Procrastination

It’s going on midnight as I’m writing this. My eyelids are drooping from my sleep meds and I’m wondering why didn’t I do this earlier?

Is it because I’m lazy, and can’t operate under any sort of situation unless it’s the last few minutes of work time? You know, crunch time, when shit gets real and college kids wet themselves because finals have rolled around and they’re not ready. Yeah, I wonder if that’s the answer…

Or could it be that procrastination is a new art form, and I’m some sort of Mozart? My genius shows in everything I don’t do…

Yeah, I’d like to say neither. I really don’t want it to be the first option, but recently that feels like it’s become the norm. I mean for the last three or four game sessions I’ve never had my work materials ready. I didn’t have anything written for the game and didn’t write anything until about an hour before hand. I told Mel that if I was getting paid to do this I’d be out of a job.

Yes, that’s negative, but it’s the God’s honest truth. And, to take it one step further (going borderline self-deprecating) I dropped the ball last week. I meant to put in the time to get articles written and posted on a few revenue sharing websites. Maybe even seek out a couple of articles I could have written for a magazine or some such thing; a little review or something maybe. I don’t know, just something to put money in our pockets.

I didn’t get anything like that done. Not entirely true, I got one article done for HubPages, and I think it’s got sixteen view since I posted it. (Creepy update: my article had exactly 16 views when I checked it right after writing this article…) Yeah, that’s really making me a lot of money.

And, now I’ve stepped off the cliff into full on self-deprecating mode. I don’t want to do this. There’s no reason to beat myself up. There’s nothing positive to it.

What I need to do now is look for the positive in the things I’ve done. I’ve procrastinated, yes, but what did get written was still good material, it was still proof that I can do this. As for the articles… oh well, I missed the opportunity, but I can see it coming around again. The websites I’m looking at haven’t dropped off the face of the internet, so if I feel the need too I can write all those articles this week.

How does this relate to procrastination? It’s all part of learning a lesson about how I should look at what’s going on and manage my time so that I get the things I need to do done. It teaches me I need a little more focus.

Some of those might sound negative. I don’t see them that way, though. I see them as positive lessons pushing me a little bit closer to the day when I’ve got my shit straightened out.

And, being able to look at it like this is another step in that direction. All I can say now is I will do better tomorrow.

And… I’m going to bed.

Sleep is good.

Ryan