Journal 6-4-13

Bam. Bam. Bam.

Ladies and gentlemen, I managed to do all of the items on my things to do list, one right after the other today. This makes me feel accomplished.

Other than that, today was uneventful and kind of shitty at the same time. Still on an emotional rollercoaster I suppose.

Basically, I want to go to the beach, and once again, we can’t afford to go to the beach.

It really shouldn’t be a surprise to me, as I don’t have a job that makes any kind of money at all, let alone one that gives paid vacations. So, yeah, hanging the whole zero trips to the beach thing on my head. I usually do, and if I’d made other choices, realized things sooner, and got my shit straight, then we wouldn’t be in this position. We wouldn’t have been in this position ever, and we could have been going to the beach all this time.

Paid vacations…

Good paychecks…

I’m just a wonderful ball of happy today, aren’t I?

Anyway, I’m not sure I’ve got anything positive to talk about at all today…

I have been helping with the trailer that we’re going to move into, and I got to rip carpet up today. Lol. It’s a good stress reliever. Giving one hard yank after the other, and it’s a good thing to do to keep your mind busy instead of letting it wander. I’ll probably be doing something similar tomorrow. Honestly, I like it; I’d rather be doing this and working towards getting our new place ready, then sitting in the dark feeling sorry for myself. It’s healthier.

As for other fun things: I want to throw my computer through a window. The overheating issues have returned, and I can’t get more than ten or fifteen minutes of game play out of it before it goes down. I need to get one of those cans of air, but I really don’t feel like driving to Walmart tonight.

And, there’s my story. My super blockbuster Star Trek story, I still haven’t thought of anything (other than a few small bits, here and there) but I have no idea if it will do any good at all when trying to introduce Star Trek to a new audience.

Blah.

Also, I don’t know why I’m worried about getting the Star Trek script/story written. I haven’t done anything at all to finish Cold Lunch. Seriously, it’s been what, three weeks since I posted PJ# 40. I should have had the third quarter finished by now. And, I should be about ready to start on the fourth. Oh good lord, I hate this crap.

Anywho, I’m going to stop whining, and go and do something productive. Maybe.

Ryan

PS: I made a page to keep my HubPages links on. Check it out, and check out my Hubs :) There isn’t nearly as much whining there as there is here. Lol.

Journal 6-03-13

Ladies and gentlemen…

Please forgive the interruption in our programming as of late. The writer has been under the weather (he still is, but at least now he has an umbrella), and has not been able to do much of anything besides sleep. He didn’t get any of his list of things to do done over the weekend. So, he is upset right now.

And, I think I’ll stop talking in the third person there. It’s kind of creepy.

Anyway, for one reason or another, I’ve had a shitty weekend. Physically, emotionally, and mentally.  Between a headache that’s lasted for the last three days, a getting sick to my stomach due to the weather (and the fucking grill at work), my nerves have been frayed to the breaking point. I counted four times today where my mouth almost broke loose; four times I nearly lost my job, today. Yesterday was worse. Thankfully, I am still employed, and impressed by my self control.

But, I’ve been an emotional wreck, probably caused by the constant seesawing of the headache and the stomach problems along with the irritation. I’ve been in the dumps today, dragging, and just wanting to curl up in a corner.

I don’t know sometimes.

Anyway, I’m sure you don’t want to listen to me bitch for the entire length of this blog post, so I’ll find something else entertaining to talk about…

How about the new Star Trek movie?

Anybody seen Star Trek Into Darkness?

I saw it, I liked it, but I thought it was kind of generic. Super terrorist, (SPOILER ALERT!!!) Kahn Noonien Singh, is attacking Starfleet and threatening the lives of all those living on the planet Earth; he starts blowing shit up, and the crew of the USS Enterprise gives chase. There are more explosions, impassioned shouting, space fights, sacrificial acts of heroism, and in the end the bad guy was caught and the world was saved.

If I took out the part about Kahn and Starfleet, you probably wouldn’t have been able to tell if I was talking about Iron Man 3, or hell, pretty much any other “blockbuster” this year. That’s why I said it was generic.

And, that bugs me.

Star Trek shouldn’t be generic.

So, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking since I saw the movie (probably about two weeks ago now), and wondering how I could go about breathing new life into Star Trek, turning it into the blockbuster JJ Abrams, Paramount, and by extension, CBS, want the series to be. I’d also like to see another television show launched, as I feel TV is the true medium for Star Trek. It’s where they found all of their original success.

Now, I’m pretty sure I could come up with a badass story involving the crew of the Enterprise and probably some new crew for another ship for the new television series (see the work I’m doing for Assimilation Nation on HubPages, and The Black Hole’s Teeth on Fanfiction.net), but there are a number of problems I can foresee, and probably a million others I can’t.

1.       Don’t know how to write a script

2.       Not sure what’s popular with the 18-25 demographic

3.       Not sure what age range I should aim for

4.       No idea how to write a script

5.       No idea how to plan out a television show

6.       No idea how to write a script for said television show

I could probably go on like that for a while. My head is starting to hurt again, though. So, I’m going to check out for the day.

Later kids.

Ryan

Journal 5-31-13

I did it!

I finally managed to actually do it!

And, you’re a perv…

Anyway, I managed to do my list of things to do one right after the other. I just took my walk, did my hygiene duties, and now I’m sitting at my computer writing my blog post. I feel accomplished.

I just don’t know what to talk about now. I’ve been giving you “a day in the life of” sort of posts since I came back from the beyond. My views jumped sky high (for me anyway) and now they’ve dropped back down to 15 or 16 a day.

What happened?

Do I not post enough funny pictures about cats?

Or do I bitch too much?

I probably bitch too much. I’m good at that.

I am going to think of an interesting topic though. Right now… it’s going to be a good one… and all I can think of is the dude who ate the homeless guy’s face down in Florida. I’m not sure if that’s an interesting topic anymore or not. I think it’s creepy as hell, but it’s just one of those insane things that people do. There was another story that came out around the same time as the “face eater” and it was a guy who was cutting open his stomach for some reason, and when the police tried to help him, he started throwing his intestines at the cops. What the hell?

I don’t know.

What goes through these people’s minds? Do they plan this shit? Or is it completely random? And, if it’s random, what breaks in the brain to make it happen? And, I think we see those sort of issues on a small scale each and every day. I don’t mean people who are going to eat your face, or throw intestines at you, but what about the people who cut and burn themselves? Is the pain a release? A cry for help? What makes you want to do such a thing?

I had an experience similar to that before. I’ve got a huge burn on my hand that I tell everyone is because I touched my hand to a hot engine block. But, it’s not an accidental burn. It was a cigarette, one that was applied time and time and time again until there was no way to feel the pain I was inflicting. I can tell you now, I don’t know why I didn’t. It was like I wasn’t me, and I was just watching it happen, like it was on television.

Is that what happens when somebody cuts, or burns? Do they watch themselves do it from the outside, like they’re watching some person, some other, destroy their skin and send pain travelling up and down their arm? Is that a release?

I didn’t feel any sort of release after my burn. I looked at my hand and knew it should hurt, but I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t gain anything from the situation except for a scar I lie about. And, now, the scar breeds empty curiosity. I look at it and think; why did I do that? Was there a reason? Was there ever a reason? I don’t know the answers to those questions.

And, that became a really serious topic without me meaning too. I’m sorry about that.

Anywho, I am currently working on typing my next Hub, so the link will be on my Facebook page tomorrow at some point. If twitterfeed doesn’t do it automatically, then I’ll go in and post it by hand. Also on the writing front, I’ve got most of another article written :) I still haven’t worked on Cold Lunch. I think I’m avoiding it. I dunno.

That’s all for today. I shall talk to you cats later.

Ryan