Instruments of Torture

This would be so much more fun if I was actually talking about medieval torture devices. But, I’m not. Instead I’m going to bitch about the way my head works.

It’s 10 or 11 pm right now, it’s been a little while since I looked at a clock, and once again this is the time of day I decide to start writing my blog and possibly working on my adventure, depending  on my level of consciousness. Now with getting this done, I’ve had all day. All day! I had from 8 am, shortly before actually, when I got up till whatever time it is right now to work on my things to do. And, I did get some of them marked out. I added laundry and littler to the list (and trash, which I will rush and do when I get done writing this), and I got those marked off. I got my walk marked off by five o’clock, and The Goal That Shall Not Be Named was done by nine o’clock. And, once again, I didn’t post my stats.

Great God Almighty!

I’m frustrated with this. Very, very frustrated. I mean I don’t get it. What I want to do is simple, and done in a simple pattern.

1. Walk
2. The Goal That Shall Not Be Named
3. Blog
4. Stats
5. Whatever else there is to do

I want to do them one right after the other. Mark them off the board just as fast as I can, but it hasn’t worked like that. And, I don’t know why!

Sorry, I’m letting this crap control me right now, but I don’t know what else to do. I need to vent just as much as anybody else. And, I need to learn to stay away from the computer. Lol. I’m not blaming the computer. The computer is an inanimate object, and the only thing it can do is enable my brain’s desire to screw up what I want to get done.

Blargh!!!

I don’t know.

I need to put a wall clock in here, something easy to look at so I don’t have to get up to look at the computer. I also need to put my planner in a more predominate location, that way seeing it should act as a reminder of the things I’ve got to do. That’s the thought anyway. It was the thought behind the dry erase board, but they both feel like bad decisions now. I must add them to the list of things that depress me.

Good Lord Almighty!

Anyway, I’m going to stop putting you through this right now. And, I swear, I will soon have a list of random topics that will have nothing to do with my bitch fit. Although, I can’t guarantee that the bitch fits won’t spill over into my blog posts.

Anywho… later taters.

Ryan

PS: There will be a second post today, coming out not long after this one. It’s my stats for the last week or so. I don’t want to post all that in my status on facebook. So, yeah, it’ll be here.

Journal 7-9-13

I don't remember what I wrote yesterday, and I'm too lazy to see what it was. But, it's not nearly as important as this news broadcast.

This, right now, is very likely the last night I will spend on John Ramey's property. (If you don't know who that is you're lucky. I wish I didn't know who that was.) that's right ladies and germs. It is time for the move to HAPPEN!!!!

At least I think it is. Lol.

Beyond that, there's still not much to talk about. 

I'm still working at McDonalds.

I still dislike the contractor.

I still think I'm going to get rich when I publish Cold Lunch.

And, I still think I'm the best thing since sliced bread.

Yeah, that's just how awesome I am.

That insanity aside, I came up with a new story idea :D 

A short story idea anyway. At least it's a short story idea right now. It might turn into a longer idea depending on how the story grows, and whether it feels compressed or not. I'm not sure how the conflict will evolve. 

But I love the concept. 

It's probably been done a hundred times, and will probably be done a hundred more times, but anyway. It's simple. This "thing" (I'm not going to say exactly what) has the ability to detect a persons sins, and uses that ability to get the person to own up to it. To confess and beg for forgiveness. And because the creature is slightly sadistic, he convinces these sinners to take their own lives. Still damning their souls to hell.

And, yeah, with that concept, I don't know how the conflict is going to evolve.

Eh, I'll figure it out.

Anywho, it's nappy time for this little boy.

Gnite!

Ryan

Dear Cupcake

Dear Cupcake,

I'm sorry. You gave me a list of things to do, and I didn't do any of them.

You're disappointed. You should be, and I wish I could be there to see the disappointment on your face. It would be punishment enough. 

I didn't get the living room cleaned and packed. Nor did I get the kitchen/bedroom/name a room packed and ready to move. 

You said if I could get everything moved from one house to another we would go to books a million, and I could have a mini shopping spree, and now I don't get it. I didn't get with the program, and bust my balls to get things done. 

Instead I played with paint and fire. I stayed up too late. I drank way too much soda. And me an Erik tried to go out to a bar on the fourth, and we hung out at the gas station instead of coming home when we found the bar closed.

And I had a good time, hanging out with my folks, and making fun of Erik wanting his dad's motorcycle. And you weren't there beside me. I missed you then, and now.

I don't want you to be upset with me. I know I've been a pain in the ass, and I haven't gotten the list done, and I know you'll be a little upset with me. And that I should be there to see the pain in your eyes when you see what hasn't been done. I deserve that punishment. 

I want you to be you though. Look at me and roll your eyes and take the broom. You're better at it than I am :P and I want you to hold me, play with my hair (what tiny amount of it there is) and tell me everything's going to be okay.

But, you don't have to say that, though. No, you don't. We'll get moved in and we'll love our new home. And then, by some sort of new home magic, we'll get rich, and never have to worry again. 

So, I know you're going to be disappointed in me, but know this: everything is going to get done. The kid gloves are off, and I'm ready. Better late than never, and I'm ready. I will make this the home of your dreams. And, I'll try to stop driving you crazy. Can't make any promises there.

I love you cupcake. More than anything. I want you to know that.

So, don't be disappointed when you get home. Know that I'm going to come home, and make this work.

I love you.

Ryan

PS: What's the cell phone number again? 

Journal 7-3-13

Wiped.

I am wiped out ladies and gentlemen. It is ten till one while I'm writing this, and yes, my a double s is about to go to sleep. But, like I said in yesterday's post, I really do need to set these up to post before I go to bed. I find I get the most consistent views when I post consistently everyday, and at the same time everyday. It just seems to work out.

Anyway, today was another fun filled day. I had a doc appointment, took care of that, I got to fight with the telephone people for an hour, trying to get them to change the installation date for our services. They wouldn't let me make the changes as my name wasn't on the account. Mel got that taken care of though. Now, all I need to do is call them and get them to change the address of where they're coming to install the new services. We didn't have the correct address when we set the appointment up.

As for the rest of the day, it was spent up at the new place trying to get it ready. We put the first coat of paint up in the writing room. I meant to take pictures to post, but I'll get them up tomorrow. It looks good, and it will look better after we get the second coat up. Then we can take the painter's tape off, and you can see how the white stands out against the blue. It's going to look awesome.

On a similar note, I also kind of find myself in freak out mode, even though I know that I shouldn't be freaking out. We're supposed to be out of our current rental property by the 14th, and I wanted to get moved out by the 5th. It's not going to happen. Anyway, I've been upset, and generating this all by myself, because we haven't been able to get to move our stuff from one property to the other. And, that is the reason I took this week off, so that I would have time, and energy, to get stuff moved and the old trailer cleaned up as best we can.

So, yeah, I worked myself up into a tizzy, and now my headaches in ways it shouldn't (part of that might be the paint fumes though). And, I know everybody else is right not to worry. It's only going to take a couple of days to get our stuff moved over, and then maybe a good day or so to get the old property cleaned up. So, yes, I need to chill. I just find it hard to do.

I feel bad. Not because of the freak out or anything like that. I feel bad because I haven't been keeping up with my Things To Do list. I haven't been taking my walk, and I've been slacking in the hygiene department (gross I know). Really the only thing I've kept up with is my blog. And, that might be because it's kind of cathartic, a good sort of daily purge, in trying to keep my sanity. What little of it might be left.

And, I've been slacking off on my hubpages stuff as well. I've wanted to be able to do one a day, but I've done one and a quarter since Saturday. I know it's because I've had other things to do, and I can rationalize it like that, but there's this nagging little voice inside my head going on and on about it. "You're wasting time." "How are you ever going to make this a day job?" "No Hub, no money." Not exactly thoughts that well defined, but pretty damn close. And, there's another one too, one that goes on even when I'm getting the Hub's done, like last week. "When are you going to do some creative writing?" "You still have to finish Cold Lunch." "What about that short story you were going to submit?" "Or the one you haven't finished writing? The one about the gnome." "And, those two novellas you were going to do for HubPages, where are they?" "And, your DnD adventure. You're putting a group together, so don't you need to have something for them to do when they're ready to play?" (That one is really that well defined.) And, it goes on and on, forever and ever, and I don't know how to shut it up. If I do creative writing, something else suffers. The painting doesn't get done. Or the Hubs don't get done. Or I don't get enough sleep. These negative little voices are chitter chattering all the time, and I don't know how to please them. It's no wonder I'm in freak out mode. I can't get any peace! Lol.

Yeah, I don't know. I think I'm just going to go to sleep for now, and try to figure out something to do with those problems later.

Yes, sleep is a good idea.

Talk to you kids later.

Ryan

Journal: 6-24-13

So, I almost wrote fourteen instead of thirteen for the year, and I was like, why in gods name do I want it to be a year from now!?! I mean, I'd be okay with it, if at that point in time, I was a full-time freelance/blogger/novelist/writer thing. Yup. That would be okay with me.

But, there are a lot of changes that are going to occur in the next twelve months, hell, I literally won't be sitting where I'm sitting at right now this time next month.

We're moving, the first of the changes I suspect. And, within the coming month (by July 14th to be exact) we have to be in our new place. Which shouldn't be hard. It's literally on the same property we're on. It's just owned by a much nicer landlady. She's been renovating this thing for a while, since she got her modular home in back in December. And, the work is now at its apogee. just a few more things, and the house will be livable. There will be a few things that will have to be done after we move in, such as painting, and kitchen cabinets, and... I think those are the only two actually. But, yeah, it's pretty much done.

The other change I'm sensing on the wind is my job. I plan on, within the next couple of weeks, to have a better job, either in travel time, meaning less money spent on gas, or a job that pays more than what I make right now.

And, of course, I'm going to continue to try and figure out how to make money online with my own writing. HubPages is just the tip of the ice burg. I need to find out how it ticks, then I'll take that information to another site that's similar in nature. And, another. And, another. And, another. I might monetize here, and do things a wee bit differently. I don't want to get rid of these posts. I like the here's what I did today posts that I do. The little posts that make it feel like I journal. But, what I might do is monetize the blog, and begin posting things like my fiction and fanfiction and what not on here. I don't know yet, though.

If I did try to turn this into a money making machine, what would you all suggest?

• Keep the blog as is, just add ads to it.
• Make a new blog, one for fiction, fanfiction, and advertisements while leaving this one alone.
• Add what you want, and try to use the pages system to make navigating the site a little bit more easy.
• Talk to Kristen about getting my WordPress website going, then worry about monetizing that site. Or something like that.

Yeah, I really don't know. Its frustrating. And, I'm not very good at this.

I need to do some research on this type of career, and see how other people pull it off before I get myself in way too deep.

Anywho, good night.

Ryan

Journal 6-11-13

She’s ALIVE!!!

If you were paying attention to Mel’s status updates, then you saw that Button got an emergency trip to the vet yesterday, and we are happy to report that she is okay. And, the excitement was all caused by an allergy to fleas…

Yup. Button is severely allergic to them, so allergic in fact that she breaks out all over, over grooms, scratches until the bites pop, tears clumps out, and she managed to pick up an infection too. Lymph nodes in her stomach had swollen up to the size of golf balls in what had to be a matter of hours. Those swollen nodes were what caused the freak out, which was a necessary freak out, and got Button the medicine she needs to get better. As well as a way to take care of her, and the other cats.

But, yeah, I thought she was gone. Even before we’d left for Charleston I’d resigned myself to the fact that my kitten wouldn’t be coming home alive. I gave up, and I turned off. If I hadn’t, I don’t know how last night would have gone. I’m thankful it wasn’t what we thought it was, and I’m thankful that she’s still here with me today, even if she’s a cranky little animal. And, entertaining or not, I think I’m going to make some more videos of her. That will make me feel better. Yeah, I think that will make me feel better.

I don’t have anything else to report for the day, except that I’m extremely hair brained. I’ve been trying to get ahead of where I need to be on articles so I can get some time to work on Cold Lunch. Well, yesterday, I got a wild hair up my ass to write a DnD adventure. (This was before the problems with Button.) So, I managed to spend today much the way I spent my first two semesters of college, flipping back and forth through game reference books to put an adventure together. In the end, I’ve got a town of two hundred and twenty-three people statted out, the hook and story seeds for the adventure, and one of the monsters in the first encounter done. I could have had one, maybe two articles written and typed. Then I’d be ahead of schedule. As it is, I’ll be scrambling when I wake up to get tomorrow’s typed, and posted.

On a lighter note, I read the Open Gaming/Game License or something like that. Basically, it’s a law that allows content creators to publish content relating to such and such game without getting explicit permission from the copyright holder, or trying to get the material published through said copyright holder’s company. That means, after a little bit of game testing, you’ll be able to buy a Ryan Smith original 3.5 edition d20 fantasy role playing adventure. I think I’ll try to come up with a shorter description for it. Like a Ghost Co. Games adventure, or something like that.

I dunno.

Anywho, I think it is past time for bed. I’ll talk to you cool cats later.

Ryan

PS: I know I’m a nerd.

Journal 5-22-13 pt. 2

Addendum.

So, I just realized I said I was going to include stats last night, and I completely forgot to attach them. Shows how long I’ve been gone from making myself publicly accountable. Lol.

Anywho, stats:

The Black Hole’s Teeth

Pages Written: 22

Pages Typed: 13

Pages Not Typed: 8

Word Count: 6,027

I can’t remember what else I included in the stats. Oh well. Getting on to other things.