This is an odd one. Lol. It’s like with CM Punk, Cupcake gave me a
wrestler to talk about and now I’ve got to figure out what to say. Lol.
Honestly it should be easy though, as the Undertaker is one of the most
recognizable wrestlers in the professional wrestling industry. At least he used
to be. Now, he’s kind of dwindled down to doing one match a year. The match at
Wrestlemania, the match he always wins because the Undertaker has never lost a
match at Wrestlemania. In fact, that streak has become material for whoever it
is he’s going up against to use in their promos.
Taker’s opponent this year is Brock Lesnar, a beast of a man who has
more in common with a rock than a human being. He’s using this whole “conqueror”
thing as his take on the match with the Undertaker. Lesnar’s manager, Paul
Heyman, comes out to the ring at least twice an episode to announce that Lesnar
is going to conquer the streak.
The match will be pretty good. The Undertaker’s matches are always damn
good. But, one must look at it like this. The Undertaker is probably the oldest
wrestler climbing into the ring at Wrestlemania (he’s 48 and that’s damn old
for a professional wrestler) and he’s going up against the human equivalent of
a semi.
I might actually have to sit down and work up stats for these two
wrestlers just to work out a good probability of who will win. I know it’s
going to be the Undertaker. Let’s face it, if Lesnar wins Taker fans will riot
in the streets. But, just knowing the statistics of the match will be
entertaining.
Something else interesting to note, it was CM Punk who went up against
the Undertaker this last Wrestlemania. That was a fantastic f***ing fight.
And, now for requisite information.
Making the Undertaker work as a Dungeons and Dragons character wouldn’t
be too hard. I’m not sure how the template is worked in Pathfinder, but the Undertaker
could fall under two undead templates. First, and most likely, he could be a
death knight (a grave knight or demonic knight in Pathfinder). I say this is
the more likely of the two as the death knight/grave knight is a martial combat
template. While the other option would be a lich; I could see some
justification for this template through the way the character is portrayed (particularly
when they made a big fuss about the Undertaker’s urn), but I’d still lean
towards a Death Knight. As for a race…I think I might put him as a half giant
or an ogre, something big and powerful, but still carrying plenty of speed (to
some extent intelligence, though that would be a bit of a stretch when it comes
to the ogre).
And, one more fun little thing.
I am absolutely positive that when the Undertaker is beaten at
Wrestlemania it will be revealed that he is a time lord. His regeneration cycle
will kick in, and upon completion of that Undertaker 2.0 will finish mopping
the floor with whoever his opponent is.
So, now that all that has been said (including the Doctor Who reference)
it’s time for me to go and get in bed.
G’nite all.
Ryan
3-10-14
PS: When I was talking about the Undertaker with my wife, earlier
today, I told her he was going to be a fighter/barbarian death/grave knight of
level 13 or higher. I also implied that they might have to face off with him.
Lol.
