Puppies

This post will probably not mention puppies at all, so… we’ll leave it at that.

What today’s post is going to be about is my ability to be a douche bag (pardon the language). I’ve had a semi-crappy semi-not-crappy semi-cranky day. It’s been weird. I really don’t know what to say abou tit.

I had to work today, that much I can tell you, and working interfered with me walking earlier in the day. I did do my walk at Walmart when I got out of work, but I think that set me off kilter to start with. It’s insane, but in those two days I got used to doing my walk when I woke up, took Erik to work, and what not, then going on with the rest of my day. And, just having to work today threw me off. I really gotta get my shit straight.

So, the walk was late, The Goal That Shall Not Be Named was later, and once again, I’m sitting here at 10:30 pm trying to get a blog post written. I’m still not sure what the post’s topic ought to be.

I could actually write about puppies… now that I’m done whining about how life didn’t work out the way I wanted it too. And, the real good answer to that, the one I need to hear is boo hoo, get used to it. If you want to make something of yourself in life, or try to change something about your life, sitting around and complaining about it isn’t going to get anything done.

My wife and I had a long talk about that, and I came to the same conclusion I’ve always come too. I need to change, I need to put forward the effort required to turn my life around. And, I need to follow through with it. Making plans have always been easy for me, it’s the follow through that kills me.

And, still, there isn’t any actual mention of puppies.

I liked the result I got when I started posting my walk stats and what not on Facebook. I’ve been a little dismayed that those are becoming fewer and fewer, but I’m the only person who can change that. What I’m trying to get at though, is being held publicly accountable for my actions. I liked that. And, I liked the overwhelmingly positive response I got from it right there in the beginning.

There might be a correlation between that tapering off and the number of days I go between posting stats. Maybe. Or maybe Facebook is a bitch. Either way…

Puppies are awesome!

What I’m going to try to do is shoulder a little bit heavier of a load than I have been. Mel’s had to carry too much of the weight for far too long. I need to get serious.

I’ve been looking at doing freelance writing work, and looking at revenue sharing websites (you’ve noticed the ads I believe) and I need to get serious if I’m going to turn this into a form of income.

First, I need to learn SEO (Search Engine Optimization is what that stands for… I believe) and I need to learn some tricks about getting more traffic to my pages. I’ll google how to do that tomorrow, I’m about to doze off right now. And, there’s a lot more I need to look into learning, but we’ll start with SEO and traffic tips first.

G’nite kids.

Ryan

Procrastination

It’s going on midnight as I’m writing this. My eyelids are drooping from my sleep meds and I’m wondering why didn’t I do this earlier?

Is it because I’m lazy, and can’t operate under any sort of situation unless it’s the last few minutes of work time? You know, crunch time, when shit gets real and college kids wet themselves because finals have rolled around and they’re not ready. Yeah, I wonder if that’s the answer…

Or could it be that procrastination is a new art form, and I’m some sort of Mozart? My genius shows in everything I don’t do…

Yeah, I’d like to say neither. I really don’t want it to be the first option, but recently that feels like it’s become the norm. I mean for the last three or four game sessions I’ve never had my work materials ready. I didn’t have anything written for the game and didn’t write anything until about an hour before hand. I told Mel that if I was getting paid to do this I’d be out of a job.

Yes, that’s negative, but it’s the God’s honest truth. And, to take it one step further (going borderline self-deprecating) I dropped the ball last week. I meant to put in the time to get articles written and posted on a few revenue sharing websites. Maybe even seek out a couple of articles I could have written for a magazine or some such thing; a little review or something maybe. I don’t know, just something to put money in our pockets.

I didn’t get anything like that done. Not entirely true, I got one article done for HubPages, and I think it’s got sixteen view since I posted it. (Creepy update: my article had exactly 16 views when I checked it right after writing this article…) Yeah, that’s really making me a lot of money.

And, now I’ve stepped off the cliff into full on self-deprecating mode. I don’t want to do this. There’s no reason to beat myself up. There’s nothing positive to it.

What I need to do now is look for the positive in the things I’ve done. I’ve procrastinated, yes, but what did get written was still good material, it was still proof that I can do this. As for the articles… oh well, I missed the opportunity, but I can see it coming around again. The websites I’m looking at haven’t dropped off the face of the internet, so if I feel the need too I can write all those articles this week.

How does this relate to procrastination? It’s all part of learning a lesson about how I should look at what’s going on and manage my time so that I get the things I need to do done. It teaches me I need a little more focus.

Some of those might sound negative. I don’t see them that way, though. I see them as positive lessons pushing me a little bit closer to the day when I’ve got my shit straightened out.

And, being able to look at it like this is another step in that direction. All I can say now is I will do better tomorrow.

And… I’m going to bed.

Sleep is good.

Ryan

Journal 7-16-13

Anybody know what's going on in life today?

I missed it. Lol.

I dunno, I've missed a lot lately. I've been really busy, which is the main reason I haven't been posting here. I should have made time to post here, but hindsight is twenty-twenty or something like that.

Anyway, we are moved into the new house. It's still not finished yet, but even with the contractor here, and only being able to use half the space in the house, it's so much better than our old place. Plus, if the contractor's right (I'm not holding my breath), it should only be two or three more days before he's finished and we get some breathing room.

I've also fallen behind on a couple of other things. Writing mainly. I haven't been posting here. I haven't been doing Hubs. And, I haven't been doing any creative writing...

Well, that last statement is kind of a lie. I have been doing some creative writing. I've got a neat little short story going, but it's not anything related to a possible money making project. And, I still haven't decided if I'm going to publish it on HubPages, or see if I can possibly get it published through a magazine or some such thing. Anything is possible. Especially when I'm involved.

I have been doing a couple of neat things though.

I've been playing with fire. Lol.

The new landlord's have something of a mess in their backyard from the renovations done to the trailer, and I've been burning the leftover bits of wood and flooring and whatnot. Nothing that's harmful to mother nature. Just a pretty, hypnotizing flame. Sitting and staring at it might be one of the reasons I haven't gotten any writing done. Maybe.

Another is construction. I've begun working on a something. I have and haven't decided what it is yet. Right now it's four two-by-fours nailed together using two smaller two-by-fours. I'm thinking it's going to be a bookshelf. Maybe. And, that's only because I haven't decided to feed it to the fire yet. I'll take some pictures of it in the next day or so to post here and on facebook. It'll be nice to have some physical type of art to show off. Lol.

I think there was something else. But, I'm really not sure. It's bedtime for me, so, it's kind of hard to remember things.

I'll talk at you kids later.

Ryan

Journal 7-3-13

Wiped.

I am wiped out ladies and gentlemen. It is ten till one while I'm writing this, and yes, my a double s is about to go to sleep. But, like I said in yesterday's post, I really do need to set these up to post before I go to bed. I find I get the most consistent views when I post consistently everyday, and at the same time everyday. It just seems to work out.

Anyway, today was another fun filled day. I had a doc appointment, took care of that, I got to fight with the telephone people for an hour, trying to get them to change the installation date for our services. They wouldn't let me make the changes as my name wasn't on the account. Mel got that taken care of though. Now, all I need to do is call them and get them to change the address of where they're coming to install the new services. We didn't have the correct address when we set the appointment up.

As for the rest of the day, it was spent up at the new place trying to get it ready. We put the first coat of paint up in the writing room. I meant to take pictures to post, but I'll get them up tomorrow. It looks good, and it will look better after we get the second coat up. Then we can take the painter's tape off, and you can see how the white stands out against the blue. It's going to look awesome.

On a similar note, I also kind of find myself in freak out mode, even though I know that I shouldn't be freaking out. We're supposed to be out of our current rental property by the 14th, and I wanted to get moved out by the 5th. It's not going to happen. Anyway, I've been upset, and generating this all by myself, because we haven't been able to get to move our stuff from one property to the other. And, that is the reason I took this week off, so that I would have time, and energy, to get stuff moved and the old trailer cleaned up as best we can.

So, yeah, I worked myself up into a tizzy, and now my headaches in ways it shouldn't (part of that might be the paint fumes though). And, I know everybody else is right not to worry. It's only going to take a couple of days to get our stuff moved over, and then maybe a good day or so to get the old property cleaned up. So, yes, I need to chill. I just find it hard to do.

I feel bad. Not because of the freak out or anything like that. I feel bad because I haven't been keeping up with my Things To Do list. I haven't been taking my walk, and I've been slacking in the hygiene department (gross I know). Really the only thing I've kept up with is my blog. And, that might be because it's kind of cathartic, a good sort of daily purge, in trying to keep my sanity. What little of it might be left.

And, I've been slacking off on my hubpages stuff as well. I've wanted to be able to do one a day, but I've done one and a quarter since Saturday. I know it's because I've had other things to do, and I can rationalize it like that, but there's this nagging little voice inside my head going on and on about it. "You're wasting time." "How are you ever going to make this a day job?" "No Hub, no money." Not exactly thoughts that well defined, but pretty damn close. And, there's another one too, one that goes on even when I'm getting the Hub's done, like last week. "When are you going to do some creative writing?" "You still have to finish Cold Lunch." "What about that short story you were going to submit?" "Or the one you haven't finished writing? The one about the gnome." "And, those two novellas you were going to do for HubPages, where are they?" "And, your DnD adventure. You're putting a group together, so don't you need to have something for them to do when they're ready to play?" (That one is really that well defined.) And, it goes on and on, forever and ever, and I don't know how to shut it up. If I do creative writing, something else suffers. The painting doesn't get done. Or the Hubs don't get done. Or I don't get enough sleep. These negative little voices are chitter chattering all the time, and I don't know how to please them. It's no wonder I'm in freak out mode. I can't get any peace! Lol.

Yeah, I don't know. I think I'm just going to go to sleep for now, and try to figure out something to do with those problems later.

Yes, sleep is a good idea.

Talk to you kids later.

Ryan

Journal 7-2-13

I really need to start writing these before I go to bed.

Anyway, there weren't very many adventures yesterday, mainly just trying to get it so that we could start moving in. There is space, but since there was a storm yesterday evening I didn't really feel like moving things up to the house. Today, however, Cat Mountain will be moved, and maybe I'll start to calm down about getting everything done.

I feel like I'm not making any progress, because I can't see the progress. I can't see the movement of our things from this place to the next. Everything, except for one chair, is in the same place it was when we turned in our thirty day notice. And, like I said, that will change today.

Other than that, there's not much else to report. I've done one Hub this week. A review of Under The Dome Episode Two and that's pretty much all the writing I've done.

I've poked at my journal some, and I've thought of a couple of interesting characters, as well as attempting a few new ways of taking down ideas, and trying to keep them in order. I just started using it yesterday, though, so I'm not sure how well it's going to work.

Anywho, I really can't think of much else to say, so I'll talk to ya later.

Ryan

Journal: 6-26-13

It is not my fault I didn't post yesterday.

Yes, it was my fault I didn't post the day before. At least, I think I didn't post the day before... I can't really remember right now.

Anyway, I cannot be held accountable.

The internet went out. I don't know why, but there was a statewide internet blackout for any consumer who used Frontier as their provider. I don't know why it happened. I would like to know why it happened. But, whatever the cause, I don't mind too much. When we got internet back again, it was moving at the actual full speed we're supposed to be getting (3 megs down, I think) instead of hovering around the middle marker.

But, yeah, I probably wouldn't have posted yesterday anyway. I had been busy packing, and moving, and helping lay the floor down in our new place, and I hadn't given much thought to posting anything at all. I'm not even sure if I put any new HubPages material up. And, what I just finished setting up to post wasn't even written today. It was an article I wrote almost four months ago, and just now remembered. So, yeah.

As for today's activities, I kept them pretty slim. I tore the carpet out of one of the bedrooms in the new place to set up for putting down the new floor. I moved some of the owners stuff out of the back room and onto the back porch, so that when we get the flooring done in there we can start moving our stuff in. That will be either tomorrow or Friday.

I'm hoping for tomorrow. I'm eager to get out of this hell hole and into a home where I can really feel at home. That's something I don't think I've felt since we moved out of the apartment in Athens...

And, I am going to publicly swear to each and every one of you, that I am going to be responsible for the upkeep of our new home. I will make sure it is clean. And, I will be the one doing the necessary and unpleasant yelling when something isn't done.

Just kidding.

But, I will be the one making the chore chart, and thus it will be my responsibility to see it filled out and completed.

Also, I'm going to have a new writing room SQUEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, I think I'm going to set my desk up in the closet. Lol. i don't know why. It's a good sized closet, not a walk in, but it's certainly a place where I can disappear from the rest of the world. And, if I feel like pretending to be Doctor Who, it can be my Tardis :) And, now I have to paint the door blue.

That reminds me. I need to go and buy the paint for my room. Seeing as I'm special, and want it a different color than the rest of the house.

God, I can't wait.

Anywho, I'm going to cut this off now. I'll talk to you all laters.

Ryan

Journal: 6-24-13

So, I almost wrote fourteen instead of thirteen for the year, and I was like, why in gods name do I want it to be a year from now!?! I mean, I'd be okay with it, if at that point in time, I was a full-time freelance/blogger/novelist/writer thing. Yup. That would be okay with me.

But, there are a lot of changes that are going to occur in the next twelve months, hell, I literally won't be sitting where I'm sitting at right now this time next month.

We're moving, the first of the changes I suspect. And, within the coming month (by July 14th to be exact) we have to be in our new place. Which shouldn't be hard. It's literally on the same property we're on. It's just owned by a much nicer landlady. She's been renovating this thing for a while, since she got her modular home in back in December. And, the work is now at its apogee. just a few more things, and the house will be livable. There will be a few things that will have to be done after we move in, such as painting, and kitchen cabinets, and... I think those are the only two actually. But, yeah, it's pretty much done.

The other change I'm sensing on the wind is my job. I plan on, within the next couple of weeks, to have a better job, either in travel time, meaning less money spent on gas, or a job that pays more than what I make right now.

And, of course, I'm going to continue to try and figure out how to make money online with my own writing. HubPages is just the tip of the ice burg. I need to find out how it ticks, then I'll take that information to another site that's similar in nature. And, another. And, another. And, another. I might monetize here, and do things a wee bit differently. I don't want to get rid of these posts. I like the here's what I did today posts that I do. The little posts that make it feel like I journal. But, what I might do is monetize the blog, and begin posting things like my fiction and fanfiction and what not on here. I don't know yet, though.

If I did try to turn this into a money making machine, what would you all suggest?

• Keep the blog as is, just add ads to it.
• Make a new blog, one for fiction, fanfiction, and advertisements while leaving this one alone.
• Add what you want, and try to use the pages system to make navigating the site a little bit more easy.
• Talk to Kristen about getting my WordPress website going, then worry about monetizing that site. Or something like that.

Yeah, I really don't know. Its frustrating. And, I'm not very good at this.

I need to do some research on this type of career, and see how other people pull it off before I get myself in way too deep.

Anywho, good night.

Ryan

Journal 6-23-13

Hello, tots and taters, how are you all doing today?

Me?

I'm tired, and I really need to find my way to bed. Like now. And, seeing as it is 2am I will be making my way to bed quite shortly. I just thought I'd stop in and see how the day went.

My day was pretty damn good. Got to sleep in. Got to go over to Matt and Kayla's. There was good company, great food, and horseshoes. Matt and I stomped our lady friends. It's only the natural order of things. Then we came home, and I complained about not getting a Hub written. So, I wrote a Hub. And, I just published it. I'll be asleep by the time it hits facebook and twitter, but I'll be sure to post those links again when I get up. And, I need to post links to my fanfiction stuff.

And, I've been thinking. I'm posting my fanfiction on Deviant Art and Fanfiction.net, and I'm trying to generate traffic here. But, I typically use this as little more than a place to recount my daily adventures. So, I might just start posting those stories here. Maybe make my blog stand out a bit more, put it on more search engines and what not, and get some followers...

I don't know. My mind just stopped.

Anyway, I'm going to take a nap now. Talk at you kids later.

Ryan

Journal 6-18-13

Up since six.

So, today's been a pretty good day, all together. I'm tired as I sit here writing this, but it's midnight and I've been up since six. And, I'm going to get up again at six. So, I need to be getting to bed soon. But, I figured I'd come here and rant about life for a little while.

Anyway, trying to get my thoughts in order here.

The big thing I did today was pretty much nothing. I worked on one of my stories, one for my fantasy realm. And, I worked on my DnD adventure, also for my fantasy realm, but that's besides the point. And, then I got the mail, went to the gas station, got cigs, the whole wonderful load.

Yeah, my heads really out in the clouds today.

Anywho, my big thing is this. I read an article on HubPages by kksonakia and in the article she was talking about turing righting on HubPages into a full time job. And, her answer was simple, treat it like it's a full time job. Work at it 6-8 hours a day posting roughly 12 (she breaks it down in the article, saying it takes roughly 30 mins to write an article) articles, and do that for three months straight. No days off, no vacations, nothing in that three months, just hard core article posting. And, that would produce over a thousand articles. That seems like a pretty damn good platform to stand on. The problem I see with it is me.

I don't think that I could do it. (And, yes, that defeats me right  off the bat.) But, I've tried to push like that before, to produce 6000+ words a day, it wears you out, and I wouldn't have the luxury of having the whole day to do the articles. I would have to go to work, work eight hours a day, then come home and work another six, and that just sounds like murder. So, I really don't know.

I want to do it, don't get me wrong, that would be an awesome setup. The way she describes it. Write your ass off for 3 months posting a thousand plus articles, then do little more than half an hours work every day thereafter, and not have to worry about a job, part time or otherwise. Yeah, get payed a lot for as little work as possible. That, ladies and gents, is my dream job.

But, here's another thing. I'm going to have to modify what I'm writing about, a little anyway. I'll need to change my tactics to focus more on articles that hit SEOs, whatever the hell those are, and reviews and up to date stuff. That kind of puts me out of the field I like to write in. Meaning, instead of writing about writing, I'd be writing about well, everything else. To an extent I'm okay with that, but I joined HubPages because I wanted to get my writing out there, mainly my fiction, and my mildly eclectic writing about writing. I don't know guys.

I'm going to do it, maybe cutting it down to three hours a day and stretching it out over six months instead of three, and trying to focus on the types of articles I want to write. I dunno. I guess my goal for tomorrow is six Hubs. Lol. We'll see if that happens or not. Lol.

Ryan

Journal 6-17-13

So, I did it again. I didn't write the post last night, but since I woke up early enough to hit it within ten/fifteen minutes of my typical post time, I figured I wouldn't be too hard on myself.

Anywho, what did I do yesterday?

I worked 9-5.

I took a walk in a new direction.

I made a map.

It's for my DnD adventure, it's the site of the first encounter. And, yes, it does look like it was made by child who just learned how to use paint. That is pretty much the extent of my artistic skill when it comes to drawing. I would also like to add that I'm planning on getting map making software at some point, map making specifically for DnD, and I hope that will improve my abilities. For now, though, my players are going to have to deal with the artwork of a three year old.

And, it took me until this morning to realize that the map was in color. This wouldn't be a problem, normally, but I've got a laser printer that uses toner, it doesn't print in color...

Yeah, and that was pretty much the extent of what I did yesterday. I wrote maybe four little bits and pieces about the second encounter. I also did some more world-building work. I made an entire kingdom. Number of towns, town names, population. There are still a few bits that I haven't come up with, but the better part of the work is done. And, what's crazy, is I'm looking forward to making each of those towns, and finding things about them that will make interesting story seeds/hooks. I should note, that this is also crazy since the likelihood that I will use these towns in game is almost nill. I might use some of them, but I definitely won't use all of them.

As for progress on my articles or Cold Lunch, I've got nothing to report. Yup, still been poking at the stories I've got for my DnD campaign. Specifically the novella, I don't know, but I already like where it's going, and I kind of like the fact that I don't know where that is.

Anywho, I'm going to check out for the day. I will talk to you cats and kids later.

Ryan

PS: I did get one of my articles typed and posted though. Level 5 Review of Neverwinter's the title, check it out if you want :)

Admission: 6-16-13

Being Honest

So, being honest, I didn't write a post yesterday. In fact, in the last three or four days I've only written one post. I dislike the fact, but I'm not going to complain about it now. There's no reason too.

Anyway, my brain has been scrambled, and I find it almost completely impossible to focus on one thing at a time. Like my DnD adventure. I've got the story hook, seeds, and the first encounter written. Now, trying to work on the second encounter I draw a total blank. I want to work on this. I want to play Dungeons and Dragons sometime in the next week or two. Get the game started at the very least. Bah. I don't know.

And, the things that have been distracting me are other things I love. I've got three story ideas that are demanding attention. And, they're based off of my favorite moments in DnD. (I think I'm going to do a HubPages article on those moments.)

One is in the planning stages; I'm trying to get to know the characters and the story, fleshing it out, and working it out in my mind before I try to put pen to paper, even to start the Snowflake outline.

The second is a short story. Like most of my short stories it's a seat of the pants story, I'm just letting it take me where the story wants to go. No doubt I'll give it a second draft, and then try to get it published in one magazine or another.

The third is a novella based on a game played with an old friend. I still have to ask permission to use a lot of the plot elements, but I think he'll say yes. And, I think this is going to be one of the best damn stories I've ever written. At the moment it is also a seat of the pants story, letting it take me where it wants, with a vague idea of where it's going. I'll definitely outline it for the second draft, and that's if not having an outline doesn't drive me insane before I get to the end of the first draft.

There was something else I wanted to mention, but I can't remember what it was. Guess it was just a brain fart.

Anywho, I've got to get ready for work, so that's it for the day. Later tots and taters.

Ryan

PS: I meant to bemoan my lack of article writing and lack of work on Cold Lunch, but I don't feel much like complaining right now. So, I'll leave it at that.

Journal 6-8-13

Shazam?

So, I’m bored. Lol.

Yeah, it’s 10:15pm, I have to be up for work at 5 and at work by 6, so I’m going to be going to bed here in just a little while. I do have a few things I would like to talk about in our short time together, though.

First, I’d like to apologize. I was unnecessarily violent in my post yesterday. That’s not to say that I’m sorry I said it. I’m an author, I can see those terrible dark hallways the human mind can travel down, and I’m gifted with the ability to describe violence in extreme detail. I like being able to do that. And, yesterday, I could see the anger I felt, the bloody waves of red that fell over me while they were ridiculing the dead. I couldn’t stand it. So, I lashed out in writing.

Instead of blasting it all up over my blog, I should have used that anger to fuel a short story; something about zombies rising from the grave to punish those who don’t respect the dead. Now, I don’t know if that avenue is still open. Oh, I could write the story, but I’m not sure if it would have the same fire and passion that I felt yesterday while writing that post.

C’est la vie.

As for my next point… I’m thinking about going to school again. This time I’m thinking about psychology, Forensic Psychology and Investigation. The course is at Southern Community and Technical College, and I’m hoping to be able to 4.0 the entire thing, fixing the major screw-ups that occurred my first time through school. Well, maybe not fixing, but it will put me back on the right path. It might get me a nice little office job, and I might qualify for a master’s program. That latter is the real reason I want to go back. With my current GPA, which shall remain unstated, I don’t qualify for any master’s program. Well, I could, but I would have to go through Phoenix and the only master’s I’d want through them would be psychology. Phoenix, with its online courses, doesn’t give the clinical experience that you would need to go into practice. So, I figure I’ll do this, find a good job, then go through with my masters, and get into practice.

And, all of that is moot if my writing career takes off first.

If you haven’t noticed I’ve been putting some work in on HubPages, which is a revenue sharing site based on traffic ads and what not. Basically, it’s paying to blog. I’ve been trying to get my fiction, and my articles on writing to turn a profit. And, they’ve done a fair job. But, the one video game review I did has turned out much better, lol. So, I guess I’m going to be doing some more video game reviews.

Anybody have any suggestions or requests.

Ryan

Don’t forget to check out my latest postings:

The Black Hole’s Teeth Chapters 1 and 3

In the Morning Light Chapter 6

The Toy Wizard

And

Little Nightmares

And

Raising Kain: Diseased God

And, my debut on YouTube

Tuna For The Kitten

And

More Tuna!

6-7-13

Well…

So, I realized I completely forgot to do a post yesterday. :(

Yeah, it sucks, but, it’s not the end of the world. So, much as I put emphasis on my list of things to do, I still did my hygiene thing yesterday and took my walk, so I missed one out of three. Today, I tried harder. And, I won. I got all three done. Well, in the process of getting it done.

I learned something about myself yesterday. Setting the scene, I was at work and the guys were making your mother jokes. Not the your momma’s so fat jokes, but the ones that end in sexual innuendoes or the ones that start with sexual innuendoes and end in your mother. Either way, they were flying around like flies on a corpse, and all of them were directed at this one particular employee.

Now, normally I don’t give a shit about those jokes or the jibes they throw at one another. But, this employee’s mother had died two weeks ago… Yeah, zero g**d*** respect for the dead. It got under my skin, wrapped itself around my spine, and drove itself like a knife into my brain. I couldn’t stand it. I wanted to take each one of them and grind their faces into the grill until they begged the dead for forgiveness.

Yeah, that makes me sound like a completely sane person.

But, can you understand where I’m coming from. It wasn’t my mother they were talking about, but if it was I’d be in jail right now, probably for multiple counts of assault and battery, malicious wounding, and attempted murder. That’s how much it bothered me. And, I think what made it worse was the employee whose mom died, yeah, he was making the same f***ing jokes. I didn’t realize I could get that bad.

Anyway, moving on, today was great! Mel and I went up to Charleston for a bit, hung out in Books-a-Million and ate at Olive Garden. So, yeah, all of you can be jealous. Jealous, jealous, jealous.

Damn.

I’m hungry now.

Thinking about Olive Garden too much.

Anywho, I guess I’m going to get something to eat, and check out for the night.

Laters.

Ryan

PS: Don’t forget to check out HubPages, deviantArt (here and here and here too), and FF.net

Laters.

Journal 6-5-13

Once again.

Bam. Bam. Bam.

Got all three of them pretty much right in a row. When I got back from my walk, I sat down and journaled for a little bit, but after about a page and a half I was up and in the midst of my hygiene duties. And, now, I’m sitting here writing a blog post. Feels good doesn’t it.

Speaking of feeling, I’ve felt pretty good today. It’s crazy right? I had a few down moments, but nothing major to report on.

My Hubs are doing good.

I’ve got the whole of the first quarter of The Black Hole’s Teeth typed up, and all I need to do now is start posting them. The first one will go up on Friday (Well, the third one), and will be available on both devArt and FF.net. Watch here and my Facebook page for the publication times; I’ll post direct links to the stories.

As for Cold Lunch… Well… It’s still kind of dead in the water. I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with me about Cold Lunch, and trying to work out a sort of schedule that will smooth out all of my writing and make it possible for me to focus on my fiction again. Instead of struggling to get my Hubs out on the days I want them to be published. I know what I want to do; it’s doing it that’s turning out to be a pain in the ass. I’m good for that, especially when there’s an addictive video game involved. Cough… Cough…STO… Cough.

And, not really surprising at all, it’s easier to sit back and play a video game, than it is to sit up and work on a story, or an article, or anything else that requires about five minutes of discipline.

I’m trying to use the game as a sort of rewards system, similar to this Hub, but so far, I’ve been unable to resist the temptation, and have been turning the game on as soon as I get a chance. It will take a little bit more discipline, I’m sure, but I think I’ll be able to best it. I’ve been doing good with my list of things to do, and really, writing is just one more thing I want to do. I just have to get around my short attention span. Lol.

Anyway, I can’t really think of any other major topic for the day. So, I’ll talk to you kids later.

Ryan

Journal 6-4-13

Bam. Bam. Bam.

Ladies and gentlemen, I managed to do all of the items on my things to do list, one right after the other today. This makes me feel accomplished.

Other than that, today was uneventful and kind of shitty at the same time. Still on an emotional rollercoaster I suppose.

Basically, I want to go to the beach, and once again, we can’t afford to go to the beach.

It really shouldn’t be a surprise to me, as I don’t have a job that makes any kind of money at all, let alone one that gives paid vacations. So, yeah, hanging the whole zero trips to the beach thing on my head. I usually do, and if I’d made other choices, realized things sooner, and got my shit straight, then we wouldn’t be in this position. We wouldn’t have been in this position ever, and we could have been going to the beach all this time.

Paid vacations…

Good paychecks…

I’m just a wonderful ball of happy today, aren’t I?

Anyway, I’m not sure I’ve got anything positive to talk about at all today…

I have been helping with the trailer that we’re going to move into, and I got to rip carpet up today. Lol. It’s a good stress reliever. Giving one hard yank after the other, and it’s a good thing to do to keep your mind busy instead of letting it wander. I’ll probably be doing something similar tomorrow. Honestly, I like it; I’d rather be doing this and working towards getting our new place ready, then sitting in the dark feeling sorry for myself. It’s healthier.

As for other fun things: I want to throw my computer through a window. The overheating issues have returned, and I can’t get more than ten or fifteen minutes of game play out of it before it goes down. I need to get one of those cans of air, but I really don’t feel like driving to Walmart tonight.

And, there’s my story. My super blockbuster Star Trek story, I still haven’t thought of anything (other than a few small bits, here and there) but I have no idea if it will do any good at all when trying to introduce Star Trek to a new audience.

Blah.

Also, I don’t know why I’m worried about getting the Star Trek script/story written. I haven’t done anything at all to finish Cold Lunch. Seriously, it’s been what, three weeks since I posted PJ# 40. I should have had the third quarter finished by now. And, I should be about ready to start on the fourth. Oh good lord, I hate this crap.

Anywho, I’m going to stop whining, and go and do something productive. Maybe.

Ryan

PS: I made a page to keep my HubPages links on. Check it out, and check out my Hubs :) There isn’t nearly as much whining there as there is here. Lol.

Journal 6-03-13

Ladies and gentlemen…

Please forgive the interruption in our programming as of late. The writer has been under the weather (he still is, but at least now he has an umbrella), and has not been able to do much of anything besides sleep. He didn’t get any of his list of things to do done over the weekend. So, he is upset right now.

And, I think I’ll stop talking in the third person there. It’s kind of creepy.

Anyway, for one reason or another, I’ve had a shitty weekend. Physically, emotionally, and mentally.  Between a headache that’s lasted for the last three days, a getting sick to my stomach due to the weather (and the fucking grill at work), my nerves have been frayed to the breaking point. I counted four times today where my mouth almost broke loose; four times I nearly lost my job, today. Yesterday was worse. Thankfully, I am still employed, and impressed by my self control.

But, I’ve been an emotional wreck, probably caused by the constant seesawing of the headache and the stomach problems along with the irritation. I’ve been in the dumps today, dragging, and just wanting to curl up in a corner.

I don’t know sometimes.

Anyway, I’m sure you don’t want to listen to me bitch for the entire length of this blog post, so I’ll find something else entertaining to talk about…

How about the new Star Trek movie?

Anybody seen Star Trek Into Darkness?

I saw it, I liked it, but I thought it was kind of generic. Super terrorist, (SPOILER ALERT!!!) Kahn Noonien Singh, is attacking Starfleet and threatening the lives of all those living on the planet Earth; he starts blowing shit up, and the crew of the USS Enterprise gives chase. There are more explosions, impassioned shouting, space fights, sacrificial acts of heroism, and in the end the bad guy was caught and the world was saved.

If I took out the part about Kahn and Starfleet, you probably wouldn’t have been able to tell if I was talking about Iron Man 3, or hell, pretty much any other “blockbuster” this year. That’s why I said it was generic.

And, that bugs me.

Star Trek shouldn’t be generic.

So, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking since I saw the movie (probably about two weeks ago now), and wondering how I could go about breathing new life into Star Trek, turning it into the blockbuster JJ Abrams, Paramount, and by extension, CBS, want the series to be. I’d also like to see another television show launched, as I feel TV is the true medium for Star Trek. It’s where they found all of their original success.

Now, I’m pretty sure I could come up with a badass story involving the crew of the Enterprise and probably some new crew for another ship for the new television series (see the work I’m doing for Assimilation Nation on HubPages, and The Black Hole’s Teeth on Fanfiction.net), but there are a number of problems I can foresee, and probably a million others I can’t.

1.       Don’t know how to write a script

2.       Not sure what’s popular with the 18-25 demographic

3.       Not sure what age range I should aim for

4.       No idea how to write a script

5.       No idea how to plan out a television show

6.       No idea how to write a script for said television show

I could probably go on like that for a while. My head is starting to hurt again, though. So, I’m going to check out for the day.

Later kids.

Ryan

Journal 5-31-13

I did it!

I finally managed to actually do it!

And, you’re a perv…

Anyway, I managed to do my list of things to do one right after the other. I just took my walk, did my hygiene duties, and now I’m sitting at my computer writing my blog post. I feel accomplished.

I just don’t know what to talk about now. I’ve been giving you “a day in the life of” sort of posts since I came back from the beyond. My views jumped sky high (for me anyway) and now they’ve dropped back down to 15 or 16 a day.

What happened?

Do I not post enough funny pictures about cats?

Or do I bitch too much?

I probably bitch too much. I’m good at that.

I am going to think of an interesting topic though. Right now… it’s going to be a good one… and all I can think of is the dude who ate the homeless guy’s face down in Florida. I’m not sure if that’s an interesting topic anymore or not. I think it’s creepy as hell, but it’s just one of those insane things that people do. There was another story that came out around the same time as the “face eater” and it was a guy who was cutting open his stomach for some reason, and when the police tried to help him, he started throwing his intestines at the cops. What the hell?

I don’t know.

What goes through these people’s minds? Do they plan this shit? Or is it completely random? And, if it’s random, what breaks in the brain to make it happen? And, I think we see those sort of issues on a small scale each and every day. I don’t mean people who are going to eat your face, or throw intestines at you, but what about the people who cut and burn themselves? Is the pain a release? A cry for help? What makes you want to do such a thing?

I had an experience similar to that before. I’ve got a huge burn on my hand that I tell everyone is because I touched my hand to a hot engine block. But, it’s not an accidental burn. It was a cigarette, one that was applied time and time and time again until there was no way to feel the pain I was inflicting. I can tell you now, I don’t know why I didn’t. It was like I wasn’t me, and I was just watching it happen, like it was on television.

Is that what happens when somebody cuts, or burns? Do they watch themselves do it from the outside, like they’re watching some person, some other, destroy their skin and send pain travelling up and down their arm? Is that a release?

I didn’t feel any sort of release after my burn. I looked at my hand and knew it should hurt, but I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t gain anything from the situation except for a scar I lie about. And, now, the scar breeds empty curiosity. I look at it and think; why did I do that? Was there a reason? Was there ever a reason? I don’t know the answers to those questions.

And, that became a really serious topic without me meaning too. I’m sorry about that.

Anywho, I am currently working on typing my next Hub, so the link will be on my Facebook page tomorrow at some point. If twitterfeed doesn’t do it automatically, then I’ll go in and post it by hand. Also on the writing front, I’ve got most of another article written :) I still haven’t worked on Cold Lunch. I think I’m avoiding it. I dunno.

That’s all for today. I shall talk to you cats later.

Ryan

Journal 5-30-13

Exciting…

Yeah, today wasn’t. Work sucked, even though I was only there for four hours. A corporate guy came in to inspect the store, so, the managers thought it would be a good idea to have every F**K*NG employee work. It was cramped, and I got claustrophobic. I wigged, and I tried to focus on my job, but everything around me was overloading me. The result, I got yelled at a couple of times.

Anyway, after the guy left, the managers were like “Shit, we’re not making enough money to support the people we have on the clock.” So, they sent half of us home. I was one of those people.

And, so far as I know, I didn’t get written up, and I still have a job. We’ll keep our fingers crossed on that one.

Other than that, I did get my Hub typed and posted. If you didn’t catch the link on my Facebook Page (which you should like if you haven’t already), I’ve got it for ya right now. A Review of Star Trek Online: Legacy of Romulus. It’s a simple title that says exactly what it’s about. Lol. I don’t know if I could make it any clearer than that.

In other news, I have the next Hub written, the one I plan on posting tomorrow, I just don’t have it typed yet. So, it might get typed, and it might not. Really pushing for the first option.

And, I’ve got one major thing I need to do. Things to do, you know, my walk, hygiene, and blogging, well I need to get better at controlling the way I go about it. I want it to work like this: take a walk, get back and deal with hygiene, write my blog and go on my marry way with the rest of the day. Doesn’t happen like that. Usually what happens is I come home from my walk, and I see my chair as soon as I get in the door. It’s a walmart bought chair, so it’s not exactly what I would call comfortable, but it is inviting. And, I’ll give in to the temptation of the chair and set down. And, from there I’ll get my computer. Then I’ll play STO and it will be 11 or 12 before I get in the shower and get this written. I’ve got to beat the temptation of the chair.

Well, we’ll see how that works out in the next few days.

I wish I had some other exciting news to give, but I really don’t. I worked on job applications for banks, got in touch with my references, and filled out the rest of my resume. Now, I just need to turn said applications in, and collect a few more, and a few more, and just get the bases covered real good. Maybe I’ll even work up a skills based resume, one that focuses on my creativity, and throw it up on monster, let everybody in a hundred or so mile radius know that I’m looking for creative work. Something like that any way.

Then there are other options. But, I’m about to start typing with my forehead, and you won’t be able to make much sense out of that.

Ciao.

Ryan

Journal 5-29-13

I did pretty good.

I’ve done pretty good today, and that’s on top of me feeling like I’ve had a really crappy day. I don’t have a particular reason for feeling like I’ve had a crappy day, I’ve just been negative. And, it kind of started yesterday. Like I was walking along and I stepped on a tack or something. Not something that’s painful, but just irritating enough to ruin your day, thinking that you should have paid attention to where you were walking, that you should have taken a different step, and… Holy crap, that’s a perfect metaphor for what’s going on with me.

Anyway, I’ve not really done anything productive today. Not really anything at all.

The closest I’ve come to productivity today has been taking care of my list of things to do done one right after the other. That’s why I said I did pretty good.

About being productive, it is only seven o’clock while I’m writing this, so it’s very very possible that I’ll get something productive done. Maybe I’ll type the Hub I wrote yesterday, and get that set to publish either later today or tomorrow. It’s not a continuation of my Star Trek Snowflake thing. I just wanted to write a review on Star Trek Online: Legacy of Romulus. I don’t really know how I feel about my first ever review type article. I don’t think I did a particularly good job with it, but I guess that’s up for you ladies and gentlemen to decide.

Anywho, if anything productive does happen today you’ll hear about it on my Facebook Page. Check it out, like it, and maybe I’ll be tempted to put some more content on it. Lol.

Later kids.

Ryan

Journal 5-27-13

Happy Birthday Erik, ya old fart.

Other than that, I guess I could go over a little of what went on today.

I worked. It sucked. But, not as bad as most days. Most days it’s kind of horrid.

On a happier note, I finished the first quarter of The Black Hole’s Teeth, and starting this Friday I shall resume publishing the chapters. You’ll be able to find them on ff.net and on devArt. This week also marks the end of In the Morning Light. The Epilogue comes out on Friday, and I expect that will be an exciting day for fanfictioners. As for posting In the Morning Light on devArt, it’s going to go the same way it has been. Me, putting each chapter up as the weeks roll on.

I also got some of The Black Hole’s Teeth typed today. Not much, a chapter and a half, but better than nothing if I am not mistaken.

As for other things, I set up a tentative publishing schedule for some Hubs. And, my fingers need to get moving, because it starts this week. Lol.

I wanted to get to Cold Lunch today, but I obviously didn’t want to get to it enough. I don’t want to force it, but I’m going to have too. I’m going to have to get past this…this whatever it is. Fear of one thing or another. I need to get away from that. I need to find the zen in my mind, that will take me to the completion of the novel, and get it onto the market.

Now, I’m going to finish up things to do by taking care of the hygiene thing, and getting the eff into bed.

Good night, ladies and gentlemen.

Ryan