First Novels: Raising Kain

I've said this with other posts, but yes, this is the third time I've sat down to work on this post. I have a valid reason though. I didn't like the way the first one started, and I started the second about five minutes before the end of my break. Had I realized that at the time, I wouldn't have started it then.

Either way, we have this post going now, so I'll just keep on writing.

The reason I didn't like what I had first written is because I was trying to pass off wise and sage advice. Then I looked at it, and knew I shouldn't be giving such advice. It's not that I don't have experience in the situation I'm bringing up. I just don't feel that I've matured enough from that experience to really be able to see it from all angles.

So, all I can really do is tell you about my experience with “first novels”.

I started writing Raising Kain after I read the how-to book Writing the Novel: From Plot to Print. (It's a very good how-to book, and is something I would suggest any writer, new to the craft or not, pick up.) Also, the name of the author is Lawrence Block. What helped me get started on my novel wasn't really what inspired the novel. It was more of a connection I felt with the writer. The way he was talking about his writing experiences the more I felt like I could see myself in that role, experiencing the things he experienced. Then he talked about his early writing habits.

Lawrence Block wrote soft core sex novels for the first few years of his career. He would write two of these a month. He'd do twenty pages a day Monday through Friday, not write anything on the weekends, then finish the book the next work week.

I don't know what possessed me, but I thought “Yeah! I can do this!” (I would also like to note that my first novel was not a soft core sex book.) So, I sat down, on a Monday I think, with a small idea about a boy who becomes the greatest hero in Atlantis, and I knocked out twenty pages. Tuesday (day two or whatever, I don't remember the days of the week) I knocked out another twenty pages. (If you're wondering, twenty pages equals some 6,000 words, not a number to be laughed at.) Both days I walked away from the computer exhausted and broken. It took almost every hour I was awake to write that much.

After that, I didn't touch the book for a week.

I was burnt out on it. I didn't think about it. I didn't want to think about it. All I wanted to do was shut it out of my mind. It wouldn't go away, thankfully.

That next Monday (using that day because Monday is a good day to start things, I guess) and I wrote more on the story. I didn't write twenty pages. I think I wrote five, and instead of walking away from the book like I'd gone eight rounds with Mike Tyson, I walked away feeling good. I felt accomplished, and that's the way it went for the rest of the book. I wrote a little each day, and inch my inch the novel got done.

I loved that novel.

I still love that novel.

And, I found out not too long after I finished writing it that it wasn't even really a novel. It tapped out at forty-eight thousand words, and your average novel starts at sixty-thousand words or so. Yeah, I was kind of crushed.

I still consider it my first novel though. And, I still fondly remember writing it. The only thing that makes me really sad is that I need to keep it hidden in a chest for fear that someone might read it. Lol. Not because I don't think it's good, I absolutely love the story, it's because of the way my writing style has evolved. Raising Kain very much looks like it was written by a child coming out of the sixth grade.

Now, I've ran my mouth on for far longer than I expected too. So, I'm going to shut up, and maybe continue to tell the tales of my first novels.

Ryan

5-8-14

Hydra

Hail Hydra!!

“Whenever you cut one head off, two will grow in it's place.”

Yeah, I've got Marvel on the mind right now, and Hydra is the opposing force to the S.H.I.E.L.D. agency in the Marvel universe. Certain entertaining things have happened to that organization in the recent movies that won't be mentioned here, but I find them entertaining. And, I haven't even seen said movies.

I should.

Meh, maybe later.

Anywho, a Hydra is a sort of giant lizard from Greek mythology. They have multiple heads, usually three at the very least, and when one of those heads is hacked off two more will grow in its lace. Hence the quote above. There are really only two ways to kill a Hydra. You can cut off the heads and apply an intense flame to the stump to cauterize the wound and prevent regeneration. Then you can also crush the Hydra, and I believe Hercules beat the Hydra by doing just that. He dropped a mountain on the monster (at least he did in the Disney movie), and powdered every bone in its body.

There have been other depictions of the Hydra as well. They're often presented as villainous creatures in fantasy literature and role playing games. In those depictions they're often closely related to dragons. Some Hydra can breath fire, while others exhale ice, but mostly I believe they just bite things.

“Get up on the Hydra's back!” or so says Phil (Philoctetes, Hercules's personal trainer in the Disney movie) during his little role in Kingdom Hearts II and I would vote him the most irritating characters in the game.

Why?

He repeats that damn quote about five thousand times during the fight with the Hydra. It's enough to drive a person insane. Extremely insane. Like hear it in your sleep insane.

And, now I feel as though I've run out of things to say. I could probably roll back over to the D&D thing and discuss how I could integrate the Hydra into my game. But, right now I've not done a lot of work which happens to be about zombies and vampires and takes place in modern day and is thus pretty far away from Greek mythology and the Hydra.

So, I'm out peeps!

Ryan

4-26-14

Pixies-Damien

I really wish I knew how to draw... This looks nothing like Damien.
http://wolverine041269.deviantart.com/

Or to be more accurate I should say Damien, since I’m dedicating this post to my miniature titan of terror.

Damien Trollbringer is the name he gave himself when he decided the run of the mill pixie shit wasn’t for him. Sure, he enjoyed causing chaos, and he enjoyed causing it even more due to his demonic heritage. It was a miracle he even survived his birth. The younger pixies, in spite of the elders’ decision, wanted to destroy him. The elders protected him though, using powerful illusions cast on both the other pixies and on him. Even now, Damien maintains the ability to switch from pleasant looking pixie to his true half demon form.

Now, the chaos he causes is much more of the evil variety. Most of the time he won’t fool with little pranks, believing them to be childish and beneath him, but when he does he’ll set powerful spells, such as a planar gate (opened to a random lower plane) placed directly behind a door. Or he’ll scatter a box of fireball beads along a forest trail, then wait and watch for some poor fool to step on one.

Then there are the rage filled moments where Damien will fly into a village and just start killing. He’ll burn the whole town to the ground in one night. Maybe he’ll take two, and find a way to make the townsfolk kill one another.

Damien does run into problems though. Not goodly aligned player characters or NPCs that want his head. Nope, luck is his problem. That planar gate saw to the end of an evil wizard’s reign. The fireball beads were stepped on by bandits who were attacking a passing caravan. And, the villages he’s burned down and slaughtered everybody in town. Well… One was a cultist cabal and each soul in the town was tarnished by murder and sacrifice to a dark god. The other was a lawless village and haven for the malign.

These are facts that bother him to no end.

Damien has been touched by Locestra, chaotic goddess of luck and chance. This touch twists Damien’s actions. When he tries to cause evil and act as he feels a villain should act, his intentions turn into positive results. This infuriates him to no end and he’s pledged to kill Locestra because of it.

He has had projects that were successful beyond his wildest dreams, as well.

1     Tiny- Tiny is a half-ogre half-giant (uses the half giant race from Expanded Psionics Handbook) that Damien modified. He accelerated Tiny’s growth from infancy to adulthood and poured ever ounce of power possible into making Tine the strongest beast he’d ever seen (uses the paragon addition to his strength and charisma scores) but this caused extremely unsatisfactory results with Tiny’s intellect (Int 3, Wis 8, Cha 4). So, Damien created The Monocle, a semi-artifact that increases Tiny’s intellectual scores by two-thirds the paragon addition (+10 to each). This gives Tiny a true split personality, and the ability to just Hulk out.

           Revenire- Revenire, which means troll in Romanian, is considered the Troll King, and the very reason Damien uses the surname Trollbringer. Revenire is a troll Damien experimented on after Tiny escaped, and instead of focusing on the troll’s strength, he focused on its intellect. A troll knows nothing about combat tactics or military maneuvers, they’re lucky if they can speak. Damien knew a real threat in a troll was a smart troll. So, he reversed what he did with Tiny. He made Revenire brilliant, taught him the intricacies of magic. He taught military tactics to him, and everything he could think of. Damien literally made Revenire the most brilliant mind on the face of the planet. But, Damien didn’t put in a control switch. There was a great battle between the two, Damien versus Revenire, survival versus freedom, and magic was the weapon of choice. The two of them expended their most powerful spells and destroyed the tower Damien had built deep in the swamp. Damien woke up, days after the battle, but when he searched the towers remains he found no evidence of Revenire. He assumed Revenire died in the explosion.

Damien was touched by Locestra, the chaotic goddess of luck and chance, who finds Damien’s actions and the results of them entertaining. So, what’s the likelihood that Damien achieved something truly evil in the creation of Revenire? And, what’s the likelihood of Revenire walking away from that battle? Who knows? Sometimes, a mystery is the best type of chaos.

Ryan

3-8-14

Frankenstein

Is a novel by Mary Shelley, and it is one of the first intentional works of both science fiction and horror. Though, I believe it was categorized as a romance back when it was written. This categorization isn’t because the novel is a Harlequin bodice ripper, but because it was a work of fiction. Basically, you had two types (or genres) of novels, those that were based on actual factual events, such as travel logs or biographies, and those that were not (Frankenstein). Though, even Frankenstein has some basis in reality.

During the time the novel was written there was a natural philosopher (physical scientist) by the name of Giovanni Aldini. Aldini experimented with electricity and the human body to try and animate dead flesh by running an electrical current through it. These attempts succeeded to an extent. Running an electrical current through a corpse will cause the muscles to spasm and jerk, but there was no restoration of life (and not a single mention of a zombie). And, while the method of animation was not described in the book, it is implied that electricity was involved in the experiment. This also runs along the same lines as the multiple plays and movies based off the novel where the experiment itself occurs during an electrical storm and Dr. Frankenstein uses a lightning rod to harness the power of a bolt of lightning.

The novel could also have multiple inspirations coming straight from mythology. In a way it mirrors two of these tales. One being the story of Pygmalion and his statue named Galatea who was brought to life by Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love and lust. Then there’s the tale of the golem in Jewish folklore, where clay, stone, or mud are shaped into a humanoid form and a piece of paper with the Hebrew word “shem” (one of the names of God) and was inserted in to the mouth or forehead of the golem. This act animated the golem, but did not give life, as God is the only one with the power to give life to the unliving.

As for working Frankenstein into a Dungeons & Dragons game, there is little more to it than opening the Monster Manual, Frankenstein’s monster, the flesh golem, was one of the original monsters included in the game, albeit the Dungeons and Dragons flesh golem lacks the intelligence Frankenstein’s monster developed over the course of the novel. The flesh golem is much more like the monster shown in the many movies and plays that have been based on the novel.

To get an actual representation of the monster (its name is not Frankenstein, just saying) you would need to craft the flesh golem (meaning you’re probably a necromancer, it’s not a requirement, but a likely path considering the nature of the construction materials), then once the monster is animated use a spell called Awaken.

Awaken is a spell that “awakens” an animal, plant, or construct by giving it an intelligence score higher than three. And, in the case of the plant, it generates an intelligence score, a wisdom score, and a charisma score. Animals have intelligence scores, usually below three, which makes them unsuitable as player characters, but with awaken they’re intelligence score is increased above three (the base minimum for intelligence) changing its type from animal to magical beast, animals also come with a wisdom and a charisma score. Constructs lack intelligence, completely, their intelligence score in a statistics block actually reads Int—. Awakening them generates an intelligence score (3d6), and it gives them the living construct subtype.

So, now I’ve got things set up for a particularly nasty villain, or a potential player character. But, that’s not really the way I plan on using it right now. No, the closest I’m getting to putting a flesh golem in the game (for right now) is a short story I’ve been working on. It’s called Respect for the Dead and the protagonist, Phelix Goldleaf, is fighting against one. Even more so than the undead he’s also fighting against, Phelix feels that the flesh golem is the most obscene thing done with the corpses of the dead. Mainly because it inflicts such disrespect on the former bodies turned into construction materials. And, if I talk about it too much more I’ll give away what happens in the story and then nobody would want to read it.

So, on that note, I shall talk to you all later.

Ryan

3-3-14/3-4-14

Mermaids

Ah, mermaids, a topic I’m less than interested in. Lol. And, one that always makes me think of Disney’s The Little Mermaid. It’s a tale as old as time… wait… that’s Beauty and the Beast. Anyway, The Little Mermaid is about a girl falling in love upon her first glance of a gorgeous guy (requisite eye roll), and how she goes head over fin to change herself to make previously mentioned gorgeous guy to fall in love with her.

Gag.

Yeah, part of me is kidding about all of that, and part of me is being straight up honest. Which part do you think it is?

And, on the topic of mermaids, this little gem seems to have been floating around the internet. How many of you are excited to see it?!?

Well, I’m bursting your bubble. It’s bunk. This is the work of a photoshop artist named Thomas Kurinawan, and he’s gone about transforming many celebrities into Disney princesses. Some of these photoshop works are well done, some of them aren’t, and I’m not much of a judge because I don’t know a lot about photoshop. But, I also know what I think looks good, and about half of that looks… I’ll not throw stones. Lol.

And, now I suppose I should try and find a way to work mermaids into my game, but I’m not really sure I want to. Lol.

Mermaids would be easy to fit into the game though. The current setting, a pirate port in the Underhaven by the name of Netheretia, is situated on the coast of an underground sea that meets with the actual ocean through a number of naturally occurring portals. So, I could easily see to it that there’s a colony of merfold settled in Netheretia’s bay or just outside of one of the natural portals.

I might even be able to work that into the overall campaign. The main beastie (the same one I talked about in my Dreams post) comes from the depths of the ocean, much deeper than any merfolk could possibly go, but his forces could attack a merfolk colony and the PCs could be coerced into investigating the situation. And, by coerced I mean their lives will be snuffed out if they refuse… Did I say that out loud? Shit.

Anywho, I believe it’s time for me to shut up before I give away anymore game secrets. Lol.

Ryan

2-27-14

Ice Giant

Today, we’re going to talk about the topic that Cupcake tried to give me yesterday. This is after she said Ragnarok, and I implied that it was going to play some part in the DnD game. I told her no, and said I would do the Ice Giants today, and that’s what we’re going to talk about.

Ice Giants… That’s not what they’re called, and being a Dungeons and Dragons player it kills me to even put the two words together. The adjective ice would imply that the Giants are made of ice, therefore turning them into constructs and golems, and they’re far from that. The better term, the Dungeons and Dragons term, is Frost Giant. And, if we want to get really technical they’re called the Jotunn in Norse Mythology, and they reside in a world called Jotunheim (literally meaning home of the jotunn).

In Norse Mythology, the Jotunn server several very important roles in the order of reality: the world as we know it was created from the body of the largest of the Jotunn, a giant called Ymir. The jotunn also find themselves coming up against the Æsir, the gods of Norse mythology, often playing the role of antagonist, such as the trickster god Loki… who was never actually a god. He was just a jotunn… and he was of no relation to Thor either… in fact… Thor wasn’t even Odin’s son… Scratch that, Google corrected me. I really didn’t think there was any relation there. I thought Odin’s only son was Baldr. Yeah… just looking at Wikipedia for five minutes screwed all of my knowledge of Norse Mythology.

I did check, and yes I was right about Loki having no relation to Thor. Lol.

…

…

…

Sorry, I got distracted there. Watching Tom Hiddleston getting the shit knocked out of him by the Hulk.

“Puny God.”

Gives me chills every time. Which, is kind of right on the mark seeing as Loki is a frost giant, and I’m trying to bring the conversation back around to that point. And, I seem to be failing, as I can think of nothing at all to say about the Frost Giants.

They play a major role in Dungeons and Dragons (obviously) as they are one of the more intelligent and extremely unfriendly types of giants. They’re often seen in the company of orcs and ogres and they’re usually the ones doing the bossing around.

In The Hunter’s Blade trilogy, by R.A. Salvatore, the frost giants, lead by Gerti Oreldottr, are allies with the up and coming orc King Obould Many Arrows as his orcish horde overran the Silver Marches and the kingdom of Bruenor Battlehammer. The frost giants didn’t see much direct combat though, mainly serving as artillery for the army. Being able to lift two and three ton boulders and chuck them up to a mile away makes them just as good as any catapult. Even better really, seeing as it’s much easier to grab a rock up off the ground and hurl it through the air, then it is to wind a catapult back down, load it, position it just right, release it, and pray it hits what you want it to hit. Yup, I’ll definitely be thinking about frost giants the next time I have to overrun a small township with a single wizard tower and a wooden defense wall.

And, this brings me to another point, how should I incorporate the frost giants into my game? I don’t know, and it’s not particularly important at the moment. My PCs are tucked safely(?) away deep underground, and next to an ocean close to the equator of Launam. Not the type of area where a frost giant would be happy.

So, you’re safe for now, Damn Dirty Dungeon Crawlers… You’re safe for now…

Ryan

2-23-14

Ragnarok

Today is the third or fourth apocalyptic prediction that I’ve lived through. And, that’s just been in recent years. The world didn’t self destruct when it rolled around from 1999 to 2000. The rapture didn’t happen in 2011. The Mayan prophecy of the world ending in 2012 was bunk, and now it looks like the Norse prediction has been busted too.

Ragnarok is the Norse prediction of the end of the world; a great battle raging on both heaven and earth with hell taking home ht losers. Ragnarok has also been referred to as the Twilight of the Gods, and the Fate of the Gods, and yes I got that from Wikipedia. It’s shocking! I actually did a little bit of research.

Unfortunately, I have an extremely short attention span, and thus didn’t make it very far into the article at all.

Instead, I decided it would be more fun if I just winged it…

That’s not working out to well, though, as my head has decided it’s full of mush.

The first time I came across the word, Ragnarok was in Final Fantasy VIII. The Ragnarok was the games airship/spaceship/plane-thingy. It followed along the lines of pretty much any anime style space ship. The lines were sleek and sexy, everything was red, and it looked fit to fly into space dock and blast the living hell out of every other ship in the fleet. I can even see it happening in my head, but… getting that onto paper would take much longer and a lot more paper than I planned on using for the post.

I’ll try to find a video of it, but I make no promises.

I know what scene I’m thinking of, but I can’t remember what anime it came from… Probably Gundam Wing…

Beyond that…

Shit… I thought this would be more fun to write about.

I mean, hell, Ragnarok is the killing joke, Loki’s revenge against Odin for eons of imprisonment. Loki’s own son, Fenrir (a giant wolf), is directly responsible for Odin’s death. The big puppy catches Odin from behind and bares him to the ground. Then the puppy proceeds to rip Odin’s spine out starting at the base of the neck.

I’m mildly disturbed by my next thought, as I wondered just how much pain would Odin experience before he died. Would it be like a human getting their spine split at the third vertebra (a nearly instant death), or would he lay there in agony until all the ichor (the blood of the gods; that which provides them with eternal life) drains out of him? And, that’s my morbid thought for the day.

And, now we come to the point my wife is dreading the most… How does Ragnarok relate to the game world? It only vaguely relates to the game world, namely because it’s part of Norse Mythology, and as such is one of the inspirations I pulled from. I even use bits of that mythology (modified of course) directly in the game. Odin is one example, he is a god of battle and he champions the cause of the barbarian, the berserker, and in a strange way he reaches out to shamans. I would say that’s mainly because of his never ending quest for wisdom.

But, yes, there’s that vague connection between Ragnarok and my game world. And, this probably takes a load off my wife’s mind. Lol.

Ryan

2-22-14

PS: That's not the scene I was thinking about, but it's a close approximation. The snippet is from the anime Macross Frontier. I'm not really familiar with it, but I like Macross Plus and Robotech (an Americanized version of Macross Plus). Anywho, enjoy your post Ragnarok Sunday. Say a prayer to Odin calling him a lying son of a b****. Lol.

Fairies

It’s that time of day again guys and gals. Time to write a blog post… Well, it’s past time to write this post. I was given the topic around three or four pm and now it’s fifteen till one in the morning.

So, now I’m supposed to come up with something to say about Fairies.

My wife looked at me earlier and asked me if I really used the blog topics to come up with ideas for the games. I just smiled at her. Out of frustration she gave me fairies, and I’m betting she’s thinking what could possibly go wrong with fairies introduced into the game, and well… she must really not be thinking about these things.

Why?

Because there are so many things that could go wrong with fairies.

http://a-muse-sing.deviantart.com/art/mischievous-fairy-178661902

First off, in Dungeons and Dragons (at least to my knowledge) you won’t come across a single creature described as a fairy. Rather you’ll come across the fey type. The fey cover many different types of creatures including nymphs, dryads, satyrs, pixies, sprites, grigs, nixies, mephitis, and the list could go on for quite some time. If it’s related to nature it’s probably a fey type creature. (Even elves, in mythology not D&D, are considered a type of fey.)

Now, what could go wrong with those?

Fey are often goodly aligned creatures which is kind of counter intuitive with the alignments of my current PC party. I have three chaotic evil PCs (like the Joker) a neutral evil PC (like the xenomorph from aliens) a true neutral PC (he reminds me of an Ent, quite a bit, though he has a much shorter temper) and a lawful neutral PC (imagine Jean Luc Picard as a dwarf). None of them, except maybe the true neutral orc, would get along with the good/chaotically aligned fey.

Not sure where this one came from.

Then you have your evil fey.

Maleficent comes to mind. The evil fairy god mother from Disney’s Sleeping Beauty.

Ganondorf, a corrupted Gerudo, a desert dwelling type of fey in the Legend of Zelda series.

Damien, a pixie half-fiend of my own creation, formerly he was a character in a comic strip one of my players (Robbie, I’m sorry, but I don’t remember the name of the strip!) was drawing. He’s a high level wizard that has made an appearance in my games before, and he will probably make an appearance in this one as well.

Then we have Faetria… who I’m not going to talk about, because I just came up with her. I feel she’ll play an important part in the game to come. We’ll just have to wait and see.

Anywho, I can’t think of anything else to say right now, so I’ll just leave it at that.

Later kids.

Ryan

2-18-14

PS: I could be totally wrong about the Fey and fairy connection in Dungeons and Dragons. There could be fairies in the game and I just skipped right over them. If you know one way or the other, let me know in the comments below.

Werewolves

This is going to post on the 18^th, but I would like to note that it’s being written on the 17^th. It is the third post written on the 17^th, and any insanity that ensues from this point is not something I can be held responsible for. That is, if anything gets written beyond these three sentences, my brain seems to be in the mood to do very little. That’ probably a bad thing since I feel like I’ve got quite a bit of work to catch up on.

Oh my, we’re up to five sentences.

Anyway, on the other side of the planet is the moon, and the moon is something important to what we’re discussing. The title of the post is werewolves, so, naturally the topic is werewolves, and werewolves are governed by the moon.

I can honestly say that I have no idea why there is a connection between the two things. It could be that the full moon has always been associated with insanity, and that’s something I can attest to. I worked nightshift at Kroger, ten years ago at this point, and it was always on the full moon that the crazies came in. You get a higher percentage of drunks, stoners, druggies, you name it and people will take it to excess during the full moon.

That’s probably where the werewolf stories come from; people who went just a tad too far under the influence of the moon and potent drink. Maybe a bar fight got out of hand, and one man tore another’s throat out with his teeth. Maybe. I don’t know, and it’s really hard to tell.

Google might know, but that requires more movement and effort then I’m willing to put into it. It is something I’ll look up in the future, though. I’ve always found werewolves to be extremely interesting characters.

You have to wonder what’s going on in their mind during the transformation. Is it painful? Do they realize what they’ve become once the change is complete? Do they have control over what they’re doing? A lot of people would answer yes, no, no, and that’s not something I’m going to argue with. The way it’s depicted in the media and entertainment industry, transforming into a werewolf is an obscenely painful experience, and it’s a total Jekyll and Hyde effect on their personality. The wolf is instinct in its purest form (some would even say it epitomizes the anger and rage spectrums of emotion) and the beast is going to act solely based on those principles. Again, I could see it.

It also leaves the victim conflicted. They wake up in strange places, covered in blood, and with maddening dreams dancing behind their eyes. They don’t know if what they’ve done is real or if it’s a horrible hallucination. Their own instincts, however, point towards the reality of the situation.

And, that is one sort of story I like to tell. It’s the sort of story where a person not only has to find themselves, but to deal with the monsters hiding in the shadow of their hearts. I can relate to it, and I think anybody with any sort of illness can relate to it. Why me? Why am I doing these things? What’s happening to me? These are just a few questions one inflicted with lycanthrope might ask.

I don’t know if I’m making sense at all.

But…

I think it’s time to look at werewolves in relation to my Dungeons and Dragons game.

If we want to look at the broader spectrum of lycanthrope then I can say my PCs are currently embroiled in a conflict filled with wererats. Yes, people who turn into rats after being bitten by rats. I’m not sure what’s worse, thought. Being bitten by a rat and becoming a wererat, or getting bitten by a rat and contracting the Black Death. I think I might be ok with a permanent craving for cheese if I get to live without the horrid pain of the bubonic plague.

As for werewolves, I’m not sure yet. I’m sure I’ll find some way to include them in the story, but now is not the time for that.

Other were-creatures I’m considering are wereturkeys. I’ve got an idea for a holiday themed adventure locked away inside me brain, and wereturkeys are probably the most entertaining thing about it. Lol.

I guess that’s better than a wereduck though.

Anywho, I’m out. Later kids.

Ryan

2-17-14

Pirates

For reasons undisclosed, as they would sound like excuses, I’ve not been posting on my blog because I’ve not been getting the posts written. In fact, the topic I was given for this post was given to me on Saturday. So, yes, I’m quite behind. To try and make up for that fact I’m going to post twice today: once with this topic, and once with my topic from yesterday.

Blah.

Anywho, the topic of the day is pirates. Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain James Hook, Captain Killian Jones, Edward Teach, and Bluebeard, all of these are famous pirates. (Killian Jones is Once Upon a Time’s version of Captain Hook, I think.) And, most of them, I believe, are fictional. I know Edward Teach (Blackbeard) was a factual pirate, and I think Bluebeard might be real, but I have no idea on that part. But, what I’m really trying to get at is how those individuals have become more than the sum of their parts. They’re famous. They’re sex symbols. They make all the ladies swoon and all the men cheer. And, why is it that they do that? They used to be villains in the stories that featured them. The scum and villainy of the seas.

Why did all that change?

I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure some of it has to do with pop culture. Slowly, society has moved away from the Knight in Shining Armor and things have drifted over to the antihero. Who has more fans Batman or Superman? My guess (even though I’m a Superman fan boy) would be Batman. He has that edge o barely controlled darkness hanging about him. It’s a total sense and sensation that he could erupt at anytime. It’s something that appeals to people in this day and age, because it’s relatable.

How many of you have been so angry all you wanted to do was punch a small child in the face (figuratively speaking of course)? I know I have. I know that anger has simmered beneath my skin, boiling my blood and I can see that same anger cut into the lines on the Dark Knight’s face. I know that he’s just like me, and he takes it a step beyond. He takes that anger and uses it as a tool.

Pirates are a similar sort of antihero, though it’s not always anger that connects us to them. I believe it’s a true idea of freedom that draws us to them. What do pirates do? Whatever the hell they want to do. If they see something they want they take it. If they want to get wasted and stay wasted 24/7 they do it. If they want to… yeah, the list could go on for a while. Basically, pirates have the freedom that we’re denied by the laws and boundaries of our society. We seek these fictional characters out because we want to live our lives vicariously through them. It’s a type of escapism that we crave, and one that almost every type of fiction provides. And, that escapism and lust for a vicarious life has followed us all the way through the ages.

At this point I could give examples, but I kind of already have. I listed off the pirates. I mentioned Batman and Superman. And, now I guess I’ll mention mythology.

Myths and legends of ancient cultures pretty much defined escapism. The Greeks lived through the glories of the Trojan War alongside Achilles. The Visigoths and the Vikings changed Beowulf as they marched into battle. (Probably not, but it’s a neat thought, lol.) And, always have there been stories told to children. They have the most imagination, and the most incredible escapist ability ever. They imagine everything from pirates like Captain Jack Sparrow, to the Kraken, and to things that would utterly terrify adults.

That feels like a good place to end this post. But, I normally talk about how the topic of the post relates to my gaming world. And, I will do that, just not in this post. Lol.

Now, go pop Pirates of the Caribbean into the DVD player, and have a blast living as Captain Jack Sparrow for two and a half hours.

Later kids.

Ryan

2-17-14

PS: I feel the need to point out two things.

1      1.)      I have never, and will never harm a child; it’s just a phrase I use to show my frustration.

2      2.)      I can’t remember what else I was going to say…

Lich

Or to speak in the plural, liches. Why? Because there’s never just one lich.

In Old English the word lich (also spelled lych) means corpse. There’s nothing supernatural about it, nothing past the typical superstitions about the dead at that point in time, but now Lich has taken on an entirely new meaning. A Lich, as a proper noun, means a mortal who has used evil magic to extend his life far past his life expectancy. The spells and rituals transform the lich from a living creature to a member of the undead.

Imagine, if you will, a zombie standing before you. It looks like any of the other shambling corpses, but it’s well dressed, and its clothes seem to be free of the gore acquired by the other monsters. You shoot it in the head, its brains blowing out the back of its skull in a great bloody spray, but the zombie doesn’t fall. Instead, it smiles, starts to laugh, and it whispers a few words. Lightning blasts forth from its fingertips, cutting through you like a knife. The shambling monsters turn towards you, towards the smell of cooked meat, and the last thing you hear is the lich’s cruel laugh rising high into the night sky.

http://looneydm.blogspot.com/2012/01/lich.html

So, yeah, there’s that fun bit. And, about the ‘shooting it in the head and it not dying’ thing, that’s simple to explain. You see, a Lich’s soul is no longer attached to its body. It just possesses whatever corpse is closest to the lich’s phylactery.

Phylactery, it’s a big word, but you know what I’m talking about. Even I you’ve never played a single session of D&D. I know you know what I’m talking about, and you’ll know it to with the very next sentence. A phylactery is an object, often magical, that the person becoming a lich attaches a portion of its soul too, so that when a lich’s host body is destroyed their full soul can return to it to recuperate.

Know what I’m talking about now?

It sounds like Voldemort’s Horcruxes right?

And, the One Ring, forged by Sauron who poured all of his malice and hatred into the ring to give it the power to extend the bearers life. Gollum lived well past the life expectancy of the river folk, and Bilbo lived more than a hundred and eleven years. That’s quite a long time for a hobbit who isn’t supposed to grow past sixty years of age.

You see, you knew what I was talking about, and if you don’t I have one more example for you.

This guy even has it in his name. He is the Lich King, the corpse king, lord of all that is undead and unholy, and leader of the Undead Scourge. He is a lich that started out as a shaman named Ner’zhul, but lichdom was forced on him by the demons of the Burning Legion. His soul was bound to three magical items: the runeblade Frostmourne, a full plate armor set known as the Plate of the Damned, and the Helm of Domination which converted Ner’zhul’s vast natural magical powers into telepathic magic, allowing his will to extend its reach to every undead in the world of Azeroth.

And, I could go on for hours about the Lich King, but that’s talking a bit too much about Blizzard’s game and not mine. So, how am I going to incorporate a lich into my game? It should be obvious. I’m going to create a lich to play antagonist to my player characters, and the funny thing is, I’ve already started to set this up.

In the city my PCs are currently adventuring under there is a place on the map called The Lich’s Palace. I just haven’t decided how this is going to work with the rest of the game.

And, as with CM Puck, the Lich is going to have to wait a little while before I think about his adventure

That’s all from me. Later kids.

Ryan

2-13-14

CM Punk

So… yeah… this last weekend kind of sucked for me, but it’s not something I’m going to get into here. I’d rather keep things light and cheery, and the weekend was filled with dreariness and pain. The only bright spot in the whole thing was our DnD game. I wrote one encounter for the game, and I prayed it would take the PCs more than fifteen minutes to plow through it. It took them two and a half hours to get through what I had prepped… and technically they still aren’t done yet. There’s one third of the maze left, but I think my little Childlike Goddess is going to fix it so they don’t have to work through it. I put them through enough hell with the last two thirds. Lol.

Anyway, that’s not what I’m supposed to be talking about. Nope, today cupcake gave me the topic of CM Punk. Well, at first she gave me the topic of the WWE, then I asked her how she expected me to work the WWE into my DnD game without getting sued. So, she narrowed it down to CM Punk. It will take a little finagling to get him into the game, but I think I can do it lawsuit free.

Anyway, CM Punk…

I don’t know what to say…

My first exposure to CM Punk was when the WWE brought ECW (Extreme Championship Wrestling) promotion back from the grave they sent it to a decade earlier. I watched it infrequently when it came on (I’ve always been an on again off again wrestling fan) and for the longest time, right after it premiered I believe, CM Punk had a winning streak a mile long. He was a fantastic technical wrestler who, I thought, didn’t need to add a lot of flash to his matches. I mean really, his finishing move at the time was a Cobra Clutch (a submission maneuver). And, he was good with the mic. Punk had, and has, a mountain of charisma and would have excelled at whatever field he chose to go into.

And, he excelled at wrestling.

But, he’s had problems with the WWE off and on over the years. Punk doesn’t fit the stereotype the WWE caters too. He’s a short guy, shorter than me (though since I’m 5’11” that’s not a hard thing to do) and he probably weights between 190 and 220 soaking wet. (I’m taller than he is, and I weigh more than he does, but GD he could kick my ass up and down the basketball court.) And, what the WWE thinks a wrestler should look like is 6’2” and between 220 and 300 pounds, and cut like some sort of Athenian god. Yes, a body builder like the Govenator is what they’re looking for. CM Punk is not that.

Still he jumped through every hoop the WWE lit on fire and more. He made it to the top, spent a year and four months, or something like that, as the WWE champion and they still treated him like trash. Not once has CM Punk headlined a Wrestlemania (he’s had championship matches at Wrestlemania, but he’s never been the main event, last fight of the night), he was down played when it came to The Rock, who hadn’t wrestled in nearly a decade, decided to come back and face John Cena for the WWE championship. It was The Rock Punk lost the championship to at the end of this legendary title reign.

And, now CM Punk has a new problem with the WWE. Daniel Brian. Punk doesn’t have a problem with Daniel Brian, he has a problem with the way they’re treating their fan voted superstar of the year. The WWE is treating Daniel Brian the same way they treated Punk at the beginning of his career.

So, Punk quit, and now everybody’s speculating as to what will happen next. Will he go to MMA and face off with Power Ranger’s legend Jason David Frank? One can only hope.

As for me, I’ve got a bug to pick with a Halfling. The damned little thing as come close to getting the party Cthulhu’ed twice! So, I’ve decided to work this Halfling and CM Punk into one entity. Introducing CM Puck, like the character from A Midsummer Night’s Dream, the one who gave the prologue, (Puck was his name. Lol.) and as CM Puck this little Halfling is a bard fighter multiclass character (maybe even a level of monk or two… er maybe not) whose been seen showing up the bigger baddies in the bare fist boxing ring. Now he’s up against Really Repulsive Ricky (Triple R), whose manager is Vance McClavical, and the odds are in CM Puck’s favor. McClavical will do just about anything, at this point, to keep CM Puck from winning, maybe even going so far as to hire the PCs to fix the match for him.

Cthulhu’ed: summoning the great old one for the explicit purpose of eliminating the player characters.

Anyway, I’m going to stop working on the next adventure and get back to my current one. The PCs might be upset if I’ve got nothing ready for them this Saturday.

Ryan

2-11-14

Legend of Zelda

First off, I want to say that the first thing to come to mind when I hear those words are the theme to the game. I would try to recreate the melody here, but that would be ineffective since this is a text medium instead of an audio or visual medium. Therefore I shall use Youtube to refresh your memory.

And, for shits and giggles, here’s the version with lyrics.

Now, we all know what musical ditty I’m talking about and I’ve probably managed to get at least one of them stuck in your head. I consider my job well done on that part.

But, alas, the ditty is not what the topic of today’s post is going to be about. I’ve had a lot of serious crap on my mind today, and I asked Mel for a topic that wasn’t. Serious that is. And, I’m getting stuck. Lol. I don’t actually know what to say about the Legend of Zelda.

Well, first off, it’s not about humans. There’s not a single character (in most of the games I believe) that is human. There might be some in Majora’s Mask, but I can’t remember right now. Instead of humans the game is about Hylians, an elven subrace. Yes, boys and girls, Link is in some way related to Legolas. I’m not sure if that’s here or there, but yes, they’re elves.

This means they have a +2 to dexterity and a -2 to constitution. And, since Link seems to be very adaptable (we’ll consider that a racial feature) I’ll go ahead and say that Hylian Elves get an additional feat at first level. And, I would put their favored class as Ranger, instead of the elves typical choice of wizardry.

Yes, somehow this became a discussion about Link and Hylians being Dungeons and Dragons characters. Or rather how they would fit into the rules of Dungeons and Dragons, and Pathfinder by extension.

I’ve been doing that a lot lately. Applying D&D rules and stats to things that actually have very little to do with the game.

Take Maleficent as an example: Russell and I went back and forth for an hour or two about how she would fit into D&D. I think we finally settled on her being a black dragon with levels in the Druid class that assumes the shape of a fey or sylvan woman (a fairy in other words). And, I think that’s a pretty fair run, given what powers she showed in the classic Sleeping Beauty movie, and the upcoming movie Maleficent trailers. (Most people would say she’s a sorcerer, but nah. I’m pretty sure she’s a druid. Though she might be a druid that’s taken levels in sorcerer to expand her repertoire of malefic magic.)

Then a couple of months ago a friend and I were trying to make stats up for the Headless Horseman for a Halloween themed adventure.

And, all of that has been in good fun. :D

So, yes, Link is a Hylian Elf Ranger who carries a +5 Reflective Shield and a +3 Holy Avenger.

Later Kids.

Ryan

1-29-14

Unicorns

So, I really need to come up with a list of random topics to pull from instead of asking Mel. I got Snow yesterday and Unicorn’s today. I fear that the longer this goes on the more girly the topics will get. Soon I’ll be talking about painting my toe nails and discussing the pros and cons of puffy pink butterflies. And, the funny thing is, Mel isn’t that girly. She’s more of a tomboy, so these girly topics are coming way out of left field.

Yeesh.

Anywho, unicorns are pretty perfect creatures that are basically a cross breeding attempt between a horse and a rhino, throw some narwhal in there too just to really mix things up, and you get a horse with a horn growing straight up from its forehead. Not multiples that could masquerade as antlers nor are they curved ram like horns good for head butting. No, just one horn; it gives the wrestling move “spear” a whole new meaning.

But, what else is important about unicorns? I read the unicorn entry in the Monster Manual, and I thought of a way to include unicorns in my current campaign. Mel’s convinced they’d kill us (us being the PCs, not me), but I think they could take it. A unicorn is a CR (challenge rating) 3 creature, and there are six or seven PCs (Player Characters), I forget the exact number, and they’re all level one. But, I’ve put them up against a CR 2 dragon and they ripped it a new one. I don’t even think any of the PCs took damage in that fight.

So, yeah, a unicorn might be making an appearance in game. You have been warned Damn Dirty Dungeon Crawlers. Mwahahahahahahahahahaha

And, that’s enough of that.

I know unicorns are fantasy creatures, and that they come from mythology, but I’m not actually sure what mythological traditions. And, after asking Mel about it, I’m even more confused. She was telling me that there were unicorn sightings in Germanic and Celtic mythology, which is where I thought they came from, but there are also reports from Greek mythology and the Bible! There are accounts about unicorn hunts and the connection between the purity of a unicorn and Christ.

It’s a lot of stuff I didn’t know.

Hell, I didn’t even realize that Queen Elizabeth I had two unicorn horns! They’re narwhal horns, but still, who could look at a horn like that and not imagine it coming from some great majestic beast. I know I would have been convinced unicorns existed if somebody had showed me a narwhal’s horn right after the story about him getting said horn from a unicorn.

I’m even thinking of a story that runs in that direction. A story about a man getting duped, giving up everything he owns to have the unicorn’s horn, and finds out later that everything was a lie… Damn it! I need to stop giving out story ideas…

Lol.

As for any other matters of importance; I don’t know. I’ll just say that my Dungeon Crawlers ought to look forward to their first encounter with a unicorn.

Ryan

1-22-14

Here's a link to the website Mel was giving me info from.