Skinwalker

Not to be confused with the movie Skinwalkers. That was a fairly shitty movie about werewolf like vampires or something like that. But, like I implied, that’s totally not the point of this post.

A skinwalker in Native American folklore (this is me speaking without referring to Google, so I could be wrong) is a sort of shaman or holy man that has the ability, through a ritual, to assume the shape of a wild animal and move about as that animal. I’m not sure on any of the particulars. I don’t know if it’s a metaphorical transformation that takes place during a spirit quest with lots of peyote dumped on the fire. I don’t know if it talks about a literal transformation, as it would be in the case of werewolves. I don’t know if it’s a spiritual transformation where the skinwalkers spirit takes the form of an animal and walks across the astral plane for one reason or another.

I don’t know.

I could Google it, but I’m almost positive I’d find evidence relating to all three of the examples, and each one would be as valid as the last. (Depending on the sources of course.)

So, I’m going to take a step away from the folklore and look at something I do know a pretty good deal about; Dungeons and Dragons.

Skinwalkers bring to mind two core classes that relate directly to the skinwalkers ability to shape shift. First is the druid, which as far as I know is the official “skinwalker” class. Why? The druid has the ability to take on what’s called a wild shape, meaning it can transform into an animal of its choosing and use that animal’s body however it sees fit.

The other class that comes to mind is the shaman. Like the druid the shaman is able to assume the form of its guiding spirit, which is generally an animal but not always.

I personally feel that the shaman is the more likely of the two classes to become a skinwalker.

And, I totally lost where I was going with this post as it was supposed to have been written three or four days ago. I don’t know. So, I suppose what I’m going to do now is move on to the end of the post.

Guess what happens there.

Ryan

4-3-14—4-6-14

To Crochet

Yes, Minnie is going to pick up a new hobbie that has absolutely nothing to do with healing the other party members, or tending to Jacob. Her first project is to make an axe cozy to keep Axe’s axe blade nice and warm… and yeah, that’s not going to happen. I felt the need to get the game reference out of the blog post early. Other than that, I don’t expect this topic will touch on the game at all. And, instead of me asking Cupcake for a topic I came up with one all by myself.

dreamstime.com

To crochet, the act of crocheting, using a hook like needle to fold threads of yarn (or any string like material) into a desirable pattern to make a useful garment. Or something along those lines. I don’t know what the text book definition of crochet is, and it would be atypical of me to actually go and look it up. I rather enjoy winging it, and hoping everything comes out ok on the other side.

I’m not even sure, really, whether this post is going to be about crocheting. It just seemed like a good place to start as I was crocheting when I thought of it. And, crocheting is a really, kind of, fascinating craft. You can do a great many practical things with it, blankets, scarves, sweaters, hats, socks, hell you could probably crochet a pair of pants if you really wanted too, but sometimes the end result doesn’t matter.

Let’s look at it as if it were a journey. The destination isn’t the only important thing about the journey. I mean, hell, life is a journey and its destination is death. It’s what comes between those two points that really matters. The memories, the triumphs, and failures, all of that is one brick in the road our journey takes us along.

Now, how is crocheting like that? Isn’t crocheting a pretty mindless repetitive task? In a way, I guess it is, but breathing is also a mindless repetitive task. Buddhist monks use breathing, specifically control of their breathing, to enter into a meditative state, one where the physical does not matter and the mental is all that’s left. Crocheting, for me anyway, does the same thing. The simple act of concentrating on those mindless repetitive motions allows my mind to soar free of its mental confines and stressors. I’m free when I’m working that little hook back and forth, free in even a way that writing can’t replicate.

I think I’m starting to stumble over my words.

I feel bigger, and more at peace with the world around me when I crochet. Working the threads is sort of like being the hand of fate, creating all the twists and turns a person’s life is going to go through. Maybe it gives me a sense of control over my own life.

Maybe.

And, even in the places where I feel like I have the most control over my life, things get chaotic and out of hand. I imagine it’s a knot the hand of fate has run into, and he’s having to work the yarn a little harder to get it exactly the way he wants it.

This is where I’m going to stop, too. I don’t think I’d be happy if I kept on writing. It was taking a depressing turn. SO, to cheer myself back up, I’m going to go watch My Little Pony and crochet a bit more. Maybe figure out what it is I’m actually working on.

http://doctorxfizzle.deviantart.com/

Ryan

2-20-14

Days and Days

Today’s been one of those days that’s been both good and bad.

We got the insurance money in yesterday, and I put it in the account today, though due to bank procedures they’ve got a two day hold on it. A two day business hold on it. I’m not going to have access to it until Wednesday. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It keeps me from spending it that much faster, and it gives us time to look at where we need to spend it. The down payment on the Focus is the major thing, then there’s the insurance and other bills. Yesterday I had a spell of depression, because I realized I wouldn’t get to spend it on the things I wanted too.

I feel stupid for that crap today. I’m an adult now and I need to act like one. There’s a difference between wants and needs. And, I can’t help it that I need a terabyte hard drive for my computer. And, I can’t help it that I need a sound card for my computer… And, yeah, you’re not buying this are you? Great. Nobody’s on my side. Lol.

Yes, I am joking. I’ve been told people can’t tell before… so, I’m not sure if I can get that across in my writing or not.

Now, I’m feeling self conscious.

Too move on, we’ll talk about the bad part of the day.

First, I had to work… that’s always a bad thing. Lol.

And, today makes one month since my good friend Bob Shreve passed from this world and into the next. I would have a moment of silence, but seeing as this is a text medium, I don’t think the point would go across very well. So, instead I will wish him a peaceful rest and tell him that he is very missed. Very missed.

Bob was an inspiration to me though. He taught me about play testing for Dungeons and Dragons. I don’t mean what editors and writers of the game call the first few run through(s) with different test players, audience, focus groups, I don’t know what word to use here. The play testing he taught me about was a number crunching game; the DM running the PCs stats against the monsters stats to determine the most likely outcome of the encounter.

It’s a wonderful tool.

 But, I’ll tell you what… I’m too lazy to do that. Lol. I’d rather have a computer program do it for me.

I looked for a program like that, but I didn’t find one. And, I made a decision then. I’m going to learn how to code, and I’m going to write a program that does exactly what I just said. Then I’m going to make it a smartphone app, and I’m going to sell it. And, two-thirds of every cent that app makes is going to go to Bob Shreve’s family and to his church. He can’t be there to support them, so I’m going to try and help out, even if it’s just that tiny amount. I’m going to try to help.

Now, I just need to learn how to code.

That will probably be easier to do when I don’t have tears running down my cheeks.

So, yeah…

I’m going to go now…

Ryan

Puppies

This post will probably not mention puppies at all, so… we’ll leave it at that.

What today’s post is going to be about is my ability to be a douche bag (pardon the language). I’ve had a semi-crappy semi-not-crappy semi-cranky day. It’s been weird. I really don’t know what to say abou tit.

I had to work today, that much I can tell you, and working interfered with me walking earlier in the day. I did do my walk at Walmart when I got out of work, but I think that set me off kilter to start with. It’s insane, but in those two days I got used to doing my walk when I woke up, took Erik to work, and what not, then going on with the rest of my day. And, just having to work today threw me off. I really gotta get my shit straight.

So, the walk was late, The Goal That Shall Not Be Named was later, and once again, I’m sitting here at 10:30 pm trying to get a blog post written. I’m still not sure what the post’s topic ought to be.

I could actually write about puppies… now that I’m done whining about how life didn’t work out the way I wanted it too. And, the real good answer to that, the one I need to hear is boo hoo, get used to it. If you want to make something of yourself in life, or try to change something about your life, sitting around and complaining about it isn’t going to get anything done.

My wife and I had a long talk about that, and I came to the same conclusion I’ve always come too. I need to change, I need to put forward the effort required to turn my life around. And, I need to follow through with it. Making plans have always been easy for me, it’s the follow through that kills me.

And, still, there isn’t any actual mention of puppies.

I liked the result I got when I started posting my walk stats and what not on Facebook. I’ve been a little dismayed that those are becoming fewer and fewer, but I’m the only person who can change that. What I’m trying to get at though, is being held publicly accountable for my actions. I liked that. And, I liked the overwhelmingly positive response I got from it right there in the beginning.

There might be a correlation between that tapering off and the number of days I go between posting stats. Maybe. Or maybe Facebook is a bitch. Either way…

Puppies are awesome!

What I’m going to try to do is shoulder a little bit heavier of a load than I have been. Mel’s had to carry too much of the weight for far too long. I need to get serious.

I’ve been looking at doing freelance writing work, and looking at revenue sharing websites (you’ve noticed the ads I believe) and I need to get serious if I’m going to turn this into a form of income.

First, I need to learn SEO (Search Engine Optimization is what that stands for… I believe) and I need to learn some tricks about getting more traffic to my pages. I’ll google how to do that tomorrow, I’m about to doze off right now. And, there’s a lot more I need to look into learning, but we’ll start with SEO and traffic tips first.

G’nite kids.

Ryan

Jounral 7-10-13

Excitement!!!

Not really, lol. Things didn't go quite the way I expected, and we won't be spending our first night in the new homestead. I did have a revelation though.

I don't take to change well, and this whole situation has been so extremely stressful for me that cupcake says I'm not even acting like I normally do. I can believe that. So, last night, I was sitting in my new writing room, looking at the walls I painted, and I started to imagine where my things were going to be. The way I was going to orient the desk. And, the futon, and the TV (when I have the money to put one in there), the entertainment stand for said TV and my recliner, and book case, and through all of that I realized it had clicked. I was looking at this place, this new wonderful place as if it was home, and I cried.

I didn't cry because I was sad. I cried because I saw the opportunity we've been given. The opportunity to better ourselves, and to live up to the standards this place is going to demand. We will be better people for going through this move, and adjusting to this new life. And, maybe, for those of us who're depressed all the time, it might let in a little ray of Hope. The one that Pandora didn't let out of the box. Maybe that ray of Hope will bring us this new home, and the ability to enjoy it. I know I want to enjoy living there.

Anyway, enough of the semi profound mumbo jumbo. That's what it sounds like to me.

As for the daily report. We moved the washer and dryer. We learned that the dryer power outlet was fried, and that it took our power cord with it. We're going to replace the power cord instead of getting a new washer and dryer. I wanted to get a new set. We also moved the two big dressers in the bedroom, leaving only the chest of drawers and the bed to move (there's also a night stand I keep forgetting about) and the bedroom will be moved. I've been meaning to move the stuff out of the old writing room for the last four days now, but I keep forgetting. Couldn't tell you why, it just flies right out of my head when I'm thinking of the need to do list.

And, when it comes to writing... you're looking at the only thing I wrote today. It's killing me. I need to get my pen back on paper and get to scribbling. At this point I don't care if it's a Hub or a short story or a novel I just need to write something before I go insane. (Probably another reason why my stress levels have been so high.) But, things will improve. I'll get to set my new writing room up in the next week or so, and then I can bend over the desk and get to work. Maybe not even taking the time to look up as I power through whatever project comes to mind first.

Now, I'm going to go to bed. I have to be at "the most wonderful place on Earth" at five am. I hate you McDonalds. Lol.

Ryan

Journal 7-8-13

Forgot to post.

Yes, ladies and germs, I forgot to post yesterday. I even meant to get on the computer and tell you I forgot to post because I had forgot to post until after work. Anyway, that post didn't happen, so we'll just cram two days into one post.

On Sunday an interesting little thing happened. I got off work an hour early, and  Erik was supposed to come and pick me up. Well, I tried to call him as soon as I heard I was getting off at two instead of three (learned that at one). There was no answer. I asked around, well I really only had to ask one person. Shasta, the most awesome McDonalds manager in the world, lol. And, she said she'd take me home. So, I called again, this is about ten minutes before I got to walk out the door. There was still no answer.

So, Shasta's ready to go, and I hope that we'll beat Erik to the house. Hoping that he doesn't leave before we get to the house. And, the entire ride down 119 down 65 I kept watching for my car. I even had Shasta pull over once, and chase another car because I thought it was mine. It wasn't. So, we went on to my house, and my car was still in its parking spot, and I was relieved. I told Shasta I would invite her in, but the place is a mess and we parted ways there.

I also remember telling her I was going to f*** with my Erik.

When I went into the house, Erik was still zonked out on the sofa (understandable considering the time he spent conscious the weekend before). I expected his alarm to go off, and him to jump to attention and be like Oh Sh*t, I forgot Ryan. Then I would get to look at him and laugh as he stared at me. It didn't happen.

Three rolled around, when I was supposed to get off work, and Erik still hadn't woken up. So, I started to try and wake him up. Telling him he was forgetting me. And, telling him that I got off at three and I was going to be pissed. That went on for all of five minutes. He still didn't budge.

So, I went on with the rest of my day. I wanted to strangle the contractor. I worked on cleaning the living room a little more, and when cupcake showed up we went back over to the rental property and I valiantly managed to keep from strangling the contractor in front of my cupcake. (I don't like the contractor if you can't tell.) Then we went back to the house, and continued cleaning the living room. Erik still hadn't woken up.

We went out for dinner at Subway, and a necessities only shopping trip to Walmart. And, when we came back, Erik was still asleep. At that point, it was six hours past the time he was supposed to have woken up and come to pick me up.

I decided I was going to tell him I walked home.

But, after such an ordeal, I decided to take a shower. Erik woke up while I was in the shower, and Mel didn't play along. She just asked him if he forgot me, and told him Shasta brought me home. When I got out of the shower, I looked at Mel, and knew what she did. And, I was cranky, lol. We did get a laugh out of it though.

Today, with the exception of one thing, sucked.

I had to leave work early again, but this one wasn't because of labor. This time I was throwing up in the trash can in the back room and hardly able to breath. I'd been feeling sick for the last few days, I thought it was just a psychosomatic reaction to me being at work, me brain doesn't like me job. But, its never gotten so bad that I actually vomited. That proved to me that it wasn't all in my head.

So, I got sent home, and I immediately fell into two different pits of depression. One was the fear that I upset cupcake, and that got me crying. The other was the fear that I was going to be too sick to help in the move, and that got me crying. Then, just before we took Button to the vet, Mel found an article about these glass pyramids found at the very center of the Bermuda triangle. It's supposition that the pyramids are made out of a glass or crystalline building material. They believe these are to be the first official ruins of the Atlantean civilization.

That was validation for me! I had been saying for years that they should be looking in the Bermuda Triangle, particularly it's center for evidence of the lost civilization. And, now, I just wish I had the doctor who made the discovery's email address to let him know about a couple other structures I think are buried in that general area.

Anywho, sleep is kicking me in the a** and I'm going to give in. I'll post more later.

Ryan