I’ve got anything positive to talk about at all today…

I have been helping with the trailer that we’re going to move into, and I got to rip carpet up today. Lol. It’s a good stress reliever. Giving one hard yank after the other, and it’s a good thing to do to keep your mind busy instead of letting it wander. I’ll probably be doing something similar tomorrow. Honestly, I like it; I’d rather be doing this and working towards getting our new place ready, then sitting in the dark feeling sorry for myself. It’s healthier.

As for other fun things: I want to throw my computer through a window. The overheating issues have returned, and I can’t get more than ten or fifteen minutes of game play out of it before it goes down. I need to get one of those cans of air, but I really don’t feel like driving to Walmart tonight.

And, there’s my story. My super blockbuster Star Trek story, I still haven’t thought of anything (other than a few small bits, here and there) but I have no idea if it will do any good at all when trying to introduce Star Trek to a new audience.

Blah.

Also, I don’t know why I’m worried about getting the Star Trek script/story written. I haven’t done anything at all to finish Cold Lunch. Seriously, it’s been what, three weeks since I posted PJ# 40. I should have had the third quarter finished by now. And, I should be about ready to start on the fourth. Oh good lord, I hate this crap.

Anywho, I’m going to stop whining, and go and do something productive. Maybe.

Ryan

PS: I made a page to keep my HubPages links on. Check it out, and check out my Hubs :) There isn’t nearly as much whining there as there is here. Lol.

Journal 6-03-13

Ladies and gentlemen…

Please forgive the interruption in our programming as of late. The writer has been under the weather (he still is, but at least now he has an umbrella), and has not been able to do much of anything besides sleep. He didn’t get any of his list of things to do done over the weekend. So, he is upset right now.

And, I think I’ll stop talking in the third person there. It’s kind of creepy.

Anyway, for one reason or another, I’ve had a shitty weekend. Physically, emotionally, and mentally.  Between a headache that’s lasted for the last three days, a getting sick to my stomach due to the weather (and the fucking grill at work), my nerves have been frayed to the breaking point. I counted four times today where my mouth almost broke loose; four times I nearly lost my job, today. Yesterday was worse. Thankfully, I am still employed, and impressed by my self control.

But, I’ve been an emotional wreck, probably caused by the constant seesawing of the headache and the stomach problems along with the irritation. I’ve been in the dumps today, dragging, and just wanting to curl up in a corner.

I don’t know sometimes.

Anyway, I’m sure you don’t want to listen to me bitch for the entire length of this blog post, so I’ll find something else entertaining to talk about…

How about the new Star Trek movie?

Anybody seen Star Trek Into Darkness?

I saw it, I liked it, but I thought it was kind of generic. Super terrorist, (SPOILER ALERT!!!) Kahn Noonien Singh, is attacking Starfleet and threatening the lives of all those living on the planet Earth; he starts blowing shit up, and the crew of the USS Enterprise gives chase. There are more explosions, impassioned shouting, space fights, sacrificial acts of heroism, and in the end the bad guy was caught and the world was saved.

If I took out the part about Kahn and Starfleet, you probably wouldn’t have been able to tell if I was talking about Iron Man 3, or hell, pretty much any other “blockbuster” this year. That’s why I said it was generic.

And, that bugs me.

Star Trek shouldn’t be generic.

So, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking since I saw the movie (probably about two weeks ago now), and wondering how I could go about breathing new life into Star Trek, turning it into the blockbuster JJ Abrams, Paramount, and by extension, CBS, want the series to be. I’d also like to see another television show launched, as I feel TV is the true medium for Star Trek. It’s where they found all of their original success.

Now, I’m pretty sure I could come up with a badass story involving the crew of the Enterprise and probably some new crew for another ship for the new television series (see the work I’m doing for Assimilation Nation on HubPages, and The Black Hole’s Teeth on Fanfiction.net), but there are a number of problems I can foresee, and probably a million others I can’t.

1.       Don’t know how to write a script

2.       Not sure what’s popular with the 18-25 demographic

3.       Not sure what age range I should aim for

4.       No idea how to write a script

5.       No idea how to plan out a television show

6.       No idea how to write a script for said television show

I could probably go on like that for a while. My head is starting to hurt again, though. So, I’m going to check out for the day.

Later kids.

Ryan

Journal 5-31-13

I did it!

I finally managed to actually do it!

And, you’re a perv…

Anyway, I managed to do my list of things to do one right after the other. I just took my walk, did my hygiene duties, and now I’m sitting at my computer writing my blog post. I feel accomplished.

I just don’t know what to talk about now. I’ve been giving you “a day in the life of” sort of posts since I came back from the beyond. My views jumped sky high (for me anyway) and now they’ve dropped back down to 15 or 16 a day.

What happened?

Do I not post enough funny pictures about cats?

Or do I bitch too much?

I probably bitch too much. I’m good at that.

I am going to think of an interesting topic though. Right now… it’s going to be a good one… and all I can think of is the dude who ate the homeless guy’s face down in Florida. I’m not sure if that’s an interesting topic anymore or not. I think it’s creepy as hell, but it’s just one of those insane things that people do. There was another story that came out around the same time as the “face eater” and it was a guy who was cutting open his stomach for some reason, and when the police tried to help him, he started throwing his intestines at the cops. What the hell?

I don’t know.

What goes through these people’s minds? Do they plan this shit? Or is it completely random? And, if it’s random, what breaks in the brain to make it happen? And, I think we see those sort of issues on a small scale each and every day. I don’t mean people who are going to eat your face, or throw intestines at you, but what about the people who cut and burn themselves? Is the pain a release? A cry for help? What makes you want to do such a thing?

I had an experience similar to that before. I’ve got a huge burn on my hand that I tell everyone is because I touched my hand to a hot engine block. But, it’s not an accidental burn. It was a cigarette, one that was applied time and time and time again until there was no way to feel the pain I was inflicting. I can tell you now, I don’t know why I didn’t. It was like I wasn’t me, and I was just watching it happen, like it was on television.

Is that what happens when somebody cuts, or burns? Do they watch themselves do it from the outside, like they’re watching some person, some other, destroy their skin and send pain travelling up and down their arm? Is that a release?

I didn’t feel any sort of release after my burn. I looked at my hand and knew it should hurt, but I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t gain anything from the situation except for a scar I lie about. And, now, the scar breeds empty curiosity. I look at it and think; why did I do that? Was there a reason? Was there ever a reason? I don’t know the answers to those questions.

And, that became a really serious topic without me meaning too. I’m sorry about that.

Anywho, I am currently working on typing my next Hub, so the link will be on my Facebook page tomorrow at some point. If twitterfeed doesn’t do it automatically, then I’ll go in and post it by hand. Also on the writing front, I’ve got most of another article written :) I still haven’t worked on Cold Lunch. I think I’m avoiding it. I dunno.

That’s all for today. I shall talk to you cats later.

Ryan

Journal 5-30-13

Exciting…

Yeah, today wasn’t. Work sucked, even though I was only there for four hours. A corporate guy came in to inspect the store, so, the managers thought it would be a good idea to have every F**K*NG employee work. It was cramped, and I got claustrophobic. I wigged, and I tried to focus on my job, but everything around me was overloading me. The result, I got yelled at a couple of times.

Anyway, after the guy left, the managers were like “Shit, we’re not making enough money to support the people we have on the clock.” So, they sent half of us home. I was one of those people.

And, so far as I know, I didn’t get written up, and I still have a job. We’ll keep our fingers crossed on that one.

Other than that, I did get my Hub typed and posted. If you didn’t catch the link on my Facebook Page (which you should like if you haven’t already), I’ve got it for ya right now. A Review of Star Trek Online: Legacy of Romulus. It’s a simple title that says exactly what it’s about. Lol. I don’t know if I could make it any clearer than that.

In other news, I have the next Hub written, the one I plan on posting tomorrow, I just don’t have it typed yet. So, it might get typed, and it might not. Really pushing for the first option.

And, I’ve got one major thing I need to do. Things to do, you know, my walk, hygiene, and blogging, well I need to get better at controlling the way I go about it. I want it to work like this: take a walk, get back and deal with hygiene, write my blog and go on my marry way with the rest of the day. Doesn’t happen like that. Usually what happens is I come home from my walk, and I see my chair as soon as I get in the door. It’s a walmart bought chair, so it’s not exactly what I would call comfortable, but it is inviting. And, I’ll give in to the temptation of the chair and set down. And, from there I’ll get my computer. Then I’ll play STO and it will be 11 or 12 before I get in the shower and get this written. I’ve got to beat the temptation of the chair.

Well, we’ll see how that works out in the next few days.

I wish I had some other exciting news to give, but I really don’t. I worked on job applications for banks, got in touch with my references, and filled out the rest of my resume. Now, I just need to turn said applications in, and collect a few more, and a few more, and just get the bases covered real good. Maybe I’ll even work up a skills based resume, one that focuses on my creativity, and throw it up on monster, let everybody in a hundred or so mile radius know that I’m looking for creative work. Something like that any way.

Then there are other options. But, I’m about to start typing with my forehead, and you won’t be able to make much sense out of that.

Ciao.

Ryan

Journal 5-29-13

I did pretty good.

I’ve done pretty good today, and that’s on top of me feeling like I’ve had a really crappy day. I don’t have a particular reason for feeling like I’ve had a crappy day, I’ve just been negative. And, it kind of started yesterday. Like I was walking along and I stepped on a tack or something. Not something that’s painful, but just irritating enough to ruin your day, thinking that you should have paid attention to where you were walking, that you should have taken a different step, and… Holy crap, that’s a perfect metaphor for what’s going on with me.

Anyway, I’ve not really done anything productive today. Not really anything at all.

The closest I’ve come to productivity today has been taking care of my list of things to do done one right after the other. That’s why I said I did pretty good.

About being productive, it is only seven o’clock while I’m writing this, so it’s very very possible that I’ll get something productive done. Maybe I’ll type the Hub I wrote yesterday, and get that set to publish either later today or tomorrow. It’s not a continuation of my Star Trek Snowflake thing. I just wanted to write a review on Star Trek Online: Legacy of Romulus. I don’t really know how I feel about my first ever review type article. I don’t think I did a particularly good job with it, but I guess that’s up for you ladies and gentlemen to decide.

Anywho, if anything productive does happen today you’ll hear about it on my Facebook Page. Check it out, like it, and maybe I’ll be tempted to put some more content on it. Lol.

Later kids.

Ryan