Negative Self Talk or How Things Get Better

This is going to be a Rated R blog post.

Just a fair warning. It's not going to be rated R because there's going to be gratuitous nudity or violence. It's going to be rated R because of the language used. And, how all of this makes me feel.

I was doing my walk earlier today and I realized something. It's something that's been staring me in the face for the last couple of months and, like the man who couldn't see the forest for the trees, I couldn't see it.

What is it?

I have firmly planted my head so far up my ass I can wear said ass as a hat.

Yes, yes I have. I haven't been posting my stats on Facebook. I haven't been writing a blog post. I haven't been keeping up with my day planner or with my dry erase board. It would take me an hour or two to find where on Facebook my lasts stats post was, and looking at my archive on my blog I haven't posted since May 23^rd. That's way more than a month ago, and it hurts to see that.

So, yeah, here comes some self deprecation.

I don't know what in God's name has gone on with me. I don't fucking know. I was doing so damn good. I mean really, looking at the same blog archive I posted just about every fucking day for FOUR months. FOUR months!!!!

Why in god's name did that stop?

Why?

And, that's not even the tip of the ice berg. I'd been posting my stats on Facebook for way longer than that. Hell, I started posting my stats back in October. Or maybe earlier than that. I'm not sure. I'd really have to dig to find out. I remember celebrating every couple of weeks because I'd made it another little milestone for getting my goals done. Now, I don't even know who that person was, or where they went.

That's what it's all about too. You see, back then I was making progress. I was moving forward. Every step I took, every day I walked and followed through with The Goal That Shall Not Be Named, every day I wrote a blog post, I felt like I was winning. I felt like I was moving forward. And, it hasn't been like that recently.

It hasn't been like that for almost two months now.

I've been regressing. I've come to the point where I do the walk and my goal each day because I feel like I “have” too. Not because I want too. I don't post my stats (and for the last few days I haven't even kept track of my stats), because that thing in me that was proud of them seems to have died. I could even take it so far as to say that I don't know where any of this is coming from. But, that would be a lie.

All of this has a name, all of what I've been going through recently, this regression, has a name. It's called negative self talk.

25 Labels In Your Negative Self-Talk
Evelyn

Everybody talks to themselves, don't deny it. There's no use in denying it. This self talk is the way we interpret the world and how our brains work out the details of every little thing.

Negative self talk is the inability to look at things logically... after a fashion.

“That person flipped me off as they drove by me. That must mean I'm a terrible person.”

“She's depressed because I couldn't make her smile.”

“I'm fat. I shouldn't be fat. I should be skinny. I've failed at life.”

Those are kind of out there examples, but that's pretty much right on the mark. I know I've thought some of those things at one point or another. And, I think I know what's happening with my goals each day.

“I can't walk today because I'm tired and I never have time.”

“I can't write a blog post today, because I didn't write one yesterday.”

“I can't post my stats because it's after 7.”

“I'm a terrible person because I don't have any drive to move forward.”

“I'm miserable, and that's all I'll ever be. I'll never be any better than a grunt worker at a fast food chain. That's what my life has come down too. I'm 28, I have a bachelor's degree, and I flip burgers for a living. I'm worthless.”

There's a trap in there too. You see, it's easy to be miserable. You don't have to put forth any effort at all to keep living in the drudgery you create by your own inactivity. And, then you look at people around you. People who are successful and enjoying their lives, and you hate them. You hate them because you think why are they happy and I'm not. What are they doing that I'm not? They're trying... They're trying to make their lives better. And, that's more work than any miserable person ever wants to do.

It's easy to be miserable.

I want to break that. I want to stop this negative self talk. I want to TRY again. I want to get out there and be proud of the three miles I walked today. I want to be proud that I've been keeping up with The Goal That Shall Not Be Named for almost a year now. I want to enjoy writing my blog posts, and I want to be happy. More than anything I want to be happy.

I know what I need to do to be happy. I need to try. I need to step out the door and kick my feet, get my ass moving forward. It's a long road from here to there, but it's not the destination that matters. It's the journey, it's the journey and it's the knowledge that you tried along the way. You TRIED to make it to the other end of the road. And, if you have that attitude... you WILL make it to the other end of the road. You WILL succeed, and you WILL be happy.

Phil Williams
Wiki Commons

I just need to start trying again.

I just need to start trying again.

So, here and now I make this proclamation:

TODAY, RIGHT NOW, I CHOOSE TO MOVE FORWARD. I CHOOSE TO STEP AWAY FROM THE BED OF MISERY I'VE MADE FOR MYSELF. TODAY, I CHOOSE TO MOVE FORWARD, AND THINGS WILL GET BETTER. THINGS WILL GET BETTER.

Elemental Telekinetic Abilities

Don't worry, looking at the title kind of confuses me tool. Lol. But, it's something you'll pick up on really quickly.

Why?

Because this subject has been covered in a wide array of media, including Disney's most recent animated endeavor. Frozen is the story of the Ice Queen Elsa (her sister Anna and some boys are mentioned too, I think) as she grows from frightened child into a frightened adult who eventually embraces her abilities and sings a lovely song about it. And, now you'll be singing that song all day, courtesy of Indina Menzel and Disney.

Anyway, Elsa is a cryokinetic. This basically means that she's a psychic whose powers manifest as bursts of extremely cold energy which freezes the water vapor in the air (this also makes it a subschool of hydrokinesis, the ability to manipulate water). It's a spontaneous ability that is tied, like all other things, to the emotions of it's wielder, and if their emotions are chaotic and uncontrollable, such as Elsa who spent most of her life as a recluse and terrified of herself, then their powers are going to be chaotic and uncontrollable.

Example: Elsa in public for the first time in fifteen years and her little sister tells her she got engaged after knowing a guy for less than fifteen minutes. Elsa, understandably enough, flew off the handle and her powers went wild. That caused the crowd around her to freak out and cry witchcraft and sorcery, and Elsa got afraid. That drove her powers further and further out of her control. Then she ran away and caused an eternal winter, or something like that.

And, another popular example of a cryokinetic: Frozone from The Incredibles. And, Ice Man from the X-men.

But, cryokinesis isn't the only elemental psychokinetic power possible.

You have pyrokinetics like the Human Torch of the Fantastic Four and Charlie McGee from the Stephen King novel Firestarter. (It's also Mr. King we have to thank for the word pyrokinetic, and any derivatives thereof. Such as words that replace the prefix pyro or tele with another prefix implying some other element.)

You have terrakinetics like Terra from the Teen Titans series.

And Hydrokinetics such as Aquaman, Mermaidman, and Percy Jackson (along with the aforementioned cryokinetics).

Aerokinesis= Storm from X-men. (The technical definition of her power is Weather Manipulation, this, however is a subschool of Air Manipulation as all weather phenomena (with the exception of earthquakes and volcanoes) involve the air in one state of being or another.)

Then you have Benders. This, so far as I can tell, is an Asian term (not sure which culture; my apologies for lack of accuracy) for an individual who can control the elements in one way or another.

There is one thing I would like to note, however. However much it may look like sorcery or magic, it's not. Elemental kinesis is a psychokinetic ability controlled strictly by the mind and instinct. Think of the media you've seen. Can the Human Torch turn himself invisible and teleport from one sid eof the earth to the other. No, he can't, lol. Because his powers are of the mind, not the arcane. It is, however, possible that Johnny Storm could learn how to use the arcane. If he can keep his you-know-what in his pants long enough to study.

Anywho, I'm out.

And, later, I might try to explain how all of this fits into Pathfinder and Dungeons and Dragons. That is, after I do some research and figure it out for myself. Lol.

Ryan

5-22-14

Journal Excerpt 5-3-14

I don't normally do this, and it's not something that's going to become a habit, it just so happens that I had a really bright moment in my journal the other day. It was a moment that I thought was deep and profound, but I'm not sure if it will work that way in the light of day.

Anywho, here we go:

“I'm exhausted. I want to go to sleep. I want to go home. I want, I want, I want... I irritate myself sometimes. And, ya know, I really must not want to get ahead in life. If I did I believe I'd be busting my ass a little bit harder to get Cold Lunch written.”

(This section obviously isn't the deep profound moment. It's the way I start out a journal entry on a typical work day. And, yes, I do talk to myself in my journal... or something to that effect.)

“Why can't this shit be easy?”

“Well, writing is easy for you. You're a naturally creative person who can pretty much turn it on and off like a light switch.”

“I wouldn't go that far with it...”

“I would. There's proof on your f***ing computer that you can do this shit and you're sitting here whining about it. All you need to do to get this novel done is put some effort into it. If you spend half the time writing that you spend whining you'd have the book finished.”

“I'm not going to beat up on ya for the past. (Same speaker, new paragraph.) You didn't do this or that, yadda yadda yadda. You can't go back and change that. The only thing you can do now is change the future. You an only work with the here and now. The past is just that, the past, it's passed you by, it's gone, quit trying to go back to it. I know you're thinking a “but”... Don't. Hit that bitch with a shovel right now, and focus on the future. Now, say it with me:

“The past is the past. It's done and gone and I can't change it. The only thing I can do is live in the here and now. The only thing I can do is keep this shovel with me, and keep carrying on. Keep calm and carry on. And, always remember: Bitches love shovels.”

And, yeah, I felt that was kind of deep. At least I think it was for me. Anywho, that's all from me.

Later kids.

Ryan

5-6-14

MIA

I’ve been out of touch for the last couple of days, and I guess what I need to do now is explain why. Well, I probably don’t actually have to explain why. I just feel like I should since I don’t like leaving things unexplained.

Monday, I didn’t write a blog post to put up for Tuesday. Part of the reason for that is because I typed my last blog post, Spring, right after I got home from work, and thus felt like I’d already written my blog post. I guess that’s kind of a trap I set for myself, because I more or less did the same thing either last week or the week before. I can’t remember. I would write a blog post for that day, and type it before I did anything else on my list.

I don’t like that I did it, but I can’t go back and change it now. And, I can’t go back to Monday to make myself write a blog post. I don’t have a TARDIS. If I did, though, I would go back and make myself do a lot of things differently, but I’m pretty sure that in the act of doing that I would create a temporal paradox and the universe would come crashing down around me.

Might be entertaining to watch.

Either way, what’s done is done.

Now, I have a better reason for not doing stuff on Tuesday.

I went to the dentist on Tuesday. Normally, that’s not such a big deal. But, this is the first time I’ve ever had to get a tooth pulled. And, I really had to get two of them pulled.

One of them they got out. It took some work, but they got it out. The other one didn’t go so smoothly. They couldn’t get it to come loose, or it was stuck on something. I’m not sure, but it wouldn’t come out. And, now the bloody thing hurts. It wiggles every time I chew something, and if I bite down on it the wrong way it feels like I’ve been stabbed in the face.

It makes me want to cry.

I don’t know how I’m going to be able to handle work tomorrow, but I really don’t have a choice in the matter. That’s part of being an adult, I’m afraid.

Oy vey.

Anywho, I’m going to quit bitching, take about 1600 milligrams of ibuprofen and go to bed.

God, be with me, I’m going to need you tomorrow.

Ryan

3-26-14

And, just to throw a DnD reference in there I'd rather fight one of these:

www.conceptart.org

Than have another tooth pulled. Or maybe I'd rather have this thing being the one to pull my teeth. Then I know it wouldn't hurt for very long.

Crazy Weather

http://shop.theoatmeal.com/collections/the-blerch
This is not mine. It really isn't. It's just free advertising for The Oatmeal. 

Is it me? Or has Mother Nature suddenly developed bi-polar disorder? I’m going to think it’s that, instead of the possibility that Mother Nature is going through puberty again.

I mean, don’t you see it? The constant hormonal shifts (hot, cold, hot, cold) and the temper tantrums (the days when all of the continental United States had a temperature below freezing and the snow that fell stopped the world from running). I mean, seriously, something is out of whack with her.

Or maybe teachers everywhere cried out and offered up their candy as sacrifice for a few snow days.

Thanks teachers… >.>

I had a long stretch there, though, during the bad days when I didn’t have to get out of the house for anything at all. Except maybe the need for cigarettes, but I do longer walks then the trip to Canada’s Cash Store and back every day. It’s something I happen to be proud of.

Oh, and I’m thinking about competing in a half marathon. It’s the Beat the Blerch 10K, Half Marathon, and Marathon. It takes place in Carnation, Washington on September 21^st. Setting this as a goal for me is a huge step (as will be finding the money for plane tickets and a spot in the race). A half marathon is 13 miles, and that’s not walking, that’s running. Right now I do 2.5 miles a day walking. I’m going to have to look into an intensive exercise program to get even close to being able to do it.

Maybe.

I don’t know, that would depend on the weather too, and Washington is a really rainy state. And, I’m afraid to set any funds towards doing it as I often really get into wanting to do these things. Then I flake out, and I’ve wasted my money for no GD reason.

I’d get about a week into the training and be like this is too hard for me, and rage quit and there goes that money.

What’s worse is the participation tickets go up for sale on the 24^th, and it’s likely that they’ll have been bought out by the time I make a decision.

And, I don’t like where this is going. Instead we’ll get back to the weather.

To put it simply the DM/GM is god when it comes to their world. They control every aspect of that world, including the weather.

Since I’m the DM, if I wanted to create the weather we’ve been having recently, I can have an Epic level NPC spellcaster cast the spell Dire Winter. This creates a 1000 foot vortex like a hurricane or a tornado that deals 2d6 cold damage for 20 hours.

Or I could…

That list would go on forever, and that’s just the spells I could use to affect the weather. It doesn’t touch what the rules say about how the weather and the world of Dungeons and Dragons coexist. I need to refresh my memory on that chapter.

It might be time for the skies to rain brimstone.

Enter maniacal laughter here.

Ryan

3-19-14 

Caffeine

Ah, such an absolutely wondrous thing is caffeine. Caffeine is probably the number one most addictive drug in the United States. Hell, it’s probably the number one most addictive drug in the world. And, there’s no form of regulation on it whatsoever.

Pop. Coffee. Tea. Chocolate. Soap. It can be put in just about everything, and human beings will consume it by the gallon.

Why is that?

I honestly don’t know. I would assume it has something to do with caffeine’s effect on the body. It’s a stimulant, it wakes you up and keeps you awake. It helps you focus. It decreases the amount of sleep you need each night. Well, depending on consumption it will keep you from sleeping.

I don’t know what else to say about caffeine. I’m not a chemist or a doctor who can tell you exactly what the effects of caffeine are. Nor can I tell you what the chemical make-up of the drug is. I really just know what it is I wrote above. And, most of that was a shot in the dark.

I do know something else about caffeine. Caffeine Intoxication is a type of mental disorder caused by excessive use of caffeine. Say, drinking four or five Monsters a day. It causes sleeplessness, difficulty concentrating, muscle spasms, irregular heartbeat, and a lot of other symptoms I don’t care to mention. (I actually looked up an article about it.) And, the only reason I know about it is because I was diagnosed with it back in the middle part of 2013. It got pointed out along with my abuse of over the counter pain killers and drinking excessive amounts of Mountain Dew.

After that, I cut my consumption of soda and energy drinks down to one or two a day, and I replaced a lot of it with drinking water.

Now, however, my use of caffeinated beverages has gone back up. It’s something I need to stop, mainly because I don’t like feeling like I’ve been stretched out as far as a human sized rubber band can stretch. Still, I know all this, I can see it from the outside, but like a lot of other things, I do nothing about it. It’s pattern.

I’m not even going to go with how caffeine can work in Dungeons and Dragons, and instead I shall leave you with this video regarding Dungeons and Dragons and Mountain Dew.

  

Later kids.

Ryan

3-12-14

Allergies

It’s such a wonderful thing that 99% of the Earth’s population has them; that’s right boys and girls, allergies. Who knows why some people are allergic to penicillin? Or is there a reason as to why people are allergic to certain foods or fauna? There probably is, and it is probably just a Google search away. But, I’m having one of those lazy days where I feel like I shouldn’t do anything, but since it’s not F*** it Friday there’s no excuse for me not to do these things.

So, why won’t I do a Google search? The reason is I don’t care enough about the answer to pursue it. Put forth the effort to find it. However you want to say it. So, instead of worrying about the answer to the question, I’m just going to talk about how allergies affect me and mine.

Allergies hate our family, me and Cupcake, and they hate us in the way mosquitoes hate us. I’m like a walking all you can eat buffet when it comes to mosquitoes, and for allergies I’m allergic to pretty much every type of pollen. If the pollen count is high, my nose is running, my eyes are burning, and I’ll have sneezing spasms with up to 20 or more sneezes. Yes, it’s possible, and yes, it hurts like hell.

Now, Cupcake has a lot of allergies, but hers affect her in a different way. She has near constant sinus infections. Her lungs are always full of gunk and she’s sneezing and coughing and really has the whole I’m miserable sick sort of thing going on. I try to pamper her during these weeks long infections, but sometimes it gets really icky. (Love you Cupcake!) Anyway, filled with sinus problems or not, she’s my Cupcake and I love her.

I also like to make fun of her other major allergy. Cupcake is lactose intolerant. She can’t drink milk, eat cheese, drink anything with the word cream in it, and even milk chocolate bars give her problems. But, guess what… She eats these things anyway. Lol. I’m not sure if she just loves dairy products, or if she’s some kind of masochist.

Who knows?

How do allergies affect my game world; I would have to say I don’t know. I’ve never cared enough to think that much about it. It really seems to be one of those things you can just gloss over, unless you’ve got a character that has allergies. But, still, that’s more of a character trait then something to do with world building. I dunno.

I could incorporate magical allergies into the game. It would be like character xyz has an allergy to polymorph spells. Polymorph spells cast on this character are subject to a d% failure/success chart, and the effect on the character is subject to a randomized effect, plus 1d3 points of constitution damage or something like that.

Who knows?

There are probably rules for it somewhere, but I’m not going to go digging for them.

And, I’m going to call it there.

Later kids.

Ryan

3-11-14

I dunno.

Cupcake has had a hell of a rough week, and I’ve tried to stand by her as best I can. She lost her uncle on Monday, his wake was today, and his funeral is tomorrow, and it’s going to be rough. I know if I was in her shoes I would have broken down. But, she is so damn strong. So damn strong. I’m pretty sure one of my posts on here even goes to pointing out that she’s my hero, my favorite superhero, and the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me. So tonight, when she took a little longer than usual to answer my topic question, I asked if she wanted me to come up with one. She said yes. And, now, I have no idea what I’m going to talk about. Lol.

I could talk more about cupcake, but like I said, she’s the strong one in the relationship, and if I even tried to talk about the hurt she’s had to go through this week then I wouldn’t be able to type because of the tears. So, we’ll talk about something else.

A friend of mine, one of my Dungeon Crawlers, posted this chart on my facebook wall today. Now, I normally don’t pay attention to any of that. I might glance and see what it is, then forget it, but this one stuck out to me. Lol. I don’t know why. Anyway, my steampunk name turned out to be Lord Montague Septimus Wraithbottom, and looking at it now, I realized I did it wrong, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Lord Montague Septimus Wraithbottom, I love that name lol. I might take bottom out, but I’m definitely going to be using it somewhere. I’ve been looking for a name to attach to the lich I’ve got hanging around in Netheretia. I even got my Dungeon Crawlers to get their steampunk names (some of them have complied anyway, lol), and I plan on putting those to use as well. I’ll just have to see where things go, and what NPCs need names and how important they’re going to be when it comes to the story.

I dunno.

Another entertaining thing I thought about doing would be making Dungeons and Dragons version of Marvel and DC superheroes. The one that stands out the most for me right now, is Iron Man, probably because I see him as the easiest to translate. He would be the Iron Mage, a battle mage with levels in fighter, wizard, and technomancy wearing awesome ass full plate armor that might as well be a golem. I could take it even further though, and say he’s a clocknomancer. That’s not much different than a technomacer really, just my term for a tinker in my particular campaign setting. It’s a class that still needs to be built, but I believe it’s going to be a prestige class that would require the successful construction of a golem (an iron golem in particular) and the successful summoning of one of the Inevitables.

As you can see from the picture above, the Inevitables are a race of clockwork outsiders. So, to be a clocknomancer it would make sense for you to be study from the master craftsmanship of a race that is totally made up of what you want to construct. Or something like that.

I dunno.

I guess I’m just going to call it quits for the night. There’s going to be a lot to do tomorrow, and none of it’s going to be fun. So, keep me and cupcake in your thoughts and prayers. We really need some good juju sent our way.

Ryan

3-6-14

Stephen King

First off, if there is a god of literature somewhere out in the cosmos his name is Stephen King, if that’s any indication of what I think of the man. Lol.

Yes, Stephen King is one of my top three favorite writers, and without a doubt he is the best, stylistically speaking, of the three. The stories he weaves with his web of words are above and beyond anything I’ve ever seen. I can only hope to be nearly as good as he is.

And, now, to get my nose out of his crack, I should try and find something new to say about the man.

He’s one of the most prolific authors of our time, publishing at least one book a year every year since Carrie was published in 1974. 1974 was the same year Dungeons and Dragons was first introduced to the world, and both D&D and Carrie are now forty years old. Well… technically, Carrie won’t hit the big four-o until April 5^th. Exactly one month away from the time of this writing.

At one point I had hoped and prayed that my writing career would mirror Stephen King’s. I had hoped to be published the year I turned 24 (King’s age when Carrie sold), and I’ve hoped to be published every year since then. I’ve not really done a lot of work in that direction though. I mean, I’ve got six novels written (first draft at least), but I’ve only got one to the point where I considered it finished. And, I stopped trying to sell that one some time ago.

That’s really my problem too. The reason that I haven’t succeeded thus far is because I haven’t tried. (That’s usually a good reason for not succeeding.) But, in all seriousness I gave it a half hearted attempt what feels like ages ago, and I’ve talked a big game since then. How I’m going to do this, and I’m going to do that, but I’ve put no effort behind it.

I think I’m scared.

I really do.

I think I’m afraid of putting myself out there and finding out that nobody likes it. And, worse, that people will say bad things about it.

I know that’s a damned stupid thing to be afraid of. Everybody has an opinion, and that opinion isn’t always going to agree with what I’m thinking. So, basically, being afraid of hearing other people’s opinions is kind of like not eating because you’re afraid of choking. I saw that on a meme somewhere. Jason David Frank’s facebook page I believe, but where I found it doesn’t matter. I should listen to it. I should stop being afraid of these things and move on with my life. At the rate I’m going I’ll never have the career I want.

So… yeah… That post didn’t go anywhere near where I thought it would go.

As for working Stephen King into my game I have a couple of options. I can use him as an NPC (lol). I could possibly work one of his monsters into an adventure maybe even having it be the primary antagonist (“We all float down here, Georgie. And, when you’re down here, you’ll float too!”). And, then there’s the simplest way to do it. I can use him as an inspiration to move both my life forward and take my Dungeons and Dragons game one or two steps down a much more terrifying flight of stairs.

Ryan

3-5-14

Werewolves

This is going to post on the 18^th, but I would like to note that it’s being written on the 17^th. It is the third post written on the 17^th, and any insanity that ensues from this point is not something I can be held responsible for. That is, if anything gets written beyond these three sentences, my brain seems to be in the mood to do very little. That’ probably a bad thing since I feel like I’ve got quite a bit of work to catch up on.

Oh my, we’re up to five sentences.

Anyway, on the other side of the planet is the moon, and the moon is something important to what we’re discussing. The title of the post is werewolves, so, naturally the topic is werewolves, and werewolves are governed by the moon.

I can honestly say that I have no idea why there is a connection between the two things. It could be that the full moon has always been associated with insanity, and that’s something I can attest to. I worked nightshift at Kroger, ten years ago at this point, and it was always on the full moon that the crazies came in. You get a higher percentage of drunks, stoners, druggies, you name it and people will take it to excess during the full moon.

That’s probably where the werewolf stories come from; people who went just a tad too far under the influence of the moon and potent drink. Maybe a bar fight got out of hand, and one man tore another’s throat out with his teeth. Maybe. I don’t know, and it’s really hard to tell.

Google might know, but that requires more movement and effort then I’m willing to put into it. It is something I’ll look up in the future, though. I’ve always found werewolves to be extremely interesting characters.

You have to wonder what’s going on in their mind during the transformation. Is it painful? Do they realize what they’ve become once the change is complete? Do they have control over what they’re doing? A lot of people would answer yes, no, no, and that’s not something I’m going to argue with. The way it’s depicted in the media and entertainment industry, transforming into a werewolf is an obscenely painful experience, and it’s a total Jekyll and Hyde effect on their personality. The wolf is instinct in its purest form (some would even say it epitomizes the anger and rage spectrums of emotion) and the beast is going to act solely based on those principles. Again, I could see it.

It also leaves the victim conflicted. They wake up in strange places, covered in blood, and with maddening dreams dancing behind their eyes. They don’t know if what they’ve done is real or if it’s a horrible hallucination. Their own instincts, however, point towards the reality of the situation.

And, that is one sort of story I like to tell. It’s the sort of story where a person not only has to find themselves, but to deal with the monsters hiding in the shadow of their hearts. I can relate to it, and I think anybody with any sort of illness can relate to it. Why me? Why am I doing these things? What’s happening to me? These are just a few questions one inflicted with lycanthrope might ask.

I don’t know if I’m making sense at all.

But…

I think it’s time to look at werewolves in relation to my Dungeons and Dragons game.

If we want to look at the broader spectrum of lycanthrope then I can say my PCs are currently embroiled in a conflict filled with wererats. Yes, people who turn into rats after being bitten by rats. I’m not sure what’s worse, thought. Being bitten by a rat and becoming a wererat, or getting bitten by a rat and contracting the Black Death. I think I might be ok with a permanent craving for cheese if I get to live without the horrid pain of the bubonic plague.

As for werewolves, I’m not sure yet. I’m sure I’ll find some way to include them in the story, but now is not the time for that.

Other were-creatures I’m considering are wereturkeys. I’ve got an idea for a holiday themed adventure locked away inside me brain, and wereturkeys are probably the most entertaining thing about it. Lol.

I guess that’s better than a wereduck though.

Anywho, I’m out. Later kids.

Ryan

2-17-14

Ninjas

Earlier today, I wrote a post about Pirates, and now I’m writing one about ninjas. It makes me want to ask the question: Pirate or Ninja? And, I can honestly say my answer has always been neither. I don’t want to be a pirate, and I don’t want to be a ninja. I would rather be a ranger. A ranger’s senses and skill with a bow would stop a ninja before they ever got close and the pure dual wielding styling would drop a pirate to the ground… in several pieces of course.

But, this post isn’t going to be about my love for the ranger class. This post is going to be about NINJAS!!!

…

(cricket chirps)

…

What? I can’t think very well at the moment!

Ninja’s are stealth assassins. The modern media and entertainment industry would have the people of the world believe that ninjas are people who ran around depressed up in black pajamas. This isn’t historically accurate.

If you were walking home at night you’re a little more alert than usual. (I am anyway, kind of paranoid in fact.) And, if I saw somebody running around in an all black outfit with a mask on I would freak the f*** out.  That’s because dressing like that gives the exact opposite effect of what a real ninja is trying to accomplish.

It’s a ninja’s job to blend into their surroundings. And, most of the time that means dressing like a normal person, or dressing in a fashion that’s going to help them infiltrate the organization they’re targeting. Say, for example, they want to get into an office building late at night to deal with a workaholic who’s about to crack the case of the missing crown jewels wide open, then they’re probably going to dress as a janitor to get past security. Or they’re going to dress as a security guard. And, if they want to make things real complicated then they’ll go the black pajama route and enter the building from the roof. Oh, and they’ll pretend guns don’t exist too.

Every time I think of a movie/tv show/comic where it shows ninjas in a modern setting using only swords, daggers, and shuriken, it makes me think of a scene in Indiana Jones. You know, the scene with the sword guy, the one Indy shoots. Yeah, don’t bring a knife to a gun fight.

As for other things… my brain is trying to shut down for the day, so I’ll hurry this along.

In my game, ninjas exist, but not technically. You’d have to look at the rogue class or the assassin prestige class if you really wanted to find one.

Why?

It’s because the ninja class offered in the Dungeons and Dragons source material isn’t considered open content for the OGL. And, I’m too lazy, at this point in time, to develop my own interpretation of the class.

I might do it later, if the Jade Isles (thank you Russell) then it will be kind of necessary, as the Jade Isles are a Far East style setting.

Anywho, I’m checking out now.

Later kids.

Ryan

2-17-14

Pirates

For reasons undisclosed, as they would sound like excuses, I’ve not been posting on my blog because I’ve not been getting the posts written. In fact, the topic I was given for this post was given to me on Saturday. So, yes, I’m quite behind. To try and make up for that fact I’m going to post twice today: once with this topic, and once with my topic from yesterday.

Blah.

Anywho, the topic of the day is pirates. Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain James Hook, Captain Killian Jones, Edward Teach, and Bluebeard, all of these are famous pirates. (Killian Jones is Once Upon a Time’s version of Captain Hook, I think.) And, most of them, I believe, are fictional. I know Edward Teach (Blackbeard) was a factual pirate, and I think Bluebeard might be real, but I have no idea on that part. But, what I’m really trying to get at is how those individuals have become more than the sum of their parts. They’re famous. They’re sex symbols. They make all the ladies swoon and all the men cheer. And, why is it that they do that? They used to be villains in the stories that featured them. The scum and villainy of the seas.

Why did all that change?

I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure some of it has to do with pop culture. Slowly, society has moved away from the Knight in Shining Armor and things have drifted over to the antihero. Who has more fans Batman or Superman? My guess (even though I’m a Superman fan boy) would be Batman. He has that edge o barely controlled darkness hanging about him. It’s a total sense and sensation that he could erupt at anytime. It’s something that appeals to people in this day and age, because it’s relatable.

How many of you have been so angry all you wanted to do was punch a small child in the face (figuratively speaking of course)? I know I have. I know that anger has simmered beneath my skin, boiling my blood and I can see that same anger cut into the lines on the Dark Knight’s face. I know that he’s just like me, and he takes it a step beyond. He takes that anger and uses it as a tool.

Pirates are a similar sort of antihero, though it’s not always anger that connects us to them. I believe it’s a true idea of freedom that draws us to them. What do pirates do? Whatever the hell they want to do. If they see something they want they take it. If they want to get wasted and stay wasted 24/7 they do it. If they want to… yeah, the list could go on for a while. Basically, pirates have the freedom that we’re denied by the laws and boundaries of our society. We seek these fictional characters out because we want to live our lives vicariously through them. It’s a type of escapism that we crave, and one that almost every type of fiction provides. And, that escapism and lust for a vicarious life has followed us all the way through the ages.

At this point I could give examples, but I kind of already have. I listed off the pirates. I mentioned Batman and Superman. And, now I guess I’ll mention mythology.

Myths and legends of ancient cultures pretty much defined escapism. The Greeks lived through the glories of the Trojan War alongside Achilles. The Visigoths and the Vikings changed Beowulf as they marched into battle. (Probably not, but it’s a neat thought, lol.) And, always have there been stories told to children. They have the most imagination, and the most incredible escapist ability ever. They imagine everything from pirates like Captain Jack Sparrow, to the Kraken, and to things that would utterly terrify adults.

That feels like a good place to end this post. But, I normally talk about how the topic of the post relates to my gaming world. And, I will do that, just not in this post. Lol.

Now, go pop Pirates of the Caribbean into the DVD player, and have a blast living as Captain Jack Sparrow for two and a half hours.

Later kids.

Ryan

2-17-14

PS: I feel the need to point out two things.

1      1.)      I have never, and will never harm a child; it’s just a phrase I use to show my frustration.

2      2.)      I can’t remember what else I was going to say…

Purple

Today’s topic is purple. It is the color of royalty, and those dragons you see down at the gas station during a bad acid trip. I really don’t know what that’s like, and it makes me happy. I have enough crazy shit going on inside my head, I don’t need to compound this with chemicals that make things worse.

Say no to drugs, kids.

And, I forgot what I was saying…

Oh, right, Purple, the color of kings. This is the color Julius Caesar wore the day his armies marched on Rome. He knew he would become Rome’s number one citizen, and the first emperor, even though he never really was called an emperor. I think most of that is attributed to Ceasar Octavious, Julius nephew, who changes his name to Caesar Augustus when he takes the throne.

Though, I guess Augustus would have had to have someone build a throne, you know, since he was the first emperor and the first sole ruler in Rome for something like five hundred years, I think it was. I’m not sure.

History lesson aside, Cupcake (who did you expect?) gave me the color purple as my topic for the day. She didn’t realize that today was cancer awareness day or some such thing, and that their dominant color is purple. I forget exactly what organization she was talking about. It probably wouldn’t take much in the way of a Google search to find out, but I’m lazy and I don’t want to do it.

As for other things, on days like this, when the topic comes from a color. I really wish I had a wide array of pens to choose from. Yes, instead of writing this in purple ink… I’m writing it in black. Oh the shame! Yeah, felt a little overdramatic there for a moment.

Now, I believe I’ve run out of things to say about the color purple.

Isn’t there a movie or a book by that name? The Color Purple?

I believe there is, and I think it was about race relations or something like that. I’m not sure, I’ve never read it. I know Google’s an option, but again, lazy.

How could I incorporate the color purple into my Dungeons and Dragons game? Well… I’ve already done that. A certain little boy’s “invisible friend” likes to change the colors of the PCs at random. I’ve actually worked up a chart for it :D

And, now for shits and giggles, I’m going to try an experiment. Which of my players read my blog?

The little boy in the game is Jacob. He’s an orphan, his mother and father killed by slavers when they attacked his home town. Jacob’s invisible friend is known as The Childlike Goddess (like The Childlike Empress from The Neverending Story). She is a greater deity with 20 divine ranks. She has 60HD (hit dice) worth of outsider “levels” (not actually levels, but there’s no better way to describe them) and she has 62 class levels covering the Barbarian, Wizard, Sorcerer, and Wilder classes. She was born a dragon (half celestial gold) and is older than almost any other dragon, though she chooses to remain in the guise of an 8 year old elven girl when she needs to be seen, and a wyrmling (youngest type of dragon) when she needs to fight. Though, most of the time she prefers to stay invisible and incorporeal.

And, unlike the topic of the post, her favorite color is pink.

With that, you kids have a fun day. I’m going to sleep through it.

Ryan

2-4-14

Yes, this post was written almost a week ago… I’m not proud of that. I’ve had a hiccup in life over the last half a week or so, and I don’t know where it came from. Part of it, was me instituting my F*** it Friday policy, the rest was a blur. It might have to do with me landing on my ribs pretty hard core, and feeling like crap after all that. And, how that pain has grown over the last week until it’s some great monster I’m afraid of. I’m going to go and get it looked at this week. And, hopefully it won’t be bad news.

Also, hopefully, I’ll be able to get back on track. Back to my walking. Back to my writing. Blogging. Goalling. And, yeah, you probably get the picture.

I’m dusting myself off this week, and trying to get back into the game.

I hope you’ll ride along to see the result.

And, one other thing, I’ve been posting my first novel here on the blog, Raising Kain: Diseased God, and I was wondering what you all thought of that. The first five chapters have posted already (links below) and I wanted to know if you liked them… Basically, I’m asking if I should post the rest of the story, or if it’s better off left in a hidden file folder on my computer?

Raising Kain: Diseased God

Foreword

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Let me know what you think. Comments are accepted below J And, you can comment on the link from Facebook J or reply @ryanmsmith1986 on Twitter J

Clowns

I feel like I should be writing this post in multi colored ink. Sadly, it’s been a long time since I’ve had one of those gel multi colored pens. And… my brain stopped, dead in its tracks. It doesn’t want to discuss this topic. Clowns are the bane of mortal existence.

Like it’s really fighting it.

Why won’t the brightly colored costumes go away?

No more pom-pom buttons. No more. Please. I beg of you. I swear I’ll never watch Killer Klowns from Outer Space after dark again. I promise!

Yeah, brains still not feeling this.

It makes me upset. I usually have so much fun writing these, so I don’t know why my forehead is so thick right now. I really just want to go to bed. Yes, that would be very nice.

It’s still too early for bed, though. And, there are still several things on the “to do” list. I need to get them done before bed. Yes. Yes, I do.

Does it ever feel like you’re trying to convince yourself to do something? It feels that way for me, all the time. I always need to coax myself to actually get anything done. Like right now. Mentally, I’m fighting a war with myself, trying and trying to turn the wheels towards the topic Cupcake gave me.

Yes.

Cupcake gave me clowns as a subject. I hate her for this. Lol. Though, I did manage to pay her back… a little. I implied there might be a clown zombie drider (half drow half spider) thing named Pennywise appearing in the next few adventures. It would be just a little bit of everything my Cupcake hates and fears, and it would be glorious.

Lol.

And, now, I’m wondering what sort of stats would Pennywise (the supernatural antagonist in Stephen King’s It) have?

The way he’s described, Pennywise would be a sort of god-like character. Like Cthulhu from the Lovecraft stories, giving stats to that beast would be like taking God (the real God from the Jewish, Christian, and Islamic faiths) and giving him stats. How can you do it? Where do you start? Is there a beginning to his power? An end?

I’ve made gods before (in regards to a Dungeons & Dragons pantheon for my game), and some of them are so powerful they could peel the universe apart like an orange, but that’s a whole different level of being. There’s no way to get it on paper.

And, I got all this from the topic of clowns. And, I thought the most interesting thing I’d mention would be the zombie clown from Zombieland.

Or, maybe the Joker.

And, for shits and giggles I’ll mention Killer Klowns from Outer Space again.

But, the point of the whole thing is simple. Clowns are terrifying…

That is all.

-HONK-

Ryan

2-3-14