I’ve had a real strange desire today, ever since I got finished with
The Goal That Shall Not Be Named. I’ve wanted to watch the movie Steel, and I
can’t figure out why. It’s a terrible movie, an absolutely terrible movie that
should have never left the first draft of the screenplay, but it did, and I’m
now completely allowed to make fun of it.
Steel is a superhero move (the worst one in my opinion, though
Spider-Man 3 comes pretty close) based on the character John Henry Irons from
the DC comics of the same name, well, I think the comic was called Man of Steel, I don’t know. Irons became
a hero in much the same way Tony Stark did. His technology was turned around
and used against him, and continently enough this is right around the time
Superman was killed by the monster Doomsday. Irons felt it was his
responsibility as a genius inventor to step in and take Supes place. He made himself
a suit of armor (similar to Iron Man’s) put Superman’s S-shield on it, grabbed
a cape and went skyward with his mission.
I became a fan of John Henry Irons, not after watching Steel in the
late nineties, but while I was in high school and when I first encountered the novelized
form of The Death of Superman, the
book’s title, if anybody’s curious, is The
Death and Life of Superman (look it up, it’s a good read), and in the
latter half of that book (during the Reign
of the Supermen arc) is where I was exposed to Irons.
And, that’s where my brain stopped. I was trying to think about the
good qualities of John Henry Irons, the qualities that make him a relatable
character, but then I get stuck on Shaq who played Irons like he was a teddy
bear and all around boy scout. You know, a character that would be very similar
to Clark/Superman and yeah, that works for Supes, that’s his character and it always
has been (if you ignore Man of Steel,
and I try too). But, that doesn’t mean it works for every superhero. I mean
look at Spiderman, his life is shit 99% of the time and that makes him a
relatable character. Bruce Wayne is relatable, not because we’re all
billionaires who run around at night in tight black spandex, but because he’s a
tragic figure. His parents were murdered in front of him when he was a child,
and we can relate to that because it makes us ask the question what would
happen if my parents died; what would I do. And, if you answer is to dress up
in black spandex and run around at night then you probably need to see a
therapist.
But, there’s nothing to relate to John Henry Irons, no so far as I can
remember. He’s a boy scout who sees somebody using his mistake and immediately
jumps to the I need to be a superhero thing to stop this. There doesn’t seem to
be any catalyst to it. Nothing to give him that tragic relatable edge. I dunno.
I do think they should make another Steel movie, with today’s CGI it
would be epic, and if they got the right writer (kind of pointing at myself
here) then the movie would be just as successful as its Marvel counterpart,
Iron Man. Of course… there might also be some legal trouble there. Not sure.
Anywho, I’m off into the wild blue yonder.
Ryan
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