Tuesday, March 11, 2014

The Undertaker

This is an odd one. Lol. It’s like with CM Punk, Cupcake gave me a wrestler to talk about and now I’ve got to figure out what to say. Lol. Honestly it should be easy though, as the Undertaker is one of the most recognizable wrestlers in the professional wrestling industry. At least he used to be. Now, he’s kind of dwindled down to doing one match a year. The match at Wrestlemania, the match he always wins because the Undertaker has never lost a match at Wrestlemania. In fact, that streak has become material for whoever it is he’s going up against to use in their promos.

Taker’s opponent this year is Brock Lesnar, a beast of a man who has more in common with a rock than a human being. He’s using this whole “conqueror” thing as his take on the match with the Undertaker. Lesnar’s manager, Paul Heyman, comes out to the ring at least twice an episode to announce that Lesnar is going to conquer the streak.

The match will be pretty good. The Undertaker’s matches are always damn good. But, one must look at it like this. The Undertaker is probably the oldest wrestler climbing into the ring at Wrestlemania (he’s 48 and that’s damn old for a professional wrestler) and he’s going up against the human equivalent of a semi.

I might actually have to sit down and work up stats for these two wrestlers just to work out a good probability of who will win. I know it’s going to be the Undertaker. Let’s face it, if Lesnar wins Taker fans will riot in the streets. But, just knowing the statistics of the match will be entertaining.

Something else interesting to note, it was CM Punk who went up against the Undertaker this last Wrestlemania. That was a fantastic f***ing fight.

And, now for requisite information.

Making the Undertaker work as a Dungeons and Dragons character wouldn’t be too hard. I’m not sure how the template is worked in Pathfinder, but the Undertaker could fall under two undead templates. First, and most likely, he could be a death knight (a grave knight or demonic knight in Pathfinder). I say this is the more likely of the two as the death knight/grave knight is a martial combat template. While the other option would be a lich; I could see some justification for this template through the way the character is portrayed (particularly when they made a big fuss about the Undertaker’s urn), but I’d still lean towards a Death Knight. As for a race…I think I might put him as a half giant or an ogre, something big and powerful, but still carrying plenty of speed (to some extent intelligence, though that would be a bit of a stretch when it comes to the ogre).

And, one more fun little thing.

I am absolutely positive that when the Undertaker is beaten at Wrestlemania it will be revealed that he is a time lord. His regeneration cycle will kick in, and upon completion of that Undertaker 2.0 will finish mopping the floor with whoever his opponent is.

So, now that all that has been said (including the Doctor Who reference) it’s time for me to go and get in bed.

G’nite all.


PS: When I was talking about the Undertaker with my wife, earlier today, I told her he was going to be a fighter/barbarian death/grave knight of level 13 or higher. I also implied that they might have to face off with him. Lol.


  1. Undertaker has had many changes over the years. He started off as the undead Undertaker with the urn then moved to the demonic ministry Undertaker followed by the badass American Undertaker which later came the paranormal Undertaker that he has been for a long time now. Those are the stages / evolution / regeneration of the Undertaker.

    Brock Lesnar is a beast but has lost a lot of entertainment value. He does not know how to put a good match on with powerful people who use the power game. Reference Brock Lesnar versus Goldberg at Wrestlemania 20. Brock Lesnar has proven he can do feats of strength like suplexing and lifting big men up but beside a big cheap pop from that moment Brock Lesnar can not put the psychology of a match together to fully entertain the crowd.

    Undertaker being as old as he is, is still in great shape and form to put on these grand matches once a year. Undertaker will have to lead this match and put the whole thing together over Brock Lesnar. This will be one of the weaker matches Undertaker put on. Undertaker hit his best Wrestlemania match with Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania 25 because both know the psychology of putting a good match for the crowd and had experience to work well with each other.

    Undertaker will no doubtfully win this match against Brock Lesnar even with interference from Paul Heyman. I call for a submission win over Brock Lesnar with the Hell's Gate choke hold.

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