MIA

I’ve been out of touch for the last couple of days, and I guess what I need to do now is explain why. Well, I probably don’t actually have to explain why. I just feel like I should since I don’t like leaving things unexplained.

Monday, I didn’t write a blog post to put up for Tuesday. Part of the reason for that is because I typed my last blog post, Spring, right after I got home from work, and thus felt like I’d already written my blog post. I guess that’s kind of a trap I set for myself, because I more or less did the same thing either last week or the week before. I can’t remember. I would write a blog post for that day, and type it before I did anything else on my list.

I don’t like that I did it, but I can’t go back and change it now. And, I can’t go back to Monday to make myself write a blog post. I don’t have a TARDIS. If I did, though, I would go back and make myself do a lot of things differently, but I’m pretty sure that in the act of doing that I would create a temporal paradox and the universe would come crashing down around me.

Might be entertaining to watch.

Either way, what’s done is done.

Now, I have a better reason for not doing stuff on Tuesday.

I went to the dentist on Tuesday. Normally, that’s not such a big deal. But, this is the first time I’ve ever had to get a tooth pulled. And, I really had to get two of them pulled.

One of them they got out. It took some work, but they got it out. The other one didn’t go so smoothly. They couldn’t get it to come loose, or it was stuck on something. I’m not sure, but it wouldn’t come out. And, now the bloody thing hurts. It wiggles every time I chew something, and if I bite down on it the wrong way it feels like I’ve been stabbed in the face.

It makes me want to cry.

I don’t know how I’m going to be able to handle work tomorrow, but I really don’t have a choice in the matter. That’s part of being an adult, I’m afraid.

Oy vey.

Anywho, I’m going to quit bitching, take about 1600 milligrams of ibuprofen and go to bed.

God, be with me, I’m going to need you tomorrow.

Ryan

3-26-14

And, just to throw a DnD reference in there I'd rather fight one of these:

www.conceptart.org

Than have another tooth pulled. Or maybe I'd rather have this thing being the one to pull my teeth. Then I know it wouldn't hurt for very long.

Legend of Zelda

First off, I want to say that the first thing to come to mind when I hear those words are the theme to the game. I would try to recreate the melody here, but that would be ineffective since this is a text medium instead of an audio or visual medium. Therefore I shall use Youtube to refresh your memory.

And, for shits and giggles, here’s the version with lyrics.

Now, we all know what musical ditty I’m talking about and I’ve probably managed to get at least one of them stuck in your head. I consider my job well done on that part.

But, alas, the ditty is not what the topic of today’s post is going to be about. I’ve had a lot of serious crap on my mind today, and I asked Mel for a topic that wasn’t. Serious that is. And, I’m getting stuck. Lol. I don’t actually know what to say about the Legend of Zelda.

Well, first off, it’s not about humans. There’s not a single character (in most of the games I believe) that is human. There might be some in Majora’s Mask, but I can’t remember right now. Instead of humans the game is about Hylians, an elven subrace. Yes, boys and girls, Link is in some way related to Legolas. I’m not sure if that’s here or there, but yes, they’re elves.

This means they have a +2 to dexterity and a -2 to constitution. And, since Link seems to be very adaptable (we’ll consider that a racial feature) I’ll go ahead and say that Hylian Elves get an additional feat at first level. And, I would put their favored class as Ranger, instead of the elves typical choice of wizardry.

Yes, somehow this became a discussion about Link and Hylians being Dungeons and Dragons characters. Or rather how they would fit into the rules of Dungeons and Dragons, and Pathfinder by extension.

I’ve been doing that a lot lately. Applying D&D rules and stats to things that actually have very little to do with the game.

Take Maleficent as an example: Russell and I went back and forth for an hour or two about how she would fit into D&D. I think we finally settled on her being a black dragon with levels in the Druid class that assumes the shape of a fey or sylvan woman (a fairy in other words). And, I think that’s a pretty fair run, given what powers she showed in the classic Sleeping Beauty movie, and the upcoming movie Maleficent trailers. (Most people would say she’s a sorcerer, but nah. I’m pretty sure she’s a druid. Though she might be a druid that’s taken levels in sorcerer to expand her repertoire of malefic magic.)

Then a couple of months ago a friend and I were trying to make stats up for the Headless Horseman for a Halloween themed adventure.

And, all of that has been in good fun. :D

So, yes, Link is a Hylian Elf Ranger who carries a +5 Reflective Shield and a +3 Holy Avenger.

Later Kids.

Ryan

1-29-14

As Time Goes By

In the last two days I’ve managed to forget my blog post each day L So, now I’ve had a major drop in views and the people who usually read my blog are upset. Probably not really, but I’m going to think that anyway. As negative as it might be.

But, I’m working on things, trying to push forward and not let the days I’ve stumbled clutter my mind and drag me down. I’m only human, I make mistakes the same as everybody else. What gets me though is how I dwell on those mistakes, and inflate them to great sizes. I give them more importance than they should have, and it weighs me down.

It makes me miserable.

And, misery is easy. Misery is the lazy way of life, the acceptance of mediocrity, and the denial of the fruits of our true labors and passions. Misery is easy because you don’t have to change.

Even now my mind is fighting against that word. It’s afraid of that word and so am I. Change means so many things. Making sure you change your underwear is the least of it. Change means success and failure. Change means pain and misery of a different variety, but if you strive through it and push hard enough you can break through that misery. You can improve.

I need to change, and I’ve been trying to change bit by bit. I’ve needed to change for a long while now and all the bits and pieces of that realization are falling together. I was even talking to one of my friends today about having to change the way she thinks so that she becomes good at math. I told her she needs to make that decision and find the way to follow through with it until she’s found her way out the other side; when she’s over to the point where math is easy.

I need to practice what I’ve been preaching.

For some reason all that sounds extremely negative, and I’ve managed to depress myself by writing it. That wasn’t my intention. I really promise that it wasn’t. I wanted to find the good in it, the thread of it that I can take and apply to my life to help clean up the mess I’ve made.

There was a Macklemore & Ryan Lewis song, I believe, that’s either about movies or books, but either way it’s talking about something one must do with both. They talk about how your whole life is this book/movie and that there’s only one person that has the ability to edit that work. I am the only person that can edit my story. You’re the only person that can edit your story. So on and so forth. The point is, again, that there’s only one place change can come from. (After driving around for a little while my mp3 player played this song. It is “Life is Cinema” and it’s comparing life to a movie. Just thought I’d throw that out there.)

And, I’m not saying that other people can’t help. There are hordes of people that can help. There’s even a series of careers based solely on that idea of helping somebody change. You are the only person who can institute change, but others can help instigate it, or show you the many paths you have to choose from, and they can show you the tools you can use to make that change.

In other words, therapists are awesome. You should go and get one right now.

Everybody needs to change. Remaining static is akin to dying. And, there’s one phrase I’m looking for right now. A common cliché I believe. Shit or get off the pot. Yeah, that’s it. Shit or get off the pot. Do something different with your life. Don’t just sit there. Embrace change.

Ryan

Puppies

This post will probably not mention puppies at all, so… we’ll leave it at that.

What today’s post is going to be about is my ability to be a douche bag (pardon the language). I’ve had a semi-crappy semi-not-crappy semi-cranky day. It’s been weird. I really don’t know what to say abou tit.

I had to work today, that much I can tell you, and working interfered with me walking earlier in the day. I did do my walk at Walmart when I got out of work, but I think that set me off kilter to start with. It’s insane, but in those two days I got used to doing my walk when I woke up, took Erik to work, and what not, then going on with the rest of my day. And, just having to work today threw me off. I really gotta get my shit straight.

So, the walk was late, The Goal That Shall Not Be Named was later, and once again, I’m sitting here at 10:30 pm trying to get a blog post written. I’m still not sure what the post’s topic ought to be.

I could actually write about puppies… now that I’m done whining about how life didn’t work out the way I wanted it too. And, the real good answer to that, the one I need to hear is boo hoo, get used to it. If you want to make something of yourself in life, or try to change something about your life, sitting around and complaining about it isn’t going to get anything done.

My wife and I had a long talk about that, and I came to the same conclusion I’ve always come too. I need to change, I need to put forward the effort required to turn my life around. And, I need to follow through with it. Making plans have always been easy for me, it’s the follow through that kills me.

And, still, there isn’t any actual mention of puppies.

I liked the result I got when I started posting my walk stats and what not on Facebook. I’ve been a little dismayed that those are becoming fewer and fewer, but I’m the only person who can change that. What I’m trying to get at though, is being held publicly accountable for my actions. I liked that. And, I liked the overwhelmingly positive response I got from it right there in the beginning.

There might be a correlation between that tapering off and the number of days I go between posting stats. Maybe. Or maybe Facebook is a bitch. Either way…

Puppies are awesome!

What I’m going to try to do is shoulder a little bit heavier of a load than I have been. Mel’s had to carry too much of the weight for far too long. I need to get serious.

I’ve been looking at doing freelance writing work, and looking at revenue sharing websites (you’ve noticed the ads I believe) and I need to get serious if I’m going to turn this into a form of income.

First, I need to learn SEO (Search Engine Optimization is what that stands for… I believe) and I need to learn some tricks about getting more traffic to my pages. I’ll google how to do that tomorrow, I’m about to doze off right now. And, there’s a lot more I need to look into learning, but we’ll start with SEO and traffic tips first.

G’nite kids.

Ryan

The Last Goodbye

I’ve got a new car now. A Ford Focus that I like a great deal more than I thought I was going too. I got it a few days ago, on Tuesday I believe it was, and I thought of a really good post for the blog that I meant to write… on Tuesday. It’s a bit late.

Anyway…

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my old car, on Tuesday I did anyway. Tuesday was the day it became real for me. I’d been without my Malibu for close to a month at that point, but I still hadn’t given in to the fact that I’d never drive it again. That I’d never even sit in it again. Tuesday it became real for me.

We were sitting in the dealership, waiting for the finance guy to fill out the paperwork, and I sat looking at the Focus. I could feel things falling into place then and a great depression washed up over me.

My car is gone… was the only thing I could think. My chest gave out and my lungs gave way and I almost cried right then. My car was gone, it had been smeared across a guardrail and it had already been sold for scrap. I would never sit in it again. I’d never drive it and listen to the nice little rumble the engine had. I’d never get to think about putting projector headlights on it, or a twin turbo, or dual exhaust. I’d never get to do a lot of things, thinking about my car again, and I cracked just a little, like I’m cracking right now writing about it.

I remember two or three days before we went to get the Focus. Mel and Erik were arguing about the Focus and the Eclipse (the Eclipse was the other car we were looking at, but it had a problem or two), and I came up with something off the wall. Something about getting a Silverado or an Avalanche, you know, something I couldn’t afford in the first place, let alone afford to gas up. One of them said “We’re being serious here.” and that hit me wrong. I snapped at that point and said something along the lines of “If we’re being serious here, I don’t want the Focus, I don’t want the Eclipse, I want My fucking car.”

That was the end of the argument. I stormed off to brood somewhere else, and they got really quiet, and I kept that attitude for the longest time. Even when we went to get the Focus I went with that attitude.

I didn’t want to like the Focus. I still don’t want to like the Focus, but I know I can’t turn the hands of time back. I can’t go back before I hit that guardrail to change my mind about what street I should take. I can’t go back in time to save my car. I’m short on DeLoreans, and the Tardis is in the shop. Yeah, I can’t go back.

It makes me want to cry.

But, I’m trying to like the Focus, and against all my attempts not to like it, I’ve found a lot I do like about it. It has a lot of features that the Malibu didn’t have. I know I was finding things to dislike when I first sat down in the Focus, but I’m overcoming that.

Maybe that’s a step forward.

I need to let go of the Malibu and embrace the Focus. I guess that could stand for a few things metaphorically. Stop living in the past. Accept change. Embrace the future. Stop looking back and start looking forward… I’ve had too many philosophy and literature classes.

Joy of joys.

Anywho, that’s enough depressing shit out of me.

Ryan

Journal 7-8-13

Forgot to post.

Yes, ladies and germs, I forgot to post yesterday. I even meant to get on the computer and tell you I forgot to post because I had forgot to post until after work. Anyway, that post didn't happen, so we'll just cram two days into one post.

On Sunday an interesting little thing happened. I got off work an hour early, and  Erik was supposed to come and pick me up. Well, I tried to call him as soon as I heard I was getting off at two instead of three (learned that at one). There was no answer. I asked around, well I really only had to ask one person. Shasta, the most awesome McDonalds manager in the world, lol. And, she said she'd take me home. So, I called again, this is about ten minutes before I got to walk out the door. There was still no answer.

So, Shasta's ready to go, and I hope that we'll beat Erik to the house. Hoping that he doesn't leave before we get to the house. And, the entire ride down 119 down 65 I kept watching for my car. I even had Shasta pull over once, and chase another car because I thought it was mine. It wasn't. So, we went on to my house, and my car was still in its parking spot, and I was relieved. I told Shasta I would invite her in, but the place is a mess and we parted ways there.

I also remember telling her I was going to f*** with my Erik.

When I went into the house, Erik was still zonked out on the sofa (understandable considering the time he spent conscious the weekend before). I expected his alarm to go off, and him to jump to attention and be like Oh Sh*t, I forgot Ryan. Then I would get to look at him and laugh as he stared at me. It didn't happen.

Three rolled around, when I was supposed to get off work, and Erik still hadn't woken up. So, I started to try and wake him up. Telling him he was forgetting me. And, telling him that I got off at three and I was going to be pissed. That went on for all of five minutes. He still didn't budge.

So, I went on with the rest of my day. I wanted to strangle the contractor. I worked on cleaning the living room a little more, and when cupcake showed up we went back over to the rental property and I valiantly managed to keep from strangling the contractor in front of my cupcake. (I don't like the contractor if you can't tell.) Then we went back to the house, and continued cleaning the living room. Erik still hadn't woken up.

We went out for dinner at Subway, and a necessities only shopping trip to Walmart. And, when we came back, Erik was still asleep. At that point, it was six hours past the time he was supposed to have woken up and come to pick me up.

I decided I was going to tell him I walked home.

But, after such an ordeal, I decided to take a shower. Erik woke up while I was in the shower, and Mel didn't play along. She just asked him if he forgot me, and told him Shasta brought me home. When I got out of the shower, I looked at Mel, and knew what she did. And, I was cranky, lol. We did get a laugh out of it though.

Today, with the exception of one thing, sucked.

I had to leave work early again, but this one wasn't because of labor. This time I was throwing up in the trash can in the back room and hardly able to breath. I'd been feeling sick for the last few days, I thought it was just a psychosomatic reaction to me being at work, me brain doesn't like me job. But, its never gotten so bad that I actually vomited. That proved to me that it wasn't all in my head.

So, I got sent home, and I immediately fell into two different pits of depression. One was the fear that I upset cupcake, and that got me crying. The other was the fear that I was going to be too sick to help in the move, and that got me crying. Then, just before we took Button to the vet, Mel found an article about these glass pyramids found at the very center of the Bermuda triangle. It's supposition that the pyramids are made out of a glass or crystalline building material. They believe these are to be the first official ruins of the Atlantean civilization.

That was validation for me! I had been saying for years that they should be looking in the Bermuda Triangle, particularly it's center for evidence of the lost civilization. And, now, I just wish I had the doctor who made the discovery's email address to let him know about a couple other structures I think are buried in that general area.

Anywho, sleep is kicking me in the a** and I'm going to give in. I'll post more later.

Ryan

Journal: 6-26-13

It is not my fault I didn't post yesterday.

Yes, it was my fault I didn't post the day before. At least, I think I didn't post the day before... I can't really remember right now.

Anyway, I cannot be held accountable.

The internet went out. I don't know why, but there was a statewide internet blackout for any consumer who used Frontier as their provider. I don't know why it happened. I would like to know why it happened. But, whatever the cause, I don't mind too much. When we got internet back again, it was moving at the actual full speed we're supposed to be getting (3 megs down, I think) instead of hovering around the middle marker.

But, yeah, I probably wouldn't have posted yesterday anyway. I had been busy packing, and moving, and helping lay the floor down in our new place, and I hadn't given much thought to posting anything at all. I'm not even sure if I put any new HubPages material up. And, what I just finished setting up to post wasn't even written today. It was an article I wrote almost four months ago, and just now remembered. So, yeah.

As for today's activities, I kept them pretty slim. I tore the carpet out of one of the bedrooms in the new place to set up for putting down the new floor. I moved some of the owners stuff out of the back room and onto the back porch, so that when we get the flooring done in there we can start moving our stuff in. That will be either tomorrow or Friday.

I'm hoping for tomorrow. I'm eager to get out of this hell hole and into a home where I can really feel at home. That's something I don't think I've felt since we moved out of the apartment in Athens...

And, I am going to publicly swear to each and every one of you, that I am going to be responsible for the upkeep of our new home. I will make sure it is clean. And, I will be the one doing the necessary and unpleasant yelling when something isn't done.

Just kidding.

But, I will be the one making the chore chart, and thus it will be my responsibility to see it filled out and completed.

Also, I'm going to have a new writing room SQUEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, I think I'm going to set my desk up in the closet. Lol. i don't know why. It's a good sized closet, not a walk in, but it's certainly a place where I can disappear from the rest of the world. And, if I feel like pretending to be Doctor Who, it can be my Tardis :) And, now I have to paint the door blue.

That reminds me. I need to go and buy the paint for my room. Seeing as I'm special, and want it a different color than the rest of the house.

God, I can't wait.

Anywho, I'm going to cut this off now. I'll talk to you all laters.

Ryan

Journal 6-14-13

Morning ladies and gents. I don't have long, I'm writing this after my bed time so I'll just say a few things, and we'll get on with our day.

First, I've missed a day or two, I know, but I'm going to blame work for it. I've been scheduled earlier shifts than I'm used too, and (though Mel tries her best to off set this) I wind up not going to sleep when I should. It's my own personal stubbornness as much as it I insomnia. So, when I get home I'm exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally (I work at McDs with a social anxiety disorder, I'm an emotional wreck everyday father work). So, I don't want to do anything.

And, on that note, let's talk about productivity. It's way down. I was talking to my doc on Weds, and I set a productivity oal of seven hubpages articles, and seven scenes on Cold Lunch. Well, its Friday, and I should have what, six out of seven articles done? Yeah. I've got two. So, tomorrow, if I want to hit my goal of seven articles, then I'll need to write five of them. Plus one scene for Cold Lunch, and I hardly doubt that happening.

And,I didn't post my fanfiction yesterday. I honestly forgot about doing it until I sat down to write this. And, I'm laying in bed typing this on my iPad, and I'm not getting out of bed for the sake of fanfiction. Also, I didn't type and post the article I was supposed to put up on hubpages today. That was laziness.

Anywho, the wife has caught me conscious, so I'm off to dreamland, I'll fill you in on the rest of the day, tomorrow sometime.

Journal 6-11-13

She’s ALIVE!!!

If you were paying attention to Mel’s status updates, then you saw that Button got an emergency trip to the vet yesterday, and we are happy to report that she is okay. And, the excitement was all caused by an allergy to fleas…

Yup. Button is severely allergic to them, so allergic in fact that she breaks out all over, over grooms, scratches until the bites pop, tears clumps out, and she managed to pick up an infection too. Lymph nodes in her stomach had swollen up to the size of golf balls in what had to be a matter of hours. Those swollen nodes were what caused the freak out, which was a necessary freak out, and got Button the medicine she needs to get better. As well as a way to take care of her, and the other cats.

But, yeah, I thought she was gone. Even before we’d left for Charleston I’d resigned myself to the fact that my kitten wouldn’t be coming home alive. I gave up, and I turned off. If I hadn’t, I don’t know how last night would have gone. I’m thankful it wasn’t what we thought it was, and I’m thankful that she’s still here with me today, even if she’s a cranky little animal. And, entertaining or not, I think I’m going to make some more videos of her. That will make me feel better. Yeah, I think that will make me feel better.

I don’t have anything else to report for the day, except that I’m extremely hair brained. I’ve been trying to get ahead of where I need to be on articles so I can get some time to work on Cold Lunch. Well, yesterday, I got a wild hair up my ass to write a DnD adventure. (This was before the problems with Button.) So, I managed to spend today much the way I spent my first two semesters of college, flipping back and forth through game reference books to put an adventure together. In the end, I’ve got a town of two hundred and twenty-three people statted out, the hook and story seeds for the adventure, and one of the monsters in the first encounter done. I could have had one, maybe two articles written and typed. Then I’d be ahead of schedule. As it is, I’ll be scrambling when I wake up to get tomorrow’s typed, and posted.

On a lighter note, I read the Open Gaming/Game License or something like that. Basically, it’s a law that allows content creators to publish content relating to such and such game without getting explicit permission from the copyright holder, or trying to get the material published through said copyright holder’s company. That means, after a little bit of game testing, you’ll be able to buy a Ryan Smith original 3.5 edition d20 fantasy role playing adventure. I think I’ll try to come up with a shorter description for it. Like a Ghost Co. Games adventure, or something like that.

I dunno.

Anywho, I think it is past time for bed. I’ll talk to you cool cats later.

Ryan

PS: I know I’m a nerd.

Journal 5-15-13

Decisions: AKA a huge pile of shit I don’t want to deal with.

Today has been a whirlwind. It might be because I haven’t slept since 9am yesterday morning. It might be because I’m generally unable to control my emotional level. Or it could be some other unforeseen force at work. I dunno. But, I do know that I’m really tired. Lol.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about doing a post like this for a while (two or three weeks, as an example of how fast I keep up with my mind), and since then I’ve kind of been digesting things, looking at the parts of my life that need to be looked at. The review wasn’t good.

Basically, the best thing in my life is and always will be my wife. Mel is the absolute best.

Other than her though, I’m not doing so hot.

I guess I could go with a long list of all the things that have gone wrong, but I’ll skip that. Well… I’ll give you the truncated version.

Degree: useless.

Job: sucks.

Career: nonexistent.

Publication: a far off dream.

Ambition: ?

(I’m probably going to get a tongue lashing about this post. Lol.)

But, yeah, there you go. What I see is wrong with me in one simple list.

And, now I should moan and complain about swirling around in a vast pit of despair. Rolling from one dead end job to another. Living between the mood swings and the obsessions. Just really letting myself soak in all the negative crap that I feel pours out of my ears and eyes and mouth. Yeah, I don’t think you want to listen to that. And, though it goes against how I’ve felt almost all day, I’m feeling kind of upbeat right now. (It might be the fact that I’m getting ready to go to bed.)

I feel the need to try and be positive. And, maybe give a thesis statement or something like that. I’m going to change my life by doing xyz. I’ll talk about all the different plans I have, and blah, blah, blah.

The problem with that is I don’t know how to change my life. I don’t know what path I need to walk down, and I can’t see the road signs. I don’t know what leads to what.

But, then, that’s life isn’t it. We all wander through the fog like that. There’s no instruction manual, no snowflake method to living a life. (And, I really don’t care what anybody says about that.) So, the best thing I can do, I guess, is look at the options and see what puts me where.

1.       Publication: I hate to say it, and to all the people who will disagree with me, but right now I feel like publishing a book is a shot in the dark. I’m halfway through the second draft of my longest and latest novel, and I’m not sure how it’s going to turn out. Calculating the word average from what I have now it’s going to be 20-30k longer than I planned on it being. And, that probably means another draft.

 Which means more time away from getting it on the market.

More time away from getting it published.

 And, so on and so forth.

So, depending on the gods of good fortune in getting a bestseller right off the bat is probably not a good idea. Not only that, but it puts undue stress on the author. I feel like I have to produce a bestseller, because this is the only thing I’m hanging my career on, the welfare of my family, and my ability to put food on the table.

Frankly, luck is a bad idea for that sort of situation.

2.       Going into business: Might sound silly, but I’ve thought about it over the years. Opening my own bookstore, or maybe running a lawn care business (a recent idea), but there’s several problems with that. I don’t have the funds. I don’t have the necessary skill set. I don’t know how to write a business plan. Nor do I know how to run a business. None of the details.

 I think I might, and when I think about my store or service it’s always a huge success. That’s like depending on luck though. Starting a business is hard. It’s uncertain. And, it takes a while to see anything come to fruition (two to six years from what I’ve read).

So, an option for the future, keeping my eye out to learn those necessary skills, and learn how to place value on an object I feel is invaluable or something like that. A future option is viable. A cure for the immediate situation? No. Probably a bad idea to dive into in the current state of things.

3.       School: I’m thinking about going back to school. And, I’m thinking of trying to teach school. Lol. These are actually things I’ve been thinking about for… well, since I got out of college.

The first problem is money.

The second problem is location.

The third problem is time.

The fourth problem… I can’t make up my mind.

Who knew?

There are options, a wealth of options, some might say.

Right now I’m thinking about trying to get into a certificate program or two to learn Medical Billing and Phlebotomy (both pay better than McDonalds, and well, any of the jobs I’ve had in the last five years). So, I’m looking at these programs, and it’s going to be about a year, year and a half before I finish. Not an immediate solution. It’s going to cost somewhere between 20 and 30 grand figuring in tuition and travel and a whole list of other things. Not sure where that money would come from. And, I’d have to drive to Pikeville and back, plus working, plus studying. The thought of the gas prices alone kills me. Yeah, dunno about that one.

I also want to get a Creative Writing MFA. This is accomplishable. I could do a low residency program so that most of my studies would be online and at home. But, a Creative Writing MFA isn’t a guaranteed ticket to publication and international bestsellerdom. That’s going back to shooting on that luck thing.

Then I could go for other masters through an online institution like University of Phoenix. This I could see being doable as well, except for the fact that the two options I’ve looked at are about as sure of a job thing as the MFA. I would like to study psychology, and I could. But their online program encompasses none of the practical and clinical experience. So… that would be almost impossible to find a job in. And, I thought about their education program, and nixed it the first time I talked to one of their reps. They don’t offer that program in West Virginia. Awesome huh?

And, one other problem with the masters. Money. A masters degree is expensive.

So, I’ve thought about skipping the going back to school thing altogether, and using the Transition to Teaching program offered by the West Virginia Board of Education. That one hits a rut too. I graduated from Concord with a 2.1 GPA, and the BOE requires, by law, a 2.5. Doesn’t sound so bad does it?

Well…

I managed to mess myself up so bad in school (through a serious set of circumstances I don’t want to relive in this post) that I’ve got more negative points than positive points. I talked to the registrar at Concord yesterday, and it would take 45 credit hours with a 4.0 GPA to raise mine to the 2.5 I’d need. Basically, if I take the certificate courses (about 48 credit hours) and aced them, I’d have the GPA I’d need to go through with Transition to Teaching.

Lots of fun there.

I was going to try to keep this positive but that went straight to hell. Didn’t it?

4.       Ambition: I don’t know where it went.

I wanted a lot out of life. In college I had a quadruple major, and it fell to pieces. I’ve tried to sell a novel before, and short stories, and I’ve seen nothing out of that. And, we’ve already talked about the business and school things.

It’s like I’m wading in this pool that I can’t get out of.

I’m stuck. And, I don’t know what to do to get out. (The whole point of this post.)

I want to do a lot of things. I want to sit at home and tip-tap the little keys on my keyboard, making up stories that would scare the pants off the strongest man in the world. I want to play video games all day long, and not have to worry about where the money is coming from. I want to feel better, both physically and emotionally. I want to be able to understand and coexist with what is wrong with me. And, I want to get rid of the stress all these decisions are bringing down on my head.

Realistic right?

But, I think I might have a plan. I just need to light a fire under my ass to get it going.

The internet is the ninth wonder of the world (right behind Andre the Giant), and it is filled with opportunity. One just has to be able to see that opportunity, and understand how to make it work to turn a little bit of a profit.

I can see that opportunity.

I can understand how to make it work.

I can whore myself and my work out. I can write blogs, a personal one like this, and then a couple on those sights that specialize in ad sharing or whatever it’s called. I can do the same on youtube, though since I’m not funny I’d probably have to stick to making homemade audio books. I can even self-publish some of my work for free through amazon, ibooks, and smashwords. I’d be able to set the prices to what I want, and use my blogs and other social media tools to sell them.

I can build an audience! And, that’s what I need. I need to get my work out there, to build an audience. To make myself look good to the companies I want to publish my books.

I understand all of this.

But, I’m lacking something.

Follow through.

As you can no doubt tell my blog has become something that is infrequently updated. Insert another example here. I just don’t know why. But, I’m trying to work through it. I’m trying to build good habits. Walking. Writing everyday no matter what it’s about. Meditation and the study of Zen Buddhism to clear all the clutter out of my brain. These are the habits I want to establish.

But…

It’s just like with school.

And, with the businesses.

None of it’s an immediate solution. Everything I talked about takes time, and I feel like I don’t have the time. I need it now, because I feel like I’m detracting from the quality of life my wife should have. That’s why it’s hard for me to make these decisions. I can’t see which one is going to be the fastest route to success. So, what I really need to decide to do is understand that there are no immediate solutions. I need to understand that these things take time, and I have to be willing to give it that time.

Mel tells me to live one day at a time. And, I like to make a joke about writing; you write a novel one word at a time. But, I’m not willing to allow that line of thought into my head.

My decision needs to be to let that idea in. I need to learn patients. I need to learn discipline. Thus the study of Zen Buddhism, and the habit building. The door has to be opened somehow.

Anywho, I’m going to bed. G’nite taters.

Ryan

Journal 5-2-13

I hate technology.

No, really, I absolutely despise it. I would like nothing more than to take my computer and pitch it right out the window. I know that’s how the OS got its name, but really, if I wouldn’t have to pay to replace the window I would gladly sacrifice it.

Is there a reason for this sudden violent hatred?

Yes. There is.

We all know that Youtube is a social networking site whether it intends to be or not. It’s like deviantArt, and HubPages. Blogger. They’re all equally as much social sites as they are artistic sites.

Well, since I’m trying to whore myself out, I was going to kind of make audiobooks, and post them on Youtube. Maybe make a little money off the advertising, and definitely try to sell them as mp3s on itunes and what not. Why? Because we all need a little bit more money. (Yes, that makes me sound like a hack, and I will gladly accept that term so long as I can start putting bread onto my family’s table with my writing instead of flipping burgers.)

However, I’m having a problem with this brilliant plan. The microphone on my computer has disappeared, or fried, or some fucking thing because I can’t record audio. I made three videos last night, trying to get it to work. Tried configuring my microphone for an hour or two, and it just didn’t work. It’s saying it’s not there. I downloaded the latest drivers for microphones on vista, I uninstalled and reinstalled the equipment… none of it worked.

T.T

And, beyond that particular shit storm, today just sucked. Lots of emotional problems, ranging all up and down the line. This crap is really irritating, and I’m sure it’s driving Mel insane. I know it’s already driven me insane.

And, if I can’t get this touch pad to stop reading it when I hit it with the heel of my hand while typing, I think I’m going to breakdown and cry…again. I’ve thought about trying to deactivate it, but the problem with that is, I wouldn’t have a mouse. Mel’s using my wireless because hers shit the bed, and I just don’t have the money (see above) to get another one.

Just like not having the money to get a headset to use the microphone on my Youtube videos.

Sigh.

I guess I’m just going to have to suck it up, and pony up the cash for one or the other. (Probably the mic.) And, pray that the income from everything I’m trying is going to be enough to cover the loss. Right now I’m doubting it.

So, I’m going to go to bed. If I dream about computers at all, I’m going to scream, and throw things, and cry for an hour or so.

Something like that.

Ryan

PS: If anybody has the money for it, I would really love an Alienware desktop, or something from CyberPC aimed at gaming.

Journal 5-1-13

I should be in bed right now.

I know that you’re probably sitting in a sun filled kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee, while you’re wrapped up in your favorite white fluffy robe. (Yeah, you wish. :) )  But, anyway, you’re reading this long after I sat down to write it. And, it seems that I should be in bed, because I can’t seem to get what I’m thinking through my fingers and into the computer. The connections just aren’t being made.

Anyway, I don’t remember if I’ve posted recently (I think the last time I did was when I started walking), and thus you guys probably don’t know the big news. I finished In the Morning Light. I’ve said that at least twelve times since I finished typing it two days ago. There are still about five posts left I think. Maybe four. I dunno. Anyway, there have also been some big changes since then. (Not really, but I like pretending.)

I made a facebook page for myself. I made a profile for my cat, Button. And, I made a community page setting her up as The Dark One. Another fallen angel, Lucifer’s second actually, who went to the Greek Underworld, whipped the shit out of Hades, and took over Tartarus, The Infernal Prison. Now, she’s disguised herself as a calico kitten, and is here to claim as many souls for her prison and her army. She intends to add to her territory. She wants Hell. And, if you know anything about my cat, you probably suspect that I’m telling the truth here.

I don’t know if I told you, but I now have a HubPages account as well. This is me trying to generate a little money from my writing, so you will find essays, and short shorts, and things that actually try to improve a person’s ability to write. You know, stuff that I wouldn’t post here; mainly because it would make sense to post those sorts of things here. Meh.

Then there’s DeviantArt. I created a profile there a while ago, and only recently have I started to use it. Tonight in fact. I posted a little photo tour of my writing room. I also realized that I could literally do everything else that I’m doing on devArt. In fact, I could repeat myself on devArt, but I don’t believe I’m going to do that. I might do it with the fanfiction, but that’s about it.

I also have a channel on youtube that I’ve decided to start using. I think I’m going to do that tomorrow. Haven’t decided what I’m going to do with it though. I’m thinking, probably read some of my short stories, maybe some of the trunk novels, and try to sell them as mp3s. Yeah, I’m kind of whoring myself out.

I’m also thinking about starting my own business, but I’m not sure how that one will go. I’ll tell you more about it the next time I post.

I had more to mention, but I really can’t remember what it was.

Oh, right, tomorrow I’ll be printing out the second quarter of Cold Lunch and doing the line editing on it. That should only take a couple of days, then I’ll be back to work on it. Slugging my way through the third quarter. I’ve been away from it for too long.

As one final note… I’m sexy and I know it.

Ryan

Fanfiction Project In the Morning Light #11

Habit building.

Howdy folks, it’s me, once again, you can start to party now, or never fear because I’m going to do something. Yesterday, well the other day by the time you see it, was odd. I went to work, had a good-ish time at work (when do you ever have a really good time at work), and came home. I went for a walk. Came back to the house and sat down to do some writing, and my brain wasn’t agreeing with me. So, I got a page and a quarter written, and then stopped. I didn’t do anything else. I sat in my chair for like two hours not thinking, not writing, reading, nothing, it was a total zone out for me.

Today (yesterday), however, I was able to get much more done. I had a good day at work, I had a good walk, and I managed to write for almost four hours. True I only got the scene I was working on yesterday done, but the scene is done and that’s progress. Now, tomorrow, I will be working on the next to last scene of In the Morning Light, and I’m wondering if that’s why I zoned out so totally the other day. I don’t know what it’s like for other artists, but for me, and most writers that I know, it’s hard to complete a piece of fiction, anything of substantial length anyway. It’s kind of like post partum depression, I’d say, an empty hole in a part of you, that you know can never be filled. And, it’s strange for me. I didn’t think I’d feel that way about the ending of a fanfiction piece.

Anywho, that’s totally not what I wanted to talk about. Lol.

Yeah, I was going to talk about habit building. Like with the walk I was talking about earlier. For the last few days I’ve taken a walk at roughly the same time every day, and I will continue to do so until it is habit. I’m also going to try the same thing with my writing. Just trying to sit down every day at roughly the same time, and start writing. Then at the end of that session comes the blog post :)

So, if things work out well. And, I have no reason to believe they won’t, I’ll be talking to you all regularly. Like, every day kind of regularly. Lol.

And, that’s all from me.

Later kids.

Ryan

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Fanfiction project In the Morning Light #10

Disappearing Act.

Yeah, unfortunately I’m pretty good at those.

It has been over two months since I posted regularly, and I apologize for that. I don’t know if that means anything, as I have a tendency to apologize for just about everything. Though, I know some of my dedicated readers have missed it. At least my older sister did. Lol.

Other than all that I don’t know what to say about the situation. I’ll try to do better. Now that I have a stable-ish job, I’ll get off around the same time every day and I can start doing good habit things like working on the same thing around the same time every day.

Although, I can tell you that work was one of the main reasons I wasn’t posting. It’s not because my job is mentally hard (its McDonalds, I’m overqualified for the job) but because my job is very physically demanding. I know that sounds crazy. I mean it’s McDonalds, the first job most people have, lazy people, and high school kids. How can it be a physically demanding job? But, you have to realize that I work the grill. I’m making burgers all day, a basic back and forth motion, (which has proven to be a real pain in the back) and I get to truck the heavy boxes of meat around. I think the lightest box I deal with everyday is the bacon box. It’s maybe, three pounds. Not impressive, but when you compare it to the twenty-five/thirty pound nugget boxes, and don’t even ask what the regular patties and the quarter patties weigh. Then there’s the poor job some of our staff has at stocking the things in the freezer right.

Yeah, it’s a lot of fun to pull a box of French fries off a stack of twelve of them, which goes over your head by about five feet.

Anyway, I’m going to stop talking about McDonalds before someone tells them, and I get sued.

And, I would really guess that you would like to know about the good stuff. The writing!

I have….finished nothing.

Yeah, when I got to the end of the second quarter of Cold Lunch I started playing WOW again (World Of Warcraft), and that wound up dragging all of my time straight down the drain. And, my uncle died, and WOW became a safer place to be than my own thoughts. It still hurts to think about, but I have to move on.

So, I’ve gotten over the WOW hump and have been writing again, and I lied when I said I finished nothing. I finished Cold Lunch…the short story. Lol. I’ve been meaning to rewrite the short story that inspired the novel since I finished the first draft, and I used that as a spring board back into major writing. I’m thinking about maybe trying to get it published. It might help garner a sell on the book itself, and then help build some steam for the book. Basically, it will be good PR.

As for other PR things, I’ve been working on In the Morning Light, which a lot of people will be happy to see, considering I left them in the middle of a cliff hanger. Lol. But, part of that was intentional too: the cliff hanger part, which was already written in. The break from publishing it weekly was when I ran out of material, the middle of a big pit of depression.

There’s good news though.

I have four of the last eight scenes/chapters written. And, I think I might start reposting today. Or yesterday, considering I’ll have written this on Friday, and you won’t see it until Saturday.

Anywho, I’m going to hop off here. It’s time to get to bed. I’ve got work tomorrow.

Oh Joy! >.>

Ryan

And, as an advertisement, I’ve got the link to the new Chapter of In the Morning Light!

Journal, March 2, 2013

On February 26, 2013 the world lost a great man. My Uncle Larry died sixty-one years to the day; he died on his birthday and to me that sounds like a crappy birthday present , but he’s not in pain anymore. He had been fighting throat cancer for more than a year, and he was going to have a tracheotomy put in sometime next week. But, God knew that was the last thing he wanted to do. He’s smoked for years, and he said he didn’t want a trache.

And, now I feel  so bad, so guilty for what I’ve done over the last few years of his life. I had so many chances to get to know him, so many years to try and be a good nephew. And, now those chances are gone. I know the old phrase ‘you don’t know what you have until you lose it’, and it’s true. Every day, it’s true.

It hurts.

It hurts so bad, know that I could have been a better nephew, knowing what I could have done to be his friend, knowing that just once I could tell him I loved him. I’ve said that or even thought that, he was just a fixture in my life. I would go up to Grandma’s and I could find him sitting at the table on the chair closest to the door, or I’d find him in the living room, watching golf, football, or westerns. On nights when I would stay up at Grandma’s house at night I would see him moving around in the morning getting ready for work, and he was just always there. And, now he’s not, and knowing that hurts so much.

It’s like when my dog Sally died. She would always bark at me when I drug the lawn mower down to Uncle Kevin’s house. It took three days, it took me three days to know that it was real. Three days for me to drag the lawn mower down and listen to the emptiness coming from the kennel. And, it was like that this time too. I live three hours away, and know that he was gone was almost clinical, like it was just one more fact of life. But, it got real yesterday, and it was real today. Because I was here, I was here and the fixture my uncle had become in my life wasn’t. It doesn’t matter how many more dinners I have with my grandmother, he’s not going to be sitting down at the end of table anymore. Not eating his share of the cornbread and the green beans I turned my nose up at.

And, I can’t believe how much that hurts.

Everybody losses people in this world, it’s a fact of life. Everybody dies. But, I don’t think anybody knows how bad it’s going to hurt until it happens. I know I didn’t know how much it was going to hurt. And, when it came down to it, I realized I’ve never given him a Christmas present, I’ve never given him anything as much as I should have. So, when it came down to it I had to give him something. When me and my wife got together, even before we got married, she gave me her lucky coin, and today I gave him that coin. I put it in his hand so that he’d be able to hold on to it forever.

I pray that coin gives him luck across the river and all throughout the ever after.

I love you Uncle Larry. I love you so much. And, I wish I’d taken the time to tell you that in life.

In loving memory of Larry Neil Smith

Feb. 26, 1952-Feb. 26, 2013 

Cold Lunch progress journal #40

I gotta quit being so lazy about doing this.

Fun title, and it speaks the truth. I need to develop some discipline in my life. I have enough to sit down and actually write a novel, but I can’t remember to write a five hundred word blog post every day? Yeah, that’s retarded.

I don’t know, I’m sure I could make up excuses for the next two or three hours about why I don’t do it, but that time needs to be used for sleep, and I could just as easily write the blog post. And, writing the blog post would take about three times less time than it would to bitch about it.

And, as dumb as it sounds, I really won’t remember this tomorrow, and I’ll bitch about not getting things done the way I want them to be done. Still not realizing it takes less time to do it, than it does to bitch about it.

A good example about that is writing my novel. I’ll sit down and look at how many scenes I have left before I finish, and then I’ll do the math on how long it would take me to get it done if I did such and such number of Chapters a day. Then, I’ll bitch about how long that is, and how not having the novel finished is impeding me making money on the novel because it’s not out on the market. Then I’ll bitch about not having done it sooner.

And, God, just looking at this makes me angry. It’s so simple, and I don’t know why I can’t get that through my head. It’s just like the mahjong app I have on my iPad…

And, now it’s time for a great example. This blog post for instance. I meant to have it ready to post before I went to bed last night, and that didn’t happen. Although I have to admit it was almost one in the morning, and I had to get up for work at six. But, still, I should have had it done earlier. Much earlier.

Anywho, I’m going to check out and get my writing for the day done.

Peace.

Ryan

Stats:

                Snowflake Completion: Done

                Pages Written Today: 8

                Pages Written Total: 131

                Pages Typed Today: 13

                Pages Typed Total: 230

                Word Count Today: 3,857

                Word Count Total: 63,526

I think I’m going to play with the math on this one too. I’ve written 43 Chapters, and my estimation of those Chapters was roughly 1200 words. The actual average is 1477 words. If I do the math with that estimation the next half of the book would be 67,942. Adding those two totals together my book will be 131,468 words long. This is going to steam roll my goal of 110,000 words. And it will keep Cold Lunch as the longest book I’ve written to date

Cold Lunch project journal #30

A simple note about an idiot.

That’s the way I’ve felt today. Told you in the post yesterday that I wound up spending all night sitting up because of back pain, and I told you that I was going to go to the doctor today. Well, that didn’t happen. Instead, I laid back down after Mel got up to go to work, and before I laid down I set three alarms. I set three alarms. And, I slept through all of them. Well, not slept through. I woke up with each one, and closed my eyes for the five or ten more minutes the snooze button should give me. And, I did that right up until Mel got home. And, by that time it was too late to go to the doctor. So, yeah, felt like an idiot today.

What else to talk about?

Any clues?

I dunno, but I might wanna talk about the awesome progress I got on Cold Lunch. I actually wrote my quota today. A chapter/scene and a half. And, I got it typed. And, now I’m doing my blog post before I go and lay down for the night. Lol.

So, yeah, feeling like an idiot or not, I feel pretty damn good right now.

I am sad that my Zippo ran out of flint though. I need to buy some more, but I’m broke so that might not happen.

Also, I have good news that I don’t know if I talked about last night or not, and I’m too lazy to look. Basically, I’m going to have a stable schedule at work. 7-3 Thursday through Monday with Tuesday and Wednesday off. This schedule will also give me plenty of time to work in the evenings. And, by work I mean writing. That book deal looks like it’s getting closer and closer. Lol.

Anywho, I guess I’m going to go to bed now. I know this posts at like 7 in the morning, but it’s 11:30 right now, and I want to get as much sleep as possible before work. I don’t want to fall asleep on the grill and burn the hell out of my face. Later kids.

Ryan

Stats:

                Snowflake Completion: Done

                Pages Written Today: 5

                Pages Written Total: 76

                Pages Typed Today: 6

                Pages Typed Total: 135

                Word Count Today: 1,981

                Word Count Total: 36,441

Advertisement: Like Little Orphan Annie said, Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.

Cold Lunch project journal #29

In which I am productive.

Hey cats and kids, I’ve managed to be a little productive in the last couple of days. It’s not the level of productivity I want, but some productivity is better than none.

Anywho, over the last three days (today I haven’t actually written anything), I’ve managed to write three scenes, but I’ve only made progress of two scenes into the story. Basically, the first scene I wrote was utter trash, so I pitched it, and rewrote it, and I love the second version so much more. I also wrote the second scene of the new corner, and that scene wasn’t half bad at all. Lol. It does go along with my whole ‘everything I write should be better than what came before it’ policy. Which I believe I just made up on the spot, but it sounds good, so, I’ll run with it.

As for other news, I will be starting a regular schedule on Thursday, 7-3, and with that schedule I hope to get my writing schedule lined out as well. That way I can get back into the proper swing of production.

And, on top of all that, I think I’m sick. Joy. Going to the doctor tomorrow, (well today, seeing as I’m writing this at 3am), hopefully it won’t be the flu or anything like that. I don’t want to have to take sick time as soon as I start working. I know they can’t fire me for being sick, but I was just starting to feel good about making money again.

Also, I believe I’m going to ask if there’s anything they can do about my back pain. It gets worse every day, whether I’m working or not. Ibuprofen doesn’t touch it, and it’s really starting to interfere with my sleep schedule (hence the whole writing this at three am thing).

I start a lot of my blog post sentences with the letter A. I just noticed that, and I wonder if it’s a good or a bad thing. Shrug.

So, for now, I’m going to shut up, and see if I can get back to sleep.

Ryan

Stats:

                Snowflake Completion: Done

                Pages Written Today: 7

                Pages Written Total: 71

                Pages Typed Today: 9

                Pages Typed Total: 128

                Word Count Today: 2,703

                Word Count Total: 34,459

As for advertising, Taste the Rainbow.

Hiatus Journal #9

Happy Birthday to me.

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, remember it as it will one day be a national holiday celebrating the birth of the greatest novelist the world has ever seen. Lol. So, now that my ego’s been fueled, I guess we can get down to the serious hard hitting stuff.

I don’t really have anything to bitch about right now, other than being 27 and still not having a novel published. Though if there’s anybody to blame for that it’s me, myself, and I. I’ve not been very good about getting my work done, and I’ve been worse at getting second drafts done, and writing query letters, and just making sure my work is out where it could get published. Hell, the last thing I even tried to submit for publication was a little over two years ago I believe. And, that was just a short story. Only my first novel ever got fired off to the agent rounds, and it came back with several big fat nos.

So, I think I might have developed a fear of failure. Hell, I know I’ve developed a fear of failure. So, I don’t send my work out, and I don’t do the query letter thing, or the second draft thing, because I don’t want to sit and look at the piles and piles of rejection letters. I don’t want to be destroyed by the industry I love. But, that’s part of being a writer, part of being a professional author. Carrie went through what, sixty-two, sixty-three rejections before it found a home at Double Day. I’m not comparing myself to Stephen King, I’m just saying that even one of the bestselling novelists of all time has had his fair share of no’s.

And, my mentor, whom I need to email or call or something, says that maybe I’ve developed a fear of success. (Strange right?) She says that I’m the caliber of author that would only fail to be published because I didn’t try to sell my work. (I’m also the most prolific author she’s ever had come through one of her creative writing classes. I’m also the only student she’s ever had who wrote a whole novel. And, at the time of this writing I’ve completed six of them, not far enough into completion that they can be sold, however.) And, all of that is absolutely wonderful for my ego, but…

But…

I don’t know. I sit here, day after day, in my little writing corner, and I pretend I’m in a different world. Sometimes I’m running alongside a man who’s haunted by vampires and zombies. Other times I stand to the side of a dark elf wizard as he tries to save our world from ultimate destruction. And, then there are times, when I’m just a guy lost in a storm, and I’ve got a partner in crime on that last ride. And, I wonder, a lot, if anybody will ever read these stories, if anybody will ever put down one of my books, and not go to sleep because of the nightmares they know will come. Or cry at the end when the hero falls like Boromir at the beginning of The Two Towers.

Sometimes, I just don’t know if I’ve got what it takes to get published.

So much for a Happy Birthday post, huh?

As for the writing, I’ve done the line edits for the first 15 chapters of Cold Lunch. 8 left, then I’ll be back to working on the story itself. I’m beginning to wish that I’d just done the line edits either the day of or the day after typing the scenes. Would have made for much less work on my part. But then hindsight is always twenty-twenty.

As for the trunk novel I’ve written maybe two scenes of it since the last set of stats, and probably typed the same amount. So, the going is much slower than I want it to be. It always is.

Anywho, I’m checking out for the day. Talk at you kids later.

Ryan

Unnamed Trunk Novel

Stats:

                 Snowflake Completion: Done

                Pages Written Today: 2

                Pages Written Total: 104

                Pages Typed Today: 11

                Pages Typed Total: 49

                Word Count Today: 3,432

                Word Count Total: est. 36,000 (current typed: 13,695)

How many times must one pound their head against the wall to get some sleep?