Luke Skywalker

This man was my number one hero growing up. He was everything I wanted to be, and everything I felt I couldn't be.

He was the HERO of the series. It was his DESTINY to help the rebel alliance overthrow the evil Galactic Empire. It was his DESTINY to fight against the father who abandoned him as a babe. And, right there we cut a little too deep. Lol.

I have the greatest dad in the world. I really do. But, I don't know the man who donated his genetics for my existence. I know his name, but I've never seen him. I've never even seen a picture of him. I tell myself that's fine and dandy, that I don't need to know him or anything about him to know how well my life is going to turn out, but there's always that little voice in the back of my head. The one that whispers how unwanted I am.

I am wanted though. I am needed. By my mom, by the man I call dad, by my wife, and by every other member of my family. I am needed and I am happy.

I don't need to know a sperm donor to be happy.

So, back to Luke Skywalker...

I got nothing. Lol.

He's the first to become a Jedi after the bulk of the Jedi Order was obliterated by the Sith lord, Darth Sidious, at the end of the Clone Wars. He's trained by both Obi-wan Kenobi and Yoda, two of the primary figures in the Jedi Order, and they were the only ones to survive the culling of the Jedi.

Luke successfully uses the force to destroy the Death Star... and good God Almighty! After basically worshiping him through my early teens (I read my first Star Wars novel in the 6^th grade, and I'd seen the movies before that), you would think I'd have more to say about him.

He's a hero archetype, and one of the ones everyone wants to see. Luke Skywalker has nothing at the beginning of the story. Even the characters around him don't have any reason to find something special in him. This is part of the underdog, the unexpected hero. He's a regular Joe, so far as the casual movie goer cares to know. Then he's taken out of his natural environment and thrown into extraordinary circumstances.

That experience works to harden him, inside and out, as he goes through different trials. Luke is not the same Luke he was at the beginning of the story. He's not the same Luke that sneaked the droids past Stormtroopers. He's not the same Luke who rescued Princess Leia. He's not the same Luke as when Darth Vader murdered Obi-wan Kenobi. Each experience compounds on the last, driving him forward, until the moment when he destroys the first Death Star. That moment is when he stops being a child, when he stops relying on toys, and takes comfort in the power of the force.

Luke “becomes” a man when he chooses to use the force over the targeting computer. He grew because he stepped out of his comfort zone and realized, yes, I am small, but I destroyed the Death Star. I can take on the Empire. I can make a difference. That was the real climactic point in the movie. Not when the Death Star was destroyed, but when he relied on the force. The climactic point of both the inner struggle and the physical/exterior struggle should come at the same time for the greatest effect on the audience.

And, I don't remember what I was talking about now. I should really find some way to organize these things so they make more sense.

I dunno.

Ryan

6-17/18-14

Relationships in Dungeons and Dragons Part 2

If you missed it, here’s a link to Part 1.

I should have finished writing this yesterday instead of waiting. I don’t mean writing it all and posting it on one post, I just mean write out both parts of the post. I mainly wish that because I don’t know what to do right now, or how I should continue on with the topic. In fact, it’s very tempting to pick another topic and just skip over the rest of this one.

I don’t know why.

I’m tired is probably a poor excuse since I’ve taken like three naps today. and, me sitting here and thinking of reasons as to why I don’t want to write on this topic is just stalling.

I’m going to write it.

So, get on with it.

Yesterday we talked about how a relationship might work between a PC and an NPC. Today, I wanted to talk about PC to PC interactions.

This is a lot more complex than the former, as the number of added variables is almost infinite. While the interaction with an NPC is mechanical, the interaction between PCs is very fluid it’s literally one person interacting with another. (God, I use the word interacting a lot in that paragraph.)

Now, don’t get me wrong, the same rules that govern a NPC’s actions apply to PC interactions. So, let’s go back to our rogue.

The rogue has blamed the royal vizier for the theft of the crown jewels and got the man sentenced to death while the rogue sells the jewels on the black market. But, the rogue’s friend and fellow adventurer, a paladin in service to Sol, questions the rogue about the jewels.

Not the image I wanted, but my drawing skills are kind of lame. Lol. So, yeah, totally not my art work.

The rules at this point would once again pit the rogue’s bluff skill against the paladin’s sense motive skill, plus any truth spells the paladin might have in effect. A d20 roll would be used to settle the matter, and if it was an NPC thing the d20 roll would be it.

However, we’re talking about people here, sitting around a table. The paladin and the rogue are sitting at the table, and the paladin’s player knows that the rogue stole the jewels and is now selling them. So, we run into an impasse.

What should happen is the players follow along with what the rolls gave them: if the paladin rolled higher a higher score than the rogue spills, if the rogue rolled higher the paladin will know about as much as the king did. And, in my experience this is what happens, thankfully.

The other thing that could happen is an argument that spills out of the game and into reality, with players using their out of game knowledge to choose how their characters act and react. This is called metagaming and this is often a negative thing that DMs hate.

It really ruins the fun of the game for everybody.

And, my brain is stopping there.

Ryan

4-8-2014

PS: There might be more to the topic, I just can’t think right now. So, yeah… don’t know where I’m going.

Dire Cheshire Cat

The Cheshire cat is a wonderful agent of confusion in The Alice in Wonderland stories, and when I say stories I mean all of the ones that’ve been written, and filmed, animated, and played via video game. All those stories are based on the original story Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. Lewis Carroll is a pen name for the author Charles Lutwidge Dodgson. Why he wrote under a pen name I don’t know. Although his name is a pain to say. Anyway, we seem to be straying from the topic.

I’ve touched on the Cheshire cat, for a few moments at least. Now, I’ll discuss the dire.

Dire: means extremely serious or urgent, and Dungeons and Dragons takes this word and creates Dire Animals. Take a wolf, for example. It’s a pretty big threat as it stands, but take that wolf and make it the size of a horse… Yeah, now you’ve got a dire situation caused by an animal of unusual size.

And, D&D didn’t stop with just a dire wolf; they went and made a whole slew of animals dire, from bears and boars to dire rats and dire bats. They’ve gone and made the whole damn forest full of squirrels that could send men running and screaming out of the woods. And, that’s not that I’ve seen a dire squirrel in any of the rule books, but that doesn’t mean it’s not out there.

Fear the Dire Squirrel.

Anyway, back to the Cheshire cat. The cat according to D&D rules wouldn’t be so much and animal as it would be a magical beast. (Magical Beast is the type of animal that has features that can’t quite be explained by nature, such as an animal that can talk and disappear on command. Just because it’s a magical beast doesn’t mean it can’t be dire. I found a dire template somewhere, I just don’t remember where.

Anyway, to make a dire creature you increase its size. A Cheshire cat is a tiny creature, and I want to make it into a large animal. So, starting at Tiny our Cheshire cat has a strength of 3, moving it up to a small size would increase its strength by 4. So, at a small size Cheshire has a 7 in strength. Then we do it again. Moving Cheshire from small to medium adds another 4 points to str, for a total of 11, but that’s not the end of it. We want our Cheshire cat to be a large creature, and to get from medium to large she gains 8 more points in str, leaving her with a total of 19 points in str. This change also reduces her dexterity.

This makes our Cheshire cat unhappy, and quite ready to rend the flesh off of someone’s face. And, she can do it without ever having to worry about anybody seeing her doing it. Why? Because the Cheshire cat can make good use of the greater invisibility spell, and attack actions don’t cause her to lose her concealment.

And, I’m back to not understanding what my brain is trying to tell me. So, I’m gonna stop this here.

G’nite kids.

Ryan

3-9-14

I dunno.

Cupcake has had a hell of a rough week, and I’ve tried to stand by her as best I can. She lost her uncle on Monday, his wake was today, and his funeral is tomorrow, and it’s going to be rough. I know if I was in her shoes I would have broken down. But, she is so damn strong. So damn strong. I’m pretty sure one of my posts on here even goes to pointing out that she’s my hero, my favorite superhero, and the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me. So tonight, when she took a little longer than usual to answer my topic question, I asked if she wanted me to come up with one. She said yes. And, now, I have no idea what I’m going to talk about. Lol.

I could talk more about cupcake, but like I said, she’s the strong one in the relationship, and if I even tried to talk about the hurt she’s had to go through this week then I wouldn’t be able to type because of the tears. So, we’ll talk about something else.

A friend of mine, one of my Dungeon Crawlers, posted this chart on my facebook wall today. Now, I normally don’t pay attention to any of that. I might glance and see what it is, then forget it, but this one stuck out to me. Lol. I don’t know why. Anyway, my steampunk name turned out to be Lord Montague Septimus Wraithbottom, and looking at it now, I realized I did it wrong, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Lord Montague Septimus Wraithbottom, I love that name lol. I might take bottom out, but I’m definitely going to be using it somewhere. I’ve been looking for a name to attach to the lich I’ve got hanging around in Netheretia. I even got my Dungeon Crawlers to get their steampunk names (some of them have complied anyway, lol), and I plan on putting those to use as well. I’ll just have to see where things go, and what NPCs need names and how important they’re going to be when it comes to the story.

I dunno.

Another entertaining thing I thought about doing would be making Dungeons and Dragons version of Marvel and DC superheroes. The one that stands out the most for me right now, is Iron Man, probably because I see him as the easiest to translate. He would be the Iron Mage, a battle mage with levels in fighter, wizard, and technomancy wearing awesome ass full plate armor that might as well be a golem. I could take it even further though, and say he’s a clocknomancer. That’s not much different than a technomacer really, just my term for a tinker in my particular campaign setting. It’s a class that still needs to be built, but I believe it’s going to be a prestige class that would require the successful construction of a golem (an iron golem in particular) and the successful summoning of one of the Inevitables.

As you can see from the picture above, the Inevitables are a race of clockwork outsiders. So, to be a clocknomancer it would make sense for you to be study from the master craftsmanship of a race that is totally made up of what you want to construct. Or something like that.

I dunno.

I guess I’m just going to call it quits for the night. There’s going to be a lot to do tomorrow, and none of it’s going to be fun. So, keep me and cupcake in your thoughts and prayers. We really need some good juju sent our way.

Ryan

3-6-14

Werewolves

This is going to post on the 18^th, but I would like to note that it’s being written on the 17^th. It is the third post written on the 17^th, and any insanity that ensues from this point is not something I can be held responsible for. That is, if anything gets written beyond these three sentences, my brain seems to be in the mood to do very little. That’ probably a bad thing since I feel like I’ve got quite a bit of work to catch up on.

Oh my, we’re up to five sentences.

Anyway, on the other side of the planet is the moon, and the moon is something important to what we’re discussing. The title of the post is werewolves, so, naturally the topic is werewolves, and werewolves are governed by the moon.

I can honestly say that I have no idea why there is a connection between the two things. It could be that the full moon has always been associated with insanity, and that’s something I can attest to. I worked nightshift at Kroger, ten years ago at this point, and it was always on the full moon that the crazies came in. You get a higher percentage of drunks, stoners, druggies, you name it and people will take it to excess during the full moon.

That’s probably where the werewolf stories come from; people who went just a tad too far under the influence of the moon and potent drink. Maybe a bar fight got out of hand, and one man tore another’s throat out with his teeth. Maybe. I don’t know, and it’s really hard to tell.

Google might know, but that requires more movement and effort then I’m willing to put into it. It is something I’ll look up in the future, though. I’ve always found werewolves to be extremely interesting characters.

You have to wonder what’s going on in their mind during the transformation. Is it painful? Do they realize what they’ve become once the change is complete? Do they have control over what they’re doing? A lot of people would answer yes, no, no, and that’s not something I’m going to argue with. The way it’s depicted in the media and entertainment industry, transforming into a werewolf is an obscenely painful experience, and it’s a total Jekyll and Hyde effect on their personality. The wolf is instinct in its purest form (some would even say it epitomizes the anger and rage spectrums of emotion) and the beast is going to act solely based on those principles. Again, I could see it.

It also leaves the victim conflicted. They wake up in strange places, covered in blood, and with maddening dreams dancing behind their eyes. They don’t know if what they’ve done is real or if it’s a horrible hallucination. Their own instincts, however, point towards the reality of the situation.

And, that is one sort of story I like to tell. It’s the sort of story where a person not only has to find themselves, but to deal with the monsters hiding in the shadow of their hearts. I can relate to it, and I think anybody with any sort of illness can relate to it. Why me? Why am I doing these things? What’s happening to me? These are just a few questions one inflicted with lycanthrope might ask.

I don’t know if I’m making sense at all.

But…

I think it’s time to look at werewolves in relation to my Dungeons and Dragons game.

If we want to look at the broader spectrum of lycanthrope then I can say my PCs are currently embroiled in a conflict filled with wererats. Yes, people who turn into rats after being bitten by rats. I’m not sure what’s worse, thought. Being bitten by a rat and becoming a wererat, or getting bitten by a rat and contracting the Black Death. I think I might be ok with a permanent craving for cheese if I get to live without the horrid pain of the bubonic plague.

As for werewolves, I’m not sure yet. I’m sure I’ll find some way to include them in the story, but now is not the time for that.

Other were-creatures I’m considering are wereturkeys. I’ve got an idea for a holiday themed adventure locked away inside me brain, and wereturkeys are probably the most entertaining thing about it. Lol.

I guess that’s better than a wereduck though.

Anywho, I’m out. Later kids.

Ryan

2-17-14

Clowns

I feel like I should be writing this post in multi colored ink. Sadly, it’s been a long time since I’ve had one of those gel multi colored pens. And… my brain stopped, dead in its tracks. It doesn’t want to discuss this topic. Clowns are the bane of mortal existence.

Like it’s really fighting it.

Why won’t the brightly colored costumes go away?

No more pom-pom buttons. No more. Please. I beg of you. I swear I’ll never watch Killer Klowns from Outer Space after dark again. I promise!

Yeah, brains still not feeling this.

It makes me upset. I usually have so much fun writing these, so I don’t know why my forehead is so thick right now. I really just want to go to bed. Yes, that would be very nice.

It’s still too early for bed, though. And, there are still several things on the “to do” list. I need to get them done before bed. Yes. Yes, I do.

Does it ever feel like you’re trying to convince yourself to do something? It feels that way for me, all the time. I always need to coax myself to actually get anything done. Like right now. Mentally, I’m fighting a war with myself, trying and trying to turn the wheels towards the topic Cupcake gave me.

Yes.

Cupcake gave me clowns as a subject. I hate her for this. Lol. Though, I did manage to pay her back… a little. I implied there might be a clown zombie drider (half drow half spider) thing named Pennywise appearing in the next few adventures. It would be just a little bit of everything my Cupcake hates and fears, and it would be glorious.

Lol.

And, now, I’m wondering what sort of stats would Pennywise (the supernatural antagonist in Stephen King’s It) have?

The way he’s described, Pennywise would be a sort of god-like character. Like Cthulhu from the Lovecraft stories, giving stats to that beast would be like taking God (the real God from the Jewish, Christian, and Islamic faiths) and giving him stats. How can you do it? Where do you start? Is there a beginning to his power? An end?

I’ve made gods before (in regards to a Dungeons & Dragons pantheon for my game), and some of them are so powerful they could peel the universe apart like an orange, but that’s a whole different level of being. There’s no way to get it on paper.

And, I got all this from the topic of clowns. And, I thought the most interesting thing I’d mention would be the zombie clown from Zombieland.

Or, maybe the Joker.

And, for shits and giggles I’ll mention Killer Klowns from Outer Space again.

But, the point of the whole thing is simple. Clowns are terrifying…

That is all.

-HONK-

Ryan

2-3-14

Velvet

Cupcake gave me velvet as my topic for the day. And, my brain just shorted out. This early in the blog post is probably a bad sign. I’m just not sure about it though. I did decide to write the post in red ink though, comparing it somewhat to a red velvet cake. And, yeah, cake is the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the word velvet.

I know velvet is a type of fabric, a very soft fabric with a nice smooth feel to it. On the outside at least. I’ve always found the inside of the garment to be itchy and unpleasant. And, I think it looks like of like a very miniature type of carpet with little threads standing up off of it like fur. I could be thinking of a different type of fabric altogether.

What else is there to say?

I think I’ve heard the phrase “an iron fist in a velvet glove” or something along those lines. Interpreted I believe this you can be a dictator, but don’t be a dick about it. And, I’ve sort of taken that to heart. Not that I’m a dictator or anything (my dnd group might say differently), but in the creation of a villain for one of my stories.

His name is Malak of Thrace and he’s everybody’s favorite dictator. He was the last king of Atlantis and came to power much the same way Ceasar took Rome. The public loved him, couldn’t get enough of him, and though he was very charismatic his mortal form was designed to look weak and submissive. Naturally, it was a disguise that suited his purposes. And, through all the smoke and mirrors he used, things were going to hell. He was single handedly responsible for the eradication of the dwarven race (at least in our world) and…

I’m handing out plot bunnies again.

Damnit.

So, back to velvet. Red velvet. I want cake. But, that means I’d have to get up, drive all the way out to walmart, get the cake mix, drive back, mix it, bake it, and let it cool, and that just sounds like too much work. I would greatly appreciate it.

But, what else was I talking about?

I don’t know.

My brain sort of turned off again.

It dose that from time to time, which is probably…

I did it again.

There might have been some mention of my DnD game as that is what seems to be missing from this post.

My players pointed out yesterday how close my monster choices are to minecraft. It was funny, and it made me a bit cranky at the same time. There aren’t a lot of monster options when your PCs are first level. I guess I’ll just have to throw them up against an Umber Hulk next.

Try to connect that to minecraft :P

Ryan

2-2-14

Yarn

So, earlier today, I sat down to write my blog post. It was a post about yarn. Well, it was supposed to be a post about yarn. What it turned into is not something I want to go through again. So, we’ll go back to the original topic.

Yarn. What is it?

Google defines Yarn in two ways. First it says that yarn is a spun thread that is used in knitting, weaving, or sewing. And, second it describes yarn as a long or rambling implausible story. I agree with both statements.

In a way, I’ve been obsessed with yarn for the last few years. While I was still in college, (taking weaving classes at the time, I believe) I came up with the idea of working with yarn professionally. Basically running my own little internet store, where people could come and commission different types of yarn based products (so long as they didn’t involve knitting) and I would satisfy that commission to the best of my ability. I’m actually rather good at crocheting, and I can weave some… though it’s been a long time. And, it’s still something I think about doing.

Just a fun little on the side business where I make blue and black scarves for Mingo Central’s football games for just a tiny bit of profit. Or do a series of blankets/afghans/something big and sell them on ebay or what not. But, I’ve never done that. I think it’s because I’m not that dedicated to the idea of the yarn business. It’s just not something I see putting my whole life into.

But, in a way it is.

I want to write stories for a living. I want to look into my dreams and show the people the magic that hides right behind the clouds on the bright sunshiny day. I want to show them the terror in the bent broken tree with its shadow crawling across the courtyard… getting ever closer to your shoe… I wonder what would happen… (I just got chills. lol) And, now I want to keep going with that idea. Lol.

I want to write yarns. I want my stories, as improbable as they might be, I want to see them spread far and wide. I do want to dedicate my life to yarn. And, I guess today is as good a day as any to do it.

For the last 8 years my New Year’s Resolution has been the same thing. I want to get a book published. I want to get a book published. I want to get a book published. I’m going to stop wanting this year. I’m going to stop failing at that one little resolution. I’m going to be a published author by the end of 2014 if it kills me. I might not be making my money living off of what I write, but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to supplement my income in just that fashion.

And, this still isn’t the fun, lighthearted post I wanted it to be. It’s serious, and it’s one of those breaking point moments. They’ve come this far and no farther, and all that hubbub. (I think that’s from Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers… it might also be 300… not sure which.) The point I’m trying to make though, is that I am admitting I have a problem. I am not a published author. I want to be a published author. And, today is the day where I finally dedicate myself towards pushing for that goal. Today I shall stand in front of the great beast and cry YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!

I hope some of Mel’s students are reading this. Because that’s exactly what she says about you :P Lol. Just kidding. She loves ya just as much as she loves me… and that’s saying something because I go out of my way to annoy the crap out of her.

My brain got lost somewhere in there. But, yes. This is a public declaration of my goals. My goal for the year of 2014, become a published author. I would like to say that’s my goal for the next three months, but I think it’s going to take a wee bit longer than that to get my book ready to go. So, I’ll start work on it as soon as I get off work tomorrow, and you’ll get a daily update of when it’s going to be ready. J

And… now I have to remind you that I’m also writing a D&D adventure, and that might take some precedence, since the group expects me to have new stuff for them to do every week. But, I will dedicate some of my time to my novel. I promise.

On that note, I’m going to say anywho, because I don’t think I used it anywhere else in the post, and I’m going to let you all go for the day.

Later kids.

Ryan

1-25-14

Random Topic #1

I don’t know what it is. Lol.

Today is one of those days where I need Mel’s brain to pick things out for me. But, she’s not here today. They cancelled school, but had a Code W (in Mingo County it’s a Code W, I don’t know what it is elsewhere) which means students aren’t going to be there, but teachers have to report. And, I don’t get it. Teachers are paid to teach, if there are no students there why do the teachers need to be there. It’s like having a full staff at McDonalds, but the stores closed and there’s not a customer in sight. It just doesn’t make sense. I dunno, it’s probably got something to do with them being on salary or some shit like that.

Also, my walk for the day was screwed up because of the Code W. Normally, I do laps around the elementary school, which is right beside my house. I do my laps when nobody’s there. Because of the Code W there were people there. Grump.

So, I had to take another route, which screwed with my normal shebang and messed up my pedometer reading because of all the snow I had to trudge through. I really need to start getting up early enough to get the mud room warmed up. Then I can use the treadmill for my walk. And, at the very least I could just do laps in there. I dunno.

And, now I’m running out of things to talk about. My brain and I aren’t getting along well at the moment.

Usually, by this point I’ve managed to find a way to include some Dungeons and Dragons reference in the post. Or I’ll swing the post around to being about D&D altogether, and I think we’re going to go that direction today too. But, we’re going to throw a little Minecraft in there as well.

I’m lazy, and I’ve been trying to figure out what my world looks like. I’ve looked online for map making software, specifically for gaming purposes, but most of it was expensive and I’m not sure if it was for gaming or not. So, I had no luck there.

Then I started playing Minecraft, and I realized that Minecraft is pretty much a random map generator. There are also addons/mods/whatever that give you a world map. I used Amidst, and I think I’ve got a pretty good idea of what my world looks like now.

Now, I’m just trying to figure out how the stories I’ve made up thus far and their locations fit in with the map. I’m not sure yet, but I’ll figure it out. I know that the world spawn is going to be the location of the world’s largest city, Priasez. And, I’ve more or less picked out a location for the current city the PCs are in (Netheretia). I’ve even gone so far as to “clear” out a space to build this particular city.

Netheretia is a city situated in the Underhaven (underground) which is why the hole goes so deep. That and I really like blowing things up. Though clearing out all the left over bits and pieces is hard; that and cleaning up the lava and other things. It’s time consuming… (And, the destruction pictured above is much more widespread then what the screen capture encompasses.)

Which is something I dislike. I’m lazy and I’m impatient. I don’t want to worry about all this clean up, I want my city done now! I don’t even want to build it myself. I want it to appear all on its own. Though that’s probably about as likely as a million dollars suddenly materializing in my bank account.

Anywho, that’s more than enough out of me. Later kids.

Ryan

1-24-14

Puppies

This post will probably not mention puppies at all, so… we’ll leave it at that.

What today’s post is going to be about is my ability to be a douche bag (pardon the language). I’ve had a semi-crappy semi-not-crappy semi-cranky day. It’s been weird. I really don’t know what to say abou tit.

I had to work today, that much I can tell you, and working interfered with me walking earlier in the day. I did do my walk at Walmart when I got out of work, but I think that set me off kilter to start with. It’s insane, but in those two days I got used to doing my walk when I woke up, took Erik to work, and what not, then going on with the rest of my day. And, just having to work today threw me off. I really gotta get my shit straight.

So, the walk was late, The Goal That Shall Not Be Named was later, and once again, I’m sitting here at 10:30 pm trying to get a blog post written. I’m still not sure what the post’s topic ought to be.

I could actually write about puppies… now that I’m done whining about how life didn’t work out the way I wanted it too. And, the real good answer to that, the one I need to hear is boo hoo, get used to it. If you want to make something of yourself in life, or try to change something about your life, sitting around and complaining about it isn’t going to get anything done.

My wife and I had a long talk about that, and I came to the same conclusion I’ve always come too. I need to change, I need to put forward the effort required to turn my life around. And, I need to follow through with it. Making plans have always been easy for me, it’s the follow through that kills me.

And, still, there isn’t any actual mention of puppies.

I liked the result I got when I started posting my walk stats and what not on Facebook. I’ve been a little dismayed that those are becoming fewer and fewer, but I’m the only person who can change that. What I’m trying to get at though, is being held publicly accountable for my actions. I liked that. And, I liked the overwhelmingly positive response I got from it right there in the beginning.

There might be a correlation between that tapering off and the number of days I go between posting stats. Maybe. Or maybe Facebook is a bitch. Either way…

Puppies are awesome!

What I’m going to try to do is shoulder a little bit heavier of a load than I have been. Mel’s had to carry too much of the weight for far too long. I need to get serious.

I’ve been looking at doing freelance writing work, and looking at revenue sharing websites (you’ve noticed the ads I believe) and I need to get serious if I’m going to turn this into a form of income.

First, I need to learn SEO (Search Engine Optimization is what that stands for… I believe) and I need to learn some tricks about getting more traffic to my pages. I’ll google how to do that tomorrow, I’m about to doze off right now. And, there’s a lot more I need to look into learning, but we’ll start with SEO and traffic tips first.

G’nite kids.

Ryan

Instruments of Torture

This would be so much more fun if I was actually talking about medieval torture devices. But, I’m not. Instead I’m going to bitch about the way my head works.

It’s 10 or 11 pm right now, it’s been a little while since I looked at a clock, and once again this is the time of day I decide to start writing my blog and possibly working on my adventure, depending  on my level of consciousness. Now with getting this done, I’ve had all day. All day! I had from 8 am, shortly before actually, when I got up till whatever time it is right now to work on my things to do. And, I did get some of them marked out. I added laundry and littler to the list (and trash, which I will rush and do when I get done writing this), and I got those marked off. I got my walk marked off by five o’clock, and The Goal That Shall Not Be Named was done by nine o’clock. And, once again, I didn’t post my stats.

Great God Almighty!

I’m frustrated with this. Very, very frustrated. I mean I don’t get it. What I want to do is simple, and done in a simple pattern.

1. Walk
2. The Goal That Shall Not Be Named
3. Blog
4. Stats
5. Whatever else there is to do

I want to do them one right after the other. Mark them off the board just as fast as I can, but it hasn’t worked like that. And, I don’t know why!

Sorry, I’m letting this crap control me right now, but I don’t know what else to do. I need to vent just as much as anybody else. And, I need to learn to stay away from the computer. Lol. I’m not blaming the computer. The computer is an inanimate object, and the only thing it can do is enable my brain’s desire to screw up what I want to get done.

Blargh!!!

I don’t know.

I need to put a wall clock in here, something easy to look at so I don’t have to get up to look at the computer. I also need to put my planner in a more predominate location, that way seeing it should act as a reminder of the things I’ve got to do. That’s the thought anyway. It was the thought behind the dry erase board, but they both feel like bad decisions now. I must add them to the list of things that depress me.

Good Lord Almighty!

Anyway, I’m going to stop putting you through this right now. And, I swear, I will soon have a list of random topics that will have nothing to do with my bitch fit. Although, I can’t guarantee that the bitch fits won’t spill over into my blog posts.

Anywho… later taters.

Ryan

PS: There will be a second post today, coming out not long after this one. It’s my stats for the last week or so. I don’t want to post all that in my status on facebook. So, yeah, it’ll be here.

Journal 7-21-13

Ladies and gentlemen...

It has happened! 

I'm finally working on Cold Lunch again! It's about damn time, huh? Lol.

And now I can't think of anything to write about. Must of done too much work already. Lol.

Anyway, not too much has changed. The house is still a work in progress. And, I still can't think of anything to write about.

Soooo, yeah. I'm going to check out for the night.

Sorry I crapped out today. Lol.

Ryan

Journal 7-3-13

Wiped.

I am wiped out ladies and gentlemen. It is ten till one while I'm writing this, and yes, my a double s is about to go to sleep. But, like I said in yesterday's post, I really do need to set these up to post before I go to bed. I find I get the most consistent views when I post consistently everyday, and at the same time everyday. It just seems to work out.

Anyway, today was another fun filled day. I had a doc appointment, took care of that, I got to fight with the telephone people for an hour, trying to get them to change the installation date for our services. They wouldn't let me make the changes as my name wasn't on the account. Mel got that taken care of though. Now, all I need to do is call them and get them to change the address of where they're coming to install the new services. We didn't have the correct address when we set the appointment up.

As for the rest of the day, it was spent up at the new place trying to get it ready. We put the first coat of paint up in the writing room. I meant to take pictures to post, but I'll get them up tomorrow. It looks good, and it will look better after we get the second coat up. Then we can take the painter's tape off, and you can see how the white stands out against the blue. It's going to look awesome.

On a similar note, I also kind of find myself in freak out mode, even though I know that I shouldn't be freaking out. We're supposed to be out of our current rental property by the 14th, and I wanted to get moved out by the 5th. It's not going to happen. Anyway, I've been upset, and generating this all by myself, because we haven't been able to get to move our stuff from one property to the other. And, that is the reason I took this week off, so that I would have time, and energy, to get stuff moved and the old trailer cleaned up as best we can.

So, yeah, I worked myself up into a tizzy, and now my headaches in ways it shouldn't (part of that might be the paint fumes though). And, I know everybody else is right not to worry. It's only going to take a couple of days to get our stuff moved over, and then maybe a good day or so to get the old property cleaned up. So, yes, I need to chill. I just find it hard to do.

I feel bad. Not because of the freak out or anything like that. I feel bad because I haven't been keeping up with my Things To Do list. I haven't been taking my walk, and I've been slacking in the hygiene department (gross I know). Really the only thing I've kept up with is my blog. And, that might be because it's kind of cathartic, a good sort of daily purge, in trying to keep my sanity. What little of it might be left.

And, I've been slacking off on my hubpages stuff as well. I've wanted to be able to do one a day, but I've done one and a quarter since Saturday. I know it's because I've had other things to do, and I can rationalize it like that, but there's this nagging little voice inside my head going on and on about it. "You're wasting time." "How are you ever going to make this a day job?" "No Hub, no money." Not exactly thoughts that well defined, but pretty damn close. And, there's another one too, one that goes on even when I'm getting the Hub's done, like last week. "When are you going to do some creative writing?" "You still have to finish Cold Lunch." "What about that short story you were going to submit?" "Or the one you haven't finished writing? The one about the gnome." "And, those two novellas you were going to do for HubPages, where are they?" "And, your DnD adventure. You're putting a group together, so don't you need to have something for them to do when they're ready to play?" (That one is really that well defined.) And, it goes on and on, forever and ever, and I don't know how to shut it up. If I do creative writing, something else suffers. The painting doesn't get done. Or the Hubs don't get done. Or I don't get enough sleep. These negative little voices are chitter chattering all the time, and I don't know how to please them. It's no wonder I'm in freak out mode. I can't get any peace! Lol.

Yeah, I don't know. I think I'm just going to go to sleep for now, and try to figure out something to do with those problems later.

Yes, sleep is a good idea.

Talk to you kids later.

Ryan

Journal: 6-24-13

So, I almost wrote fourteen instead of thirteen for the year, and I was like, why in gods name do I want it to be a year from now!?! I mean, I'd be okay with it, if at that point in time, I was a full-time freelance/blogger/novelist/writer thing. Yup. That would be okay with me.

But, there are a lot of changes that are going to occur in the next twelve months, hell, I literally won't be sitting where I'm sitting at right now this time next month.

We're moving, the first of the changes I suspect. And, within the coming month (by July 14th to be exact) we have to be in our new place. Which shouldn't be hard. It's literally on the same property we're on. It's just owned by a much nicer landlady. She's been renovating this thing for a while, since she got her modular home in back in December. And, the work is now at its apogee. just a few more things, and the house will be livable. There will be a few things that will have to be done after we move in, such as painting, and kitchen cabinets, and... I think those are the only two actually. But, yeah, it's pretty much done.

The other change I'm sensing on the wind is my job. I plan on, within the next couple of weeks, to have a better job, either in travel time, meaning less money spent on gas, or a job that pays more than what I make right now.

And, of course, I'm going to continue to try and figure out how to make money online with my own writing. HubPages is just the tip of the ice burg. I need to find out how it ticks, then I'll take that information to another site that's similar in nature. And, another. And, another. And, another. I might monetize here, and do things a wee bit differently. I don't want to get rid of these posts. I like the here's what I did today posts that I do. The little posts that make it feel like I journal. But, what I might do is monetize the blog, and begin posting things like my fiction and fanfiction and what not on here. I don't know yet, though.

If I did try to turn this into a money making machine, what would you all suggest?

• Keep the blog as is, just add ads to it.
• Make a new blog, one for fiction, fanfiction, and advertisements while leaving this one alone.
• Add what you want, and try to use the pages system to make navigating the site a little bit more easy.
• Talk to Kristen about getting my WordPress website going, then worry about monetizing that site. Or something like that.

Yeah, I really don't know. Its frustrating. And, I'm not very good at this.

I need to do some research on this type of career, and see how other people pull it off before I get myself in way too deep.

Anywho, good night.

Ryan