Stephen King

First off, if there is a god of literature somewhere out in the cosmos his name is Stephen King, if that’s any indication of what I think of the man. Lol.

Yes, Stephen King is one of my top three favorite writers, and without a doubt he is the best, stylistically speaking, of the three. The stories he weaves with his web of words are above and beyond anything I’ve ever seen. I can only hope to be nearly as good as he is.

And, now, to get my nose out of his crack, I should try and find something new to say about the man.

He’s one of the most prolific authors of our time, publishing at least one book a year every year since Carrie was published in 1974. 1974 was the same year Dungeons and Dragons was first introduced to the world, and both D&D and Carrie are now forty years old. Well… technically, Carrie won’t hit the big four-o until April 5^th. Exactly one month away from the time of this writing.

At one point I had hoped and prayed that my writing career would mirror Stephen King’s. I had hoped to be published the year I turned 24 (King’s age when Carrie sold), and I’ve hoped to be published every year since then. I’ve not really done a lot of work in that direction though. I mean, I’ve got six novels written (first draft at least), but I’ve only got one to the point where I considered it finished. And, I stopped trying to sell that one some time ago.

That’s really my problem too. The reason that I haven’t succeeded thus far is because I haven’t tried. (That’s usually a good reason for not succeeding.) But, in all seriousness I gave it a half hearted attempt what feels like ages ago, and I’ve talked a big game since then. How I’m going to do this, and I’m going to do that, but I’ve put no effort behind it.

I think I’m scared.

I really do.

I think I’m afraid of putting myself out there and finding out that nobody likes it. And, worse, that people will say bad things about it.

I know that’s a damned stupid thing to be afraid of. Everybody has an opinion, and that opinion isn’t always going to agree with what I’m thinking. So, basically, being afraid of hearing other people’s opinions is kind of like not eating because you’re afraid of choking. I saw that on a meme somewhere. Jason David Frank’s facebook page I believe, but where I found it doesn’t matter. I should listen to it. I should stop being afraid of these things and move on with my life. At the rate I’m going I’ll never have the career I want.

So… yeah… That post didn’t go anywhere near where I thought it would go.

As for working Stephen King into my game I have a couple of options. I can use him as an NPC (lol). I could possibly work one of his monsters into an adventure maybe even having it be the primary antagonist (“We all float down here, Georgie. And, when you’re down here, you’ll float too!”). And, then there’s the simplest way to do it. I can use him as an inspiration to move both my life forward and take my Dungeons and Dragons game one or two steps down a much more terrifying flight of stairs.

Ryan

3-5-14

Clowns

I feel like I should be writing this post in multi colored ink. Sadly, it’s been a long time since I’ve had one of those gel multi colored pens. And… my brain stopped, dead in its tracks. It doesn’t want to discuss this topic. Clowns are the bane of mortal existence.

Like it’s really fighting it.

Why won’t the brightly colored costumes go away?

No more pom-pom buttons. No more. Please. I beg of you. I swear I’ll never watch Killer Klowns from Outer Space after dark again. I promise!

Yeah, brains still not feeling this.

It makes me upset. I usually have so much fun writing these, so I don’t know why my forehead is so thick right now. I really just want to go to bed. Yes, that would be very nice.

It’s still too early for bed, though. And, there are still several things on the “to do” list. I need to get them done before bed. Yes. Yes, I do.

Does it ever feel like you’re trying to convince yourself to do something? It feels that way for me, all the time. I always need to coax myself to actually get anything done. Like right now. Mentally, I’m fighting a war with myself, trying and trying to turn the wheels towards the topic Cupcake gave me.

Yes.

Cupcake gave me clowns as a subject. I hate her for this. Lol. Though, I did manage to pay her back… a little. I implied there might be a clown zombie drider (half drow half spider) thing named Pennywise appearing in the next few adventures. It would be just a little bit of everything my Cupcake hates and fears, and it would be glorious.

Lol.

And, now, I’m wondering what sort of stats would Pennywise (the supernatural antagonist in Stephen King’s It) have?

The way he’s described, Pennywise would be a sort of god-like character. Like Cthulhu from the Lovecraft stories, giving stats to that beast would be like taking God (the real God from the Jewish, Christian, and Islamic faiths) and giving him stats. How can you do it? Where do you start? Is there a beginning to his power? An end?

I’ve made gods before (in regards to a Dungeons & Dragons pantheon for my game), and some of them are so powerful they could peel the universe apart like an orange, but that’s a whole different level of being. There’s no way to get it on paper.

And, I got all this from the topic of clowns. And, I thought the most interesting thing I’d mention would be the zombie clown from Zombieland.

Or, maybe the Joker.

And, for shits and giggles I’ll mention Killer Klowns from Outer Space again.

But, the point of the whole thing is simple. Clowns are terrifying…

That is all.

-HONK-

Ryan

2-3-14

Yarn

So, earlier today, I sat down to write my blog post. It was a post about yarn. Well, it was supposed to be a post about yarn. What it turned into is not something I want to go through again. So, we’ll go back to the original topic.

Yarn. What is it?

Google defines Yarn in two ways. First it says that yarn is a spun thread that is used in knitting, weaving, or sewing. And, second it describes yarn as a long or rambling implausible story. I agree with both statements.

In a way, I’ve been obsessed with yarn for the last few years. While I was still in college, (taking weaving classes at the time, I believe) I came up with the idea of working with yarn professionally. Basically running my own little internet store, where people could come and commission different types of yarn based products (so long as they didn’t involve knitting) and I would satisfy that commission to the best of my ability. I’m actually rather good at crocheting, and I can weave some… though it’s been a long time. And, it’s still something I think about doing.

Just a fun little on the side business where I make blue and black scarves for Mingo Central’s football games for just a tiny bit of profit. Or do a series of blankets/afghans/something big and sell them on ebay or what not. But, I’ve never done that. I think it’s because I’m not that dedicated to the idea of the yarn business. It’s just not something I see putting my whole life into.

But, in a way it is.

I want to write stories for a living. I want to look into my dreams and show the people the magic that hides right behind the clouds on the bright sunshiny day. I want to show them the terror in the bent broken tree with its shadow crawling across the courtyard… getting ever closer to your shoe… I wonder what would happen… (I just got chills. lol) And, now I want to keep going with that idea. Lol.

I want to write yarns. I want my stories, as improbable as they might be, I want to see them spread far and wide. I do want to dedicate my life to yarn. And, I guess today is as good a day as any to do it.

For the last 8 years my New Year’s Resolution has been the same thing. I want to get a book published. I want to get a book published. I want to get a book published. I’m going to stop wanting this year. I’m going to stop failing at that one little resolution. I’m going to be a published author by the end of 2014 if it kills me. I might not be making my money living off of what I write, but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to supplement my income in just that fashion.

And, this still isn’t the fun, lighthearted post I wanted it to be. It’s serious, and it’s one of those breaking point moments. They’ve come this far and no farther, and all that hubbub. (I think that’s from Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers… it might also be 300… not sure which.) The point I’m trying to make though, is that I am admitting I have a problem. I am not a published author. I want to be a published author. And, today is the day where I finally dedicate myself towards pushing for that goal. Today I shall stand in front of the great beast and cry YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!

I hope some of Mel’s students are reading this. Because that’s exactly what she says about you :P Lol. Just kidding. She loves ya just as much as she loves me… and that’s saying something because I go out of my way to annoy the crap out of her.

My brain got lost somewhere in there. But, yes. This is a public declaration of my goals. My goal for the year of 2014, become a published author. I would like to say that’s my goal for the next three months, but I think it’s going to take a wee bit longer than that to get my book ready to go. So, I’ll start work on it as soon as I get off work tomorrow, and you’ll get a daily update of when it’s going to be ready. J

And… now I have to remind you that I’m also writing a D&D adventure, and that might take some precedence, since the group expects me to have new stuff for them to do every week. But, I will dedicate some of my time to my novel. I promise.

On that note, I’m going to say anywho, because I don’t think I used it anywhere else in the post, and I’m going to let you all go for the day.

Later kids.

Ryan

1-25-14

Journal 6-22-13

New Stuff.

What new stuff I don't know. It really just seemed like a good thing to say. But, I will admit that my lack of posting isn't new, unfortunately. Nope. That's good old fashioned normal Ryan, I'm afraid.

Anyway, I'll move on to a different topic so that I can avoid getting beaten.

(Cowers behind chair, hiding from the wrath of Melanie. lol)

Yeah, I'm actually kind of hyper right now. Which is kind of bad. It's 1:26am and I need to lay down. I need to sleep. But, I don't want to. Tomorrow is my day off, and I want to spend it languishing in bed, not having to worry about anything. Except for the fact that, that plan wouldn't work. Nope, I'd have to get up at some point. We've got another room or two to clean in the spree, some more packing to do, and more praying that our new place is going to be ready by the 14th. As usual, Mel's optimistic about it, and I'm being rather cynical.

Beyond that though, I've gotten nothing done. Lol.

Not really though. I've just been focusing on different things. I'm trying to turn blogging, or something similar into a full time gig, and right now, I'm working on building my "portfolio" on HubPages (I've got more links that I need to add to my page), and so far I've done three more Hubs than what I had done already. Lol.

Yeah, it's not going very fast.

I have learned, however, that I'm not one of those people who can sit down and write an article in thirty minutes. For one, I don't think that's enough time, mainly because I don't write that fast. And, my style of writing has a tendency to run on the long side. Like I'm just a long winded writer.

I dunno.

I don't know what to post here half the time though. It's hard to sit down, and find something to talk about. Stories, god, stories are so easy to write, after a fashion. They flow so well some times, running like water out of a faucet. Other times its like wringing out a rock. And, that's what it's like to write these articles on HubPages. Wringing out a rock. I like writing, and I don't mind writing reviews, but it's not something I want to turn into a living.

But, so far, my review articles have brought the most views to my pages and what not. So, I'm going to go ahead with the things that seem to make more money. Which means writing more reviews. Writing more reviews, and pushing towards a high number of review articles, around a hundred or so I'd say, then try to focus on other more fun things to write about. Or rewrite those reviews and post similar articles on some of the other revenue sharing sites. I could even enable adds on here, but I don't know what that would turn out like. I don't know what would be advertised. And, I don't know if I want adds here. It seems like inviting the boss over for dinner, and then showing him your piles of dirty laundry.

This is kind of a space where I unwind. I'm not so sure I want to try and turn it into a revenue generating site. That would probably mean having to do things I don't want to do. And, this is the place where I do what I want. I don't know.

We'll see what's down the road, and if there's anywhere down there that makes a little bit of money.

God, I feel like a Hack.

And, with that, I bid you good night.

Ryan

Typing project In the Beginning #4

Dilemma

So, I’ve got a problem.

I have a story coming out in the critters.org queue tomorrow, and I’m fighting with myself about whether I should let it go out.

To be upfront about the problem it’s a story called Widowmaker: Shadows of Insanity, and to be blunt it’s about child abuse, the mental problems that causes, and the lengths that the instability created by the abuse can push a child’s mind too.

A little boy is visited by the “shadow man” and forced to relive the moments in which his father was most abusive, including sexual abuse. The “shadow man” convinces the little boy to take his father’s gun, and kill the abusive parent. The ending to the story is left open. But, the prospects for the little boy are grim.

The whole damn story is grim and gruesome, and I’m afraid that it will upset people in light of current events.

So it comes down to two questions:

Do I play the part of the artist, and let the story go out, saying damn the consequences and hope people accept the story for what it is, a work of fiction?

Or do I pull it out, and feel like a coward down the road, afraid to show my work because it might not be PC?

Neither option looks good as it’s going to leave me feeling like shit in the end. Upset that I upset people, or upset that I didn’t have the balls to go through with it. It’s like something I was talking to my wife about the other day. 

She asked me if I was 100 percent certain I wanted to do something. 

I told her I was 99.95 percent certain. 

What’s the 0.05 percent? She asked. 

Room for me to go, ‘why in God’s name did I do that?’  

And, that’s where I’m at right now. Stuck between the do I, don’t I, and how much am I going to regret that decision.

I really don’t know what to do here.

Ryan