Pirates

For reasons undisclosed, as they would sound like excuses, I’ve not been posting on my blog because I’ve not been getting the posts written. In fact, the topic I was given for this post was given to me on Saturday. So, yes, I’m quite behind. To try and make up for that fact I’m going to post twice today: once with this topic, and once with my topic from yesterday.

Blah.

Anywho, the topic of the day is pirates. Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain James Hook, Captain Killian Jones, Edward Teach, and Bluebeard, all of these are famous pirates. (Killian Jones is Once Upon a Time’s version of Captain Hook, I think.) And, most of them, I believe, are fictional. I know Edward Teach (Blackbeard) was a factual pirate, and I think Bluebeard might be real, but I have no idea on that part. But, what I’m really trying to get at is how those individuals have become more than the sum of their parts. They’re famous. They’re sex symbols. They make all the ladies swoon and all the men cheer. And, why is it that they do that? They used to be villains in the stories that featured them. The scum and villainy of the seas.

Why did all that change?

I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure some of it has to do with pop culture. Slowly, society has moved away from the Knight in Shining Armor and things have drifted over to the antihero. Who has more fans Batman or Superman? My guess (even though I’m a Superman fan boy) would be Batman. He has that edge o barely controlled darkness hanging about him. It’s a total sense and sensation that he could erupt at anytime. It’s something that appeals to people in this day and age, because it’s relatable.

How many of you have been so angry all you wanted to do was punch a small child in the face (figuratively speaking of course)? I know I have. I know that anger has simmered beneath my skin, boiling my blood and I can see that same anger cut into the lines on the Dark Knight’s face. I know that he’s just like me, and he takes it a step beyond. He takes that anger and uses it as a tool.

Pirates are a similar sort of antihero, though it’s not always anger that connects us to them. I believe it’s a true idea of freedom that draws us to them. What do pirates do? Whatever the hell they want to do. If they see something they want they take it. If they want to get wasted and stay wasted 24/7 they do it. If they want to… yeah, the list could go on for a while. Basically, pirates have the freedom that we’re denied by the laws and boundaries of our society. We seek these fictional characters out because we want to live our lives vicariously through them. It’s a type of escapism that we crave, and one that almost every type of fiction provides. And, that escapism and lust for a vicarious life has followed us all the way through the ages.

At this point I could give examples, but I kind of already have. I listed off the pirates. I mentioned Batman and Superman. And, now I guess I’ll mention mythology.

Myths and legends of ancient cultures pretty much defined escapism. The Greeks lived through the glories of the Trojan War alongside Achilles. The Visigoths and the Vikings changed Beowulf as they marched into battle. (Probably not, but it’s a neat thought, lol.) And, always have there been stories told to children. They have the most imagination, and the most incredible escapist ability ever. They imagine everything from pirates like Captain Jack Sparrow, to the Kraken, and to things that would utterly terrify adults.

That feels like a good place to end this post. But, I normally talk about how the topic of the post relates to my gaming world. And, I will do that, just not in this post. Lol.

Now, go pop Pirates of the Caribbean into the DVD player, and have a blast living as Captain Jack Sparrow for two and a half hours.

Later kids.

Ryan

2-17-14

PS: I feel the need to point out two things.

1      1.)      I have never, and will never harm a child; it’s just a phrase I use to show my frustration.

2      2.)      I can’t remember what else I was going to say…

Clowns

I feel like I should be writing this post in multi colored ink. Sadly, it’s been a long time since I’ve had one of those gel multi colored pens. And… my brain stopped, dead in its tracks. It doesn’t want to discuss this topic. Clowns are the bane of mortal existence.

Like it’s really fighting it.

Why won’t the brightly colored costumes go away?

No more pom-pom buttons. No more. Please. I beg of you. I swear I’ll never watch Killer Klowns from Outer Space after dark again. I promise!

Yeah, brains still not feeling this.

It makes me upset. I usually have so much fun writing these, so I don’t know why my forehead is so thick right now. I really just want to go to bed. Yes, that would be very nice.

It’s still too early for bed, though. And, there are still several things on the “to do” list. I need to get them done before bed. Yes. Yes, I do.

Does it ever feel like you’re trying to convince yourself to do something? It feels that way for me, all the time. I always need to coax myself to actually get anything done. Like right now. Mentally, I’m fighting a war with myself, trying and trying to turn the wheels towards the topic Cupcake gave me.

Yes.

Cupcake gave me clowns as a subject. I hate her for this. Lol. Though, I did manage to pay her back… a little. I implied there might be a clown zombie drider (half drow half spider) thing named Pennywise appearing in the next few adventures. It would be just a little bit of everything my Cupcake hates and fears, and it would be glorious.

Lol.

And, now, I’m wondering what sort of stats would Pennywise (the supernatural antagonist in Stephen King’s It) have?

The way he’s described, Pennywise would be a sort of god-like character. Like Cthulhu from the Lovecraft stories, giving stats to that beast would be like taking God (the real God from the Jewish, Christian, and Islamic faiths) and giving him stats. How can you do it? Where do you start? Is there a beginning to his power? An end?

I’ve made gods before (in regards to a Dungeons & Dragons pantheon for my game), and some of them are so powerful they could peel the universe apart like an orange, but that’s a whole different level of being. There’s no way to get it on paper.

And, I got all this from the topic of clowns. And, I thought the most interesting thing I’d mention would be the zombie clown from Zombieland.

Or, maybe the Joker.

And, for shits and giggles I’ll mention Killer Klowns from Outer Space again.

But, the point of the whole thing is simple. Clowns are terrifying…

That is all.

-HONK-

Ryan

2-3-14

Cupcakes

I got another topic from Mel for today. I like it that way, personally. I find it rather entertaining. Not that I’m not coming up with my own topics, but rather not being able to prepare anything for the topic before I name it. Cupcake gives me the subject, and I get to writing. In a way it’s easier to write like that.

And, for today’s topic Mel might as well have asked me who my favorite superhero is.

There’s only one idea, one image that pops into my head when I hear the word cupcake. It’s not a picture of a little pastry with too much icing on top. No, it’s a picture of my beautiful wife.

I forget when I started calling her Cupcake and I forget why, but it’s stuck with me forever after. She’ll always be my Cupcake. As for answering the “who’s my favorite superhero” question, she’s the answer to that. Cupcake is my favorite superhero. No comic book character ever has held a candle to her might.

She’s my shoulder to cry on.

My flashlight in the dark.

She’s the strength that keeps me standing.

I can honestly say that I’m still drawing breath today because of her.

Something broke inside me, and she’s helping put the pieces back together, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to repay her for that. I can’t even begin to articulate what she means to me. It’s too much for words, for drawing, too much for any form of art to describe. The closest I could to it is her being my favorite superhero.

If I could (drawing is on my list of things to learn how to do) I would draw a picture of her. In it she’d be standing up on a building ledge, in a purple one piece… Okay, more along the lines of what Black Widow was wearing in The Avengers, but she’d have a little symbol over her heart. In it would be a cupcake, with purple frosting instead of pink, she doesn’t like the color pink, and it would have a little cherry on top of it. It would be a yellow background, a kind of pastel yellow, not the same kind of yellow Robin uses in his symbol. On the back of her jacket the symbol would be repeated, only a lot larger. And, it would have writing around it:

Cupcake came to town to kick your ass.

And, she wouldn’t be wearing a mask. Why? Because she doesn’t need one, and masks don’t fit her personality at all, with her everything is right out in the open. And, she’s a Hatfield; she doesn’t get mad… just even.

She’d also be a walking armory, what with all the knives and daggers and throwing starts, but there would be no guns. Just like her attitude towards pink, my Cupcake doesn’t like guns.

Crossbows are a completely different story, however.

A little target practice with one, and she’d give Darrell of The Walking Dead a run for his money, at least according to her dice rolls.

Anyway, yes, I need to learn how to draw and I need to learn how to code. Both of them take time and practice, and I’m impatient… Damnit.

Bah.

I’ll talk to you kids later.

Ryan

1-30-14

PS: Cupcake, I love you!!!

Yarn

So, earlier today, I sat down to write my blog post. It was a post about yarn. Well, it was supposed to be a post about yarn. What it turned into is not something I want to go through again. So, we’ll go back to the original topic.

Yarn. What is it?

Google defines Yarn in two ways. First it says that yarn is a spun thread that is used in knitting, weaving, or sewing. And, second it describes yarn as a long or rambling implausible story. I agree with both statements.

In a way, I’ve been obsessed with yarn for the last few years. While I was still in college, (taking weaving classes at the time, I believe) I came up with the idea of working with yarn professionally. Basically running my own little internet store, where people could come and commission different types of yarn based products (so long as they didn’t involve knitting) and I would satisfy that commission to the best of my ability. I’m actually rather good at crocheting, and I can weave some… though it’s been a long time. And, it’s still something I think about doing.

Just a fun little on the side business where I make blue and black scarves for Mingo Central’s football games for just a tiny bit of profit. Or do a series of blankets/afghans/something big and sell them on ebay or what not. But, I’ve never done that. I think it’s because I’m not that dedicated to the idea of the yarn business. It’s just not something I see putting my whole life into.

But, in a way it is.

I want to write stories for a living. I want to look into my dreams and show the people the magic that hides right behind the clouds on the bright sunshiny day. I want to show them the terror in the bent broken tree with its shadow crawling across the courtyard… getting ever closer to your shoe… I wonder what would happen… (I just got chills. lol) And, now I want to keep going with that idea. Lol.

I want to write yarns. I want my stories, as improbable as they might be, I want to see them spread far and wide. I do want to dedicate my life to yarn. And, I guess today is as good a day as any to do it.

For the last 8 years my New Year’s Resolution has been the same thing. I want to get a book published. I want to get a book published. I want to get a book published. I’m going to stop wanting this year. I’m going to stop failing at that one little resolution. I’m going to be a published author by the end of 2014 if it kills me. I might not be making my money living off of what I write, but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to supplement my income in just that fashion.

And, this still isn’t the fun, lighthearted post I wanted it to be. It’s serious, and it’s one of those breaking point moments. They’ve come this far and no farther, and all that hubbub. (I think that’s from Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers… it might also be 300… not sure which.) The point I’m trying to make though, is that I am admitting I have a problem. I am not a published author. I want to be a published author. And, today is the day where I finally dedicate myself towards pushing for that goal. Today I shall stand in front of the great beast and cry YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!

I hope some of Mel’s students are reading this. Because that’s exactly what she says about you :P Lol. Just kidding. She loves ya just as much as she loves me… and that’s saying something because I go out of my way to annoy the crap out of her.

My brain got lost somewhere in there. But, yes. This is a public declaration of my goals. My goal for the year of 2014, become a published author. I would like to say that’s my goal for the next three months, but I think it’s going to take a wee bit longer than that to get my book ready to go. So, I’ll start work on it as soon as I get off work tomorrow, and you’ll get a daily update of when it’s going to be ready. J

And… now I have to remind you that I’m also writing a D&D adventure, and that might take some precedence, since the group expects me to have new stuff for them to do every week. But, I will dedicate some of my time to my novel. I promise.

On that note, I’m going to say anywho, because I don’t think I used it anywhere else in the post, and I’m going to let you all go for the day.

Later kids.

Ryan

1-25-14

Days and Days

Today’s been one of those days that’s been both good and bad.

We got the insurance money in yesterday, and I put it in the account today, though due to bank procedures they’ve got a two day hold on it. A two day business hold on it. I’m not going to have access to it until Wednesday. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It keeps me from spending it that much faster, and it gives us time to look at where we need to spend it. The down payment on the Focus is the major thing, then there’s the insurance and other bills. Yesterday I had a spell of depression, because I realized I wouldn’t get to spend it on the things I wanted too.

I feel stupid for that crap today. I’m an adult now and I need to act like one. There’s a difference between wants and needs. And, I can’t help it that I need a terabyte hard drive for my computer. And, I can’t help it that I need a sound card for my computer… And, yeah, you’re not buying this are you? Great. Nobody’s on my side. Lol.

Yes, I am joking. I’ve been told people can’t tell before… so, I’m not sure if I can get that across in my writing or not.

Now, I’m feeling self conscious.

Too move on, we’ll talk about the bad part of the day.

First, I had to work… that’s always a bad thing. Lol.

And, today makes one month since my good friend Bob Shreve passed from this world and into the next. I would have a moment of silence, but seeing as this is a text medium, I don’t think the point would go across very well. So, instead I will wish him a peaceful rest and tell him that he is very missed. Very missed.

Bob was an inspiration to me though. He taught me about play testing for Dungeons and Dragons. I don’t mean what editors and writers of the game call the first few run through(s) with different test players, audience, focus groups, I don’t know what word to use here. The play testing he taught me about was a number crunching game; the DM running the PCs stats against the monsters stats to determine the most likely outcome of the encounter.

It’s a wonderful tool.

 But, I’ll tell you what… I’m too lazy to do that. Lol. I’d rather have a computer program do it for me.

I looked for a program like that, but I didn’t find one. And, I made a decision then. I’m going to learn how to code, and I’m going to write a program that does exactly what I just said. Then I’m going to make it a smartphone app, and I’m going to sell it. And, two-thirds of every cent that app makes is going to go to Bob Shreve’s family and to his church. He can’t be there to support them, so I’m going to try and help out, even if it’s just that tiny amount. I’m going to try to help.

Now, I just need to learn how to code.

That will probably be easier to do when I don’t have tears running down my cheeks.

So, yeah…

I’m going to go now…

Ryan

Puppies

This post will probably not mention puppies at all, so… we’ll leave it at that.

What today’s post is going to be about is my ability to be a douche bag (pardon the language). I’ve had a semi-crappy semi-not-crappy semi-cranky day. It’s been weird. I really don’t know what to say abou tit.

I had to work today, that much I can tell you, and working interfered with me walking earlier in the day. I did do my walk at Walmart when I got out of work, but I think that set me off kilter to start with. It’s insane, but in those two days I got used to doing my walk when I woke up, took Erik to work, and what not, then going on with the rest of my day. And, just having to work today threw me off. I really gotta get my shit straight.

So, the walk was late, The Goal That Shall Not Be Named was later, and once again, I’m sitting here at 10:30 pm trying to get a blog post written. I’m still not sure what the post’s topic ought to be.

I could actually write about puppies… now that I’m done whining about how life didn’t work out the way I wanted it too. And, the real good answer to that, the one I need to hear is boo hoo, get used to it. If you want to make something of yourself in life, or try to change something about your life, sitting around and complaining about it isn’t going to get anything done.

My wife and I had a long talk about that, and I came to the same conclusion I’ve always come too. I need to change, I need to put forward the effort required to turn my life around. And, I need to follow through with it. Making plans have always been easy for me, it’s the follow through that kills me.

And, still, there isn’t any actual mention of puppies.

I liked the result I got when I started posting my walk stats and what not on Facebook. I’ve been a little dismayed that those are becoming fewer and fewer, but I’m the only person who can change that. What I’m trying to get at though, is being held publicly accountable for my actions. I liked that. And, I liked the overwhelmingly positive response I got from it right there in the beginning.

There might be a correlation between that tapering off and the number of days I go between posting stats. Maybe. Or maybe Facebook is a bitch. Either way…

Puppies are awesome!

What I’m going to try to do is shoulder a little bit heavier of a load than I have been. Mel’s had to carry too much of the weight for far too long. I need to get serious.

I’ve been looking at doing freelance writing work, and looking at revenue sharing websites (you’ve noticed the ads I believe) and I need to get serious if I’m going to turn this into a form of income.

First, I need to learn SEO (Search Engine Optimization is what that stands for… I believe) and I need to learn some tricks about getting more traffic to my pages. I’ll google how to do that tomorrow, I’m about to doze off right now. And, there’s a lot more I need to look into learning, but we’ll start with SEO and traffic tips first.

G’nite kids.

Ryan

Sort of on top of things

Today has been good. I really can’t lie. Today has been very good. I actually feel like I’m on top of shit.

For example:

It is 11:30 am and I’ve already done most of my to do list. Once I finish this post all that will be left are the extras on the list. The core goals (walk, The Goal That Shall Not Be Named, and blog post) will all be done. I’ll have the rest of today to do whatever I wish. And, number one on that list of extras is going to be a nice long nap. After I post my stats.

…

Cricket.

…

Hmm, it seems like good days don’t give me as much material to write about. Sooooo…..

I guess I’ll talk about other things.

Like Dungeons and Dragons!!!

DnD has been my favorite game since I was 17, and I curse my mother (kidding! lol) for not playing it when she was young and introducing it to me at a much earlier age. I know my kids are going to be much younger than I was when they first get exposed to it. Hell, they’ll be exposed to it in the womb (right along with the Stephen King audiobooks I’ll be playing without ceasing… you’re damn right I’m going to make my children nerds, I wouldn’t have it any other way.).

And, now I’ve forgotten what I was going to say…

Oh, right, Dungeons and Dragons! I’m going to try and make a career out of it, which will be kind of funny considering the number of times Mom told me I should be studying rather than pouring over my DnD books. Ah, the little ironies in life. Beyond doing that… I’m stuck again… Damn it.

Friggin brain isn’t working right.

It must be where I’m trying to get ahead. My brain is revolting because I’m making progress!!!

Oh, My God!!!

Nah, it’s probably just where I’m not used to writing at this time of day. Writing is as much like anything else, as it is habit forming. If you set yourself into a certain routine (like waiting till midnight to write) then naturally one’s mind is going to be disagreeable. It’s like breaking a habit. It’s hard to do. But, when one is trying to get there life straightened out then breaking habits, and making new ones, is a necessity.

Which is another reason behind my goals. I want to make them into habits so that I do without thinking about it. And, when I don’t have to think about what I’m doing (like when I’m walking) that thing gets much easier to do. Pretty soon my goals will be second nature and you all won’t have to listen to me bitch about not getting them done.

And, now that the moment of positive inspiration has passed, I think I’m going to go lay down. Give me brain a break, then when I get back up hit the DnD adventure as hard as I can. If I’m going to make a career out of it then I need to do some work in that direction. Lol.

Ryan

Jounral 7-10-13

Excitement!!!

Not really, lol. Things didn't go quite the way I expected, and we won't be spending our first night in the new homestead. I did have a revelation though.

I don't take to change well, and this whole situation has been so extremely stressful for me that cupcake says I'm not even acting like I normally do. I can believe that. So, last night, I was sitting in my new writing room, looking at the walls I painted, and I started to imagine where my things were going to be. The way I was going to orient the desk. And, the futon, and the TV (when I have the money to put one in there), the entertainment stand for said TV and my recliner, and book case, and through all of that I realized it had clicked. I was looking at this place, this new wonderful place as if it was home, and I cried.

I didn't cry because I was sad. I cried because I saw the opportunity we've been given. The opportunity to better ourselves, and to live up to the standards this place is going to demand. We will be better people for going through this move, and adjusting to this new life. And, maybe, for those of us who're depressed all the time, it might let in a little ray of Hope. The one that Pandora didn't let out of the box. Maybe that ray of Hope will bring us this new home, and the ability to enjoy it. I know I want to enjoy living there.

Anyway, enough of the semi profound mumbo jumbo. That's what it sounds like to me.

As for the daily report. We moved the washer and dryer. We learned that the dryer power outlet was fried, and that it took our power cord with it. We're going to replace the power cord instead of getting a new washer and dryer. I wanted to get a new set. We also moved the two big dressers in the bedroom, leaving only the chest of drawers and the bed to move (there's also a night stand I keep forgetting about) and the bedroom will be moved. I've been meaning to move the stuff out of the old writing room for the last four days now, but I keep forgetting. Couldn't tell you why, it just flies right out of my head when I'm thinking of the need to do list.

And, when it comes to writing... you're looking at the only thing I wrote today. It's killing me. I need to get my pen back on paper and get to scribbling. At this point I don't care if it's a Hub or a short story or a novel I just need to write something before I go insane. (Probably another reason why my stress levels have been so high.) But, things will improve. I'll get to set my new writing room up in the next week or so, and then I can bend over the desk and get to work. Maybe not even taking the time to look up as I power through whatever project comes to mind first.

Now, I'm going to go to bed. I have to be at "the most wonderful place on Earth" at five am. I hate you McDonalds. Lol.

Ryan

Journal 7-9-13

I don't remember what I wrote yesterday, and I'm too lazy to see what it was. But, it's not nearly as important as this news broadcast.

This, right now, is very likely the last night I will spend on John Ramey's property. (If you don't know who that is you're lucky. I wish I didn't know who that was.) that's right ladies and germs. It is time for the move to HAPPEN!!!!

At least I think it is. Lol.

Beyond that, there's still not much to talk about. 

I'm still working at McDonalds.

I still dislike the contractor.

I still think I'm going to get rich when I publish Cold Lunch.

And, I still think I'm the best thing since sliced bread.

Yeah, that's just how awesome I am.

That insanity aside, I came up with a new story idea :D 

A short story idea anyway. At least it's a short story idea right now. It might turn into a longer idea depending on how the story grows, and whether it feels compressed or not. I'm not sure how the conflict will evolve. 

But I love the concept. 

It's probably been done a hundred times, and will probably be done a hundred more times, but anyway. It's simple. This "thing" (I'm not going to say exactly what) has the ability to detect a persons sins, and uses that ability to get the person to own up to it. To confess and beg for forgiveness. And because the creature is slightly sadistic, he convinces these sinners to take their own lives. Still damning their souls to hell.

And, yeah, with that concept, I don't know how the conflict is going to evolve.

Eh, I'll figure it out.

Anywho, it's nappy time for this little boy.

Gnite!

Ryan

Journal 7-8-13

Forgot to post.

Yes, ladies and germs, I forgot to post yesterday. I even meant to get on the computer and tell you I forgot to post because I had forgot to post until after work. Anyway, that post didn't happen, so we'll just cram two days into one post.

On Sunday an interesting little thing happened. I got off work an hour early, and  Erik was supposed to come and pick me up. Well, I tried to call him as soon as I heard I was getting off at two instead of three (learned that at one). There was no answer. I asked around, well I really only had to ask one person. Shasta, the most awesome McDonalds manager in the world, lol. And, she said she'd take me home. So, I called again, this is about ten minutes before I got to walk out the door. There was still no answer.

So, Shasta's ready to go, and I hope that we'll beat Erik to the house. Hoping that he doesn't leave before we get to the house. And, the entire ride down 119 down 65 I kept watching for my car. I even had Shasta pull over once, and chase another car because I thought it was mine. It wasn't. So, we went on to my house, and my car was still in its parking spot, and I was relieved. I told Shasta I would invite her in, but the place is a mess and we parted ways there.

I also remember telling her I was going to f*** with my Erik.

When I went into the house, Erik was still zonked out on the sofa (understandable considering the time he spent conscious the weekend before). I expected his alarm to go off, and him to jump to attention and be like Oh Sh*t, I forgot Ryan. Then I would get to look at him and laugh as he stared at me. It didn't happen.

Three rolled around, when I was supposed to get off work, and Erik still hadn't woken up. So, I started to try and wake him up. Telling him he was forgetting me. And, telling him that I got off at three and I was going to be pissed. That went on for all of five minutes. He still didn't budge.

So, I went on with the rest of my day. I wanted to strangle the contractor. I worked on cleaning the living room a little more, and when cupcake showed up we went back over to the rental property and I valiantly managed to keep from strangling the contractor in front of my cupcake. (I don't like the contractor if you can't tell.) Then we went back to the house, and continued cleaning the living room. Erik still hadn't woken up.

We went out for dinner at Subway, and a necessities only shopping trip to Walmart. And, when we came back, Erik was still asleep. At that point, it was six hours past the time he was supposed to have woken up and come to pick me up.

I decided I was going to tell him I walked home.

But, after such an ordeal, I decided to take a shower. Erik woke up while I was in the shower, and Mel didn't play along. She just asked him if he forgot me, and told him Shasta brought me home. When I got out of the shower, I looked at Mel, and knew what she did. And, I was cranky, lol. We did get a laugh out of it though.

Today, with the exception of one thing, sucked.

I had to leave work early again, but this one wasn't because of labor. This time I was throwing up in the trash can in the back room and hardly able to breath. I'd been feeling sick for the last few days, I thought it was just a psychosomatic reaction to me being at work, me brain doesn't like me job. But, its never gotten so bad that I actually vomited. That proved to me that it wasn't all in my head.

So, I got sent home, and I immediately fell into two different pits of depression. One was the fear that I upset cupcake, and that got me crying. The other was the fear that I was going to be too sick to help in the move, and that got me crying. Then, just before we took Button to the vet, Mel found an article about these glass pyramids found at the very center of the Bermuda triangle. It's supposition that the pyramids are made out of a glass or crystalline building material. They believe these are to be the first official ruins of the Atlantean civilization.

That was validation for me! I had been saying for years that they should be looking in the Bermuda Triangle, particularly it's center for evidence of the lost civilization. And, now, I just wish I had the doctor who made the discovery's email address to let him know about a couple other structures I think are buried in that general area.

Anywho, sleep is kicking me in the a** and I'm going to give in. I'll post more later.

Ryan

Dear Cupcake

Dear Cupcake,

I'm sorry. You gave me a list of things to do, and I didn't do any of them.

You're disappointed. You should be, and I wish I could be there to see the disappointment on your face. It would be punishment enough. 

I didn't get the living room cleaned and packed. Nor did I get the kitchen/bedroom/name a room packed and ready to move. 

You said if I could get everything moved from one house to another we would go to books a million, and I could have a mini shopping spree, and now I don't get it. I didn't get with the program, and bust my balls to get things done. 

Instead I played with paint and fire. I stayed up too late. I drank way too much soda. And me an Erik tried to go out to a bar on the fourth, and we hung out at the gas station instead of coming home when we found the bar closed.

And I had a good time, hanging out with my folks, and making fun of Erik wanting his dad's motorcycle. And you weren't there beside me. I missed you then, and now.

I don't want you to be upset with me. I know I've been a pain in the ass, and I haven't gotten the list done, and I know you'll be a little upset with me. And that I should be there to see the pain in your eyes when you see what hasn't been done. I deserve that punishment. 

I want you to be you though. Look at me and roll your eyes and take the broom. You're better at it than I am :P and I want you to hold me, play with my hair (what tiny amount of it there is) and tell me everything's going to be okay.

But, you don't have to say that, though. No, you don't. We'll get moved in and we'll love our new home. And then, by some sort of new home magic, we'll get rich, and never have to worry again. 

So, I know you're going to be disappointed in me, but know this: everything is going to get done. The kid gloves are off, and I'm ready. Better late than never, and I'm ready. I will make this the home of your dreams. And, I'll try to stop driving you crazy. Can't make any promises there.

I love you cupcake. More than anything. I want you to know that.

So, don't be disappointed when you get home. Know that I'm going to come home, and make this work.

I love you.

Ryan

PS: What's the cell phone number again? 

Journal 7-5-13

Feeling it...

Yesterday, I felt like crap. Pure and simple, utter crap. I don't know why. I don't know if I overworked myself, or spent too much time working on the new place, or if I'm just getting to old to pull all-nighters. (That last one seems most likely.) But, yeah.

I'm thinking about listing the symptoms of my crap feelings, but I'm sure you can imagine what it was.

Anyway, I didn't get a lot done yesterday. I slayed Cat Mountain, and got it moved over to the new place, though all of the stuff that made up Cat Mountain is now stuffed in the Writing Room 2.0's closet. And, I worked on cleaning up the living room. Packing up the remaining stuff, and cleaning the furniture. I wanted to start taking furniture over yesterday. But, a) I was feeling like crap, and b) I don't know how much the contractor had gotten done, and so didn't know where I could put things to keep it out of the way.

The point of this, maybe, is that I didn't get the living room finished to my satisfaction. Meaning, I'll be working on it again today.

Though, I do get to see my mom and dad today :) (I'm actually writing this post on their computer.) And, it gets to be both business and pleasure. My little sister had a couch and a bed that there was no space for when she moved back in with Mom and Dad. So, we're going to use this for the new place. The trip down here today was too get the furniture and spend time with our folks (me and Erik came down). It worked out well.

As for something else to talk about...

I got nothing.

I could complain about not getting thus and such done, but I've already done this to some extent (see above). And, complaining about it isn't going to get it done (my wife is going "Who are you? And, what have you done with my husband?"). So, I'm going to spend the day with my folks, pick up the furniture, go home, and see about getting done what needs to be done.

Laters.

Ryan

Journal 7-4-13

Paying for it.

Happy belated Fourth of July. I feel like s**t. Yeah, and I'd be willing to bet about a million and some odd dollars that I'm not the only person that feels this way. Yeah, isn't celebrating the birth of our nation awesome.

Drinking beer and playing with fire, particularly explosives.

I didn't get to play with either fire or explosives, but I did do some drinking and I'm paying for it.

Anyway, what else is there to talk about.

Painting in the writing room v2.0 is pretty much done. I got the second coat and the detail finished, and when I started pulling the painter's tape off it took the primer and the wallpaper off of the trim. So, instead of the room looking really sharp with a nice blue shot through with white stripes, its a nice blue with crappy looking brown and yellow and white stripes. I need to go through and repaint the stripes, and there's still some detail work (where the painter's tape pulled bits of paint off with it) that I'm going to need to do with a very fine tip brush. Or finding a sharpie that matched the color of the wall. That would probably work, and it wouldn't drive me crazy. The likelihood of finding that, however, is low and I'm too lazy to do much looking into it. Instead I'll just by the fine tip brush, and a small can of white paint for the trim. It's going to have to wait for a while, though. I don't see the time to get it done right now. Not without sacrificing time working on the rest of the trailer.

Keep an eye on my facebook page, and my devArt profile. I'll be posting pictures when I figure out how to get them off of Mel's phone. Lol.

As for what I'm doing toady? I'm going to finish dismantling Cat Mountain, and take its innards over to the new trailer. Then I shall be cleaning the living room down here at the old homestead. It's going to take forever, but it's better to get it done now, then waiting until the last ten minutes off the 30 day notice. Lol.

And, I guess that's all I've got to talk about today. I might try to be more interesting tomorrow, but right now that seems like too much work.

Ryan

Journal 7-3-13

Wiped.

I am wiped out ladies and gentlemen. It is ten till one while I'm writing this, and yes, my a double s is about to go to sleep. But, like I said in yesterday's post, I really do need to set these up to post before I go to bed. I find I get the most consistent views when I post consistently everyday, and at the same time everyday. It just seems to work out.

Anyway, today was another fun filled day. I had a doc appointment, took care of that, I got to fight with the telephone people for an hour, trying to get them to change the installation date for our services. They wouldn't let me make the changes as my name wasn't on the account. Mel got that taken care of though. Now, all I need to do is call them and get them to change the address of where they're coming to install the new services. We didn't have the correct address when we set the appointment up.

As for the rest of the day, it was spent up at the new place trying to get it ready. We put the first coat of paint up in the writing room. I meant to take pictures to post, but I'll get them up tomorrow. It looks good, and it will look better after we get the second coat up. Then we can take the painter's tape off, and you can see how the white stands out against the blue. It's going to look awesome.

On a similar note, I also kind of find myself in freak out mode, even though I know that I shouldn't be freaking out. We're supposed to be out of our current rental property by the 14th, and I wanted to get moved out by the 5th. It's not going to happen. Anyway, I've been upset, and generating this all by myself, because we haven't been able to get to move our stuff from one property to the other. And, that is the reason I took this week off, so that I would have time, and energy, to get stuff moved and the old trailer cleaned up as best we can.

So, yeah, I worked myself up into a tizzy, and now my headaches in ways it shouldn't (part of that might be the paint fumes though). And, I know everybody else is right not to worry. It's only going to take a couple of days to get our stuff moved over, and then maybe a good day or so to get the old property cleaned up. So, yes, I need to chill. I just find it hard to do.

I feel bad. Not because of the freak out or anything like that. I feel bad because I haven't been keeping up with my Things To Do list. I haven't been taking my walk, and I've been slacking in the hygiene department (gross I know). Really the only thing I've kept up with is my blog. And, that might be because it's kind of cathartic, a good sort of daily purge, in trying to keep my sanity. What little of it might be left.

And, I've been slacking off on my hubpages stuff as well. I've wanted to be able to do one a day, but I've done one and a quarter since Saturday. I know it's because I've had other things to do, and I can rationalize it like that, but there's this nagging little voice inside my head going on and on about it. "You're wasting time." "How are you ever going to make this a day job?" "No Hub, no money." Not exactly thoughts that well defined, but pretty damn close. And, there's another one too, one that goes on even when I'm getting the Hub's done, like last week. "When are you going to do some creative writing?" "You still have to finish Cold Lunch." "What about that short story you were going to submit?" "Or the one you haven't finished writing? The one about the gnome." "And, those two novellas you were going to do for HubPages, where are they?" "And, your DnD adventure. You're putting a group together, so don't you need to have something for them to do when they're ready to play?" (That one is really that well defined.) And, it goes on and on, forever and ever, and I don't know how to shut it up. If I do creative writing, something else suffers. The painting doesn't get done. Or the Hubs don't get done. Or I don't get enough sleep. These negative little voices are chitter chattering all the time, and I don't know how to please them. It's no wonder I'm in freak out mode. I can't get any peace! Lol.

Yeah, I don't know. I think I'm just going to go to sleep for now, and try to figure out something to do with those problems later.

Yes, sleep is a good idea.

Talk to you kids later.

Ryan

Journal 7-2-13

I really need to start writing these before I go to bed.

Anyway, there weren't very many adventures yesterday, mainly just trying to get it so that we could start moving in. There is space, but since there was a storm yesterday evening I didn't really feel like moving things up to the house. Today, however, Cat Mountain will be moved, and maybe I'll start to calm down about getting everything done.

I feel like I'm not making any progress, because I can't see the progress. I can't see the movement of our things from this place to the next. Everything, except for one chair, is in the same place it was when we turned in our thirty day notice. And, like I said, that will change today.

Other than that, there's not much else to report. I've done one Hub this week. A review of Under The Dome Episode Two and that's pretty much all the writing I've done.

I've poked at my journal some, and I've thought of a couple of interesting characters, as well as attempting a few new ways of taking down ideas, and trying to keep them in order. I just started using it yesterday, though, so I'm not sure how well it's going to work.

Anywho, I really can't think of much else to say, so I'll talk to ya later.

Ryan

Journal 7-1-13

Today was kind of a freak out day for me.

Why?

I don't know, to an extent. I know that I'm stressed because it feels like I'm running on two deadlines. The first is the countdown to the fourteenth. 13 days. That's when we have to be out of this place, and there will be no take backs this time.

The second is a countdown to Sunday. Why? That's when I go back to work. And, as such, it's when I lose the most time I have available. I'll have to work on top of moving, on top of being exhausted, plus whatever handyman stuff remains to be done at the time.

Drywall needs to be hung in the back bedroom. (YouTube here I come).

The floor needs to be finished in the back bedroom.

The writing room needs to be painted.

The floor has to be put in the writing room.

The new wall paneling has to be put up in the living room.

The master bedroom has to be cleaned out.

The master bedroom closet needs to be cleaned out.

The floor needs to be laid in the master bedroom.

And, I could go on for a while longer. It's a mess, or rather it feels like one to me. Maybe I am just freaking out, and everything will be ok. 

Alright, I'm going to sleep now. Before I get a wild hair up my ass.

Ciao.

Ryan